Here we are again in one of my client’s success stories. Please meet Lucas who has been struggling to rediscover himself and sticking to his beliefs that a woman will come along and follow. We will discuss how he was able to overcome his struggles, how grateful that he has sought my help and get into a relationship after his heartbreak. It’s amazing where he ends up. The following is the verbatim of our discussion.
Some of the topics include:
- How he was able to overcome his dating struggles
- Benefits of hiring a dating coach like Ruby
- Being optimistic
- Confiding his insecurities
- Words of wisdom
- Importance of investing in a dating coach
How he overcomes his struggles
Lucas: I think that I struggled a long time thinking that I cannot be myself. I just stick to my guns and stick to my beliefs, and hopefully know the right girl will come along and follow. That’s something I struggle with. But right now, it seems to be working out really, really nicely, because I’ve approached it a different way, and because of your advice, as I said, I approach it differently. I think that’s one of the biggest obstacles I’ve overcome. Also, I feel I’ve overcome a lot of insecurities about myself. It was really, really a dark time for me.
But when I met Ruby, by the grace of God, she gave me a lot of great advice. Her system really, really changed my life, really, really, for the better. To be honest with you, after everything that she’s taught me, all of her advice, I was able to meet a wonderful girl. We are now coming up on a one-month relationship, been dating for a month, a little more than a month. This relationship has been everything that I expected and more. She’s been really, really great. She’s the light of my life, as I would say right now.
Commitment to what you want to be
Lucas: Ruby’s been more than excellent for me. What I will say is the benefits are really, really good. The benefits are good like I said if you approach things the right way, and you must. Listen, you get out what you put it. What I will say is, you just have to be committed, you can’t go just halfway, 50%. It has to be 100. No, 75%, no 99%, no 1%, it has to be 100%. That’s the best thing that I could say. I think that Ruby’s coaching style is very, very, very key to a lot of relationships.
Ruby: Can you give everyone a little quick summary of who you are, where are you started before me? Just a quick jump on where you are now?
Lucas: My name is Lucas Chang, I live in New York. Before I met Ruby, I was going through a very, very depressing time. I was talking to this girl, and things were going south. It wasn’t really panning out the way that I want to. It really, really just made me depressed about myself, I really didn’t know what to do. I felt there was a time where I would never be good enough for any girl, I would never be able to make anybody happy. I was never that kind of guy that people or girls will look at, just to look at and say,
“Yeah, that’s the person that I would like to have a future with,” or “spend the rest of my life with,” or be with, in general. They were always either looking at me as just a friend or just pushing me off to the side as if to say I had no chance to ever be with that person. It was all of those negative comments and emotions that were just swirling through my mind. It was really, really affecting my psyche, really, really affecting and making me question myself as a person, and as a man, and yeah, it was really, really a dark time for me.
How Ruby changed his dating
When I met Ruby, by the grace of God, she gave me a lot of great advice. Her system really, really changed my life, really for the better. To be honest with you, after everything that she’s taught me, all of her advice, I was able to meet a wonderful girl, and we are now coming up on a one-month relationship, been dating for a month.
A little more than a month, but this relationship has been everything that I expected and more. She’s been really, really great. She’s the light of my life, as I would say right now.
Ruby’s been more than excellent for me. For all the guys out there that felt the same way or feel the same way along the lines of how I felt, maybe, maybe not, Ruby’s a great mentor to go to.
I really, really appreciate everything that she’s done. She’s helped a lot of people and you can see why so many people go to her and so many people are successful with her system, with her advice. I really do appreciate it, Ruby, and I really am grateful, if I haven’t said that enough.
Ruby: Thank you so much. It’s so nice to see you like this because obviously, the audience doesn’t know, but when I first saw you– we did a video chat as well, and you were right, you were in a much darker place. Now, I actually see your teeth because you’re smiling so much.
Lucas’ smiles say everything
Ruby: I saw you today, and I was like, “Oh, so that’s what his smile really looks like.” It was really hard for you, you didn’t really see much hope, you didn’t really see how any of this could be possible. In that relationship now, yeah, you seem extremely happy. She seems to really love you– Oh, I threw out the L word. I think you guys throw out the L word yourselves. I’m so happy to see you here confident and happy and things like that. I do want to ask, what was the biggest obstacle you feel you really overcame?
Lucas: Just the ability to be me, honestly. Like your advice said, always just be open and honest with whoever you’re going out with, and whoever you’re being with, have all the communication, and just try to really connect with that person. I’ve had problems with that, I think, for a very long time. But thanks for your advice, I was able to connect and open up, have open communication and have open honesty with the person, the girl that I’m seeing.
I think that I struggled a long time thinking that I cannot be myself. I couldn’t just stick to my guns and stick to my beliefs and hopefully, the right girl will come along and follow, that’s something I struggled with. But right now, it seems to be working out really, really nice because I’ve approached it a different way. Because of your advice, as I said, I approach it differently. I think that’s one of the biggest obstacles I’ve overcome.
Also, I feel I’ve overcome a lot of insecurities about myself because if I’m being completely honest, I talk to my girl about it a lot. She’s very, very much accepted me for who I am and very, very much accepted my insecurities. Also, not even just accepted, reassured me as well. She has insecurities of her own and I’ve reassured her as well. It goes hand in hand.
Ruby: Right. I was going to say, I think mindset, especially for you, is a big one. Even before you met your girl right now, even while you were dating her, things are still coming up for you. Do you remember that? I would say like, “Lucas, You’re like, “Oh, this is too good to be true.” Remember all that? Mindset can really get to you, obviously, it’s still things that we’re always going to be working on, but that seems a definitely big one for you. It seems all your insecurities are things that she accepts of you. Everything that you were afraid of, you found someone that actually likes you for that. Awesome.
Ruby: Give us a summary of how would you describe to someone my coaching style and my guidance and how that has pushed you to where you are?
Lucas: Well, your coaching style has really pushed me to the point where I had to step outside my comfort zone.
I think that’s one of the biggest things. There was a time where Ruby had told me that she wanted me to go out to malls and bars and restaurants or just go out in the city and just talk to random people, have no pressure of trying to really– or, trying to really make this girl my girlfriend, just ask simple questions. Just to make a simple connection, whether it’s just talking to them with one sentence, at the time asking what would a great Christmas present be or something along with Thanksgiving, stuff like that. Very, very simple, just get me used to just having an interaction with somebody. I think that was one of the biggest things.
At first, yes, it made me feel a tad uncomfortable just talking to random strangers, because who wouldn’t be at first, but because of Ruby’s guidance, I was able to find the inner strength and courage to do that. So, I did it. It boded well for me. I asked a couple of people, what they think I should get my mom and dad for Christmas. They gave me some good answers. I also talked to multiple people, I think I talked to a double-digit amount of people in Bloomingdale’s, or in Macy’s in the city, and they gave me some good advice.
Whether they were really mature women or girls of my age older women, it didn’t really matter because all in all, it was the same experience. It was the same advice. There’s a lot of things that Ruby has really helped me with. With all your coaching assignments, all the PDF files, everything, it’s really, really been great. I think that what I just said, the experience of actually going out and talking to people, interacting with them was one of the biggest things.
Ruby: Fantastic. Yeah, that’s definitely, I think, the one that first pushes out of your comfort zone, and that really helps you build that confidence within yourself. This is a fun question. How would you describe my coaching style if you could describe it?
Lucas: Very hands-on. Your coaching style was very, very effective for me and obviously, it’s very, very effective for a lot of people in this world that you’ve helped. But you do get on a lot of people. You’re always making sure, “You’re doing these assignments, right? You’re actually going out and talking to these people, right?” It’s like any other commitment, it’s like anything else that you’re passionate about.
If you put in the time to talk to you and learn more, do your coaching methods, then you have to really just put in the effort, and just respect her time and your time, and just go out and do the right things. Whether you’re uncomfortable or not, you have to just try it, you have to take that step forward. Whether the results may be something that you like or not, you have to take that step, you have to take that risk. I think that’s one of the best things about your coaching style.
Ruby: Thanks. I was going to say, I feel especially for you, it’s like the accountability I have for you, and I would text you like, “Hey, did you do that yet? Why haven’t you?” There’s a time when you’re like, “Oh, I didn’t get to do that.” I’m like, “Why?” Hey, if it’s something that you want, I want it for you, too. Where are you at right now, especially in your relationship, the stage that you’re in the relationship?
Summary of meeting his girl
How far you’ve gotten there? People always wonder, like, if that’s possible, what that feels like? Can you tell people– you don’t have to go into detail, but a summary, from meeting this person, which you met online, just so everyone knows. Even though he went out to the malls, he found her online. The feelings in that relationship, and where you are now with your emotions with her? What you were saying in the beginning about “She’s the light of my life,” how does that really feeling right now and the steps you guys have taken as a couple?
Lucas: It’s very close, my relationship with– Well, first of all, her name is Stephanie, if I could say that. We’re very, very close. It’s crazy because we’ve gotten so close within a month’s time. I didn’t really anticipate myself getting so close with her within a month’s time and neither did she. We got so close, so comfortable with each other to the point where our texture– Like I said before, my insecurities or how I was feeling, stuff like that– I’ll give you an example. It was actually this past week, I had a really, really, really rough night at work, and then I woke up to a good morning text from her saying, she like,
“Good morning, I know you must have had a really, really rough time at work last night, but I know that you’ve gone through it. I just wanted to you know that, I think that you’re amazing the way that you are, and have a good day.”
It’s just stuff like that. We tell each other everything, whether it’s, “Oh, this person bothered me at work.” “Oh, my mom asked questions about you.” “How come you always feel the need to drive me home?” All of that stuff. We talk about personal things and we put our emotions into it. Yeah, I feel really, really comfortable telling her a lot of things about myself, because I know that I could be myself around her. There’s no hesitation really. There’s no “I don’t want to regret this because she’ll do X, Y, Z,” or and vice versa as well.
We have a really, really strong connection so far right now. We tell each other all the time, like, “Don’t worry about anything. I know you’re new to this. I’m new to this too. But I want to be with you in the long run.” She said the same thing. The communication is good, we talk every single day. I basically know what she’s doing every single day, every single week, which is crazy. She knows what I’m doing. I’m pretty much open to telling her everything. I think that’s one of the most important things that are a part of our relationship.
Confiding his Insecurities
Also, we’re very honest with each other. I’ve told her a couple of times. I said, “I want to be honest with you about my insecurities and I want you more importantly to be honest with me about anything that I might be doing, or what you feel in this relationship. I’ve always said that honesty is very, very key to who I am and our relationship. I want you to embody that, and I want you to be open and honest with me. I think that’s one of the most important things.” She agreed.
She’s like, “I’m always going, to be honest with you, you’re my boyfriend. You’re always there for me.” She’s also telling me one of the things that she really, really likes about me is that I’m always there for her. She could be having a really, really rough week, and so could I, but she would see me and she feels like all the world’s problems would just go away. She told me once that when we were supposed to meet, she wished time goes faster. And when we do meet, she wishes that time stops for all the time that we’re together.
Ruby: Yeah. It’s really great. Even to the point where you threw out the L word, both of you. Didn’t, you guys?
Ruby: You’ve got that long of a connection. It’s so nice. It feels so nice, I bet to feel so safe and secure in a relationship where you can just completely be yourself. I’m so happy. Okay, moving forward. Usually, many people are too scared to get help in this because there’s still a stigma, it can feel shameful to get a dating coach. Obviously, I’m going to tell you, you’re Asian, usually, especially if you’re Asian, getting help, there’s a stigma to it. What do you have to say to people who feel it may be shameful?
Lucas: You see, I’m actually going to tell the story about this. I was telling my dark story to one of my friends, and one of my friends is really, really, really smart to the point where he told me, “Hey, Lucas,
listen, whatever you’ve got to do to make yourself feel happy and to get help, you do that.”
You see, happiness is a very, very underrated part of life as we know it. A lot of people go about their days thinking,
Words of wisdom
“Well, as long as I get these things done, as long as I work hard, as long as I focus on my career, as long as I do the same things over and over again to make myself successful, I will be okay.” But does it really make you happy? Sometimes, it does. Does it make you happy all the time? Maybe, maybe not. I think that being happy, and doing whatever it takes to make yourself happy, is very, very key in life. For me, tackling this part of my life and trying to conquer it day by day, and trying to find a dating coach as great as Ruby was very, very on my list.
To those who think it might be shame or an embarrassment, or along those lines, I can’t really speak for everybody else, to be honest with you. But I will say, whatever you have to do to get help, whatever you have to do to push yourself and to fix that part of your life whatever it may be or to fix any insecurities that you may have about yourself, I think that you should go for it. It bodes well to just take that step forward. I’ve told my friends, my family all this before. There’s nothing shameful in asking for help and wanting to better yourself. There’s no shame.
You only have one life to live in this world. You only have one life and you want to make sure every single day that you’re living the best life that you can, and living the best version of yourself. Whatever you’ve got to do to get help, and better your life and to not turn that darkness into light, I think that you should do it.
There’s no shame because at the end of the day, it’s what you do, it’s what you do with your life. It’s what you do with your time, and the people that are going to support you are the people that should be in your life, the people that are going to look down and say that’s shameful, are people that shouldn’t be in your life anyway.
How important to invest in yourself?
Ruby: Love that, preach. That’s a motivational speech right there.
It’s true. At the end of the day, why is it that every other area in our life like fitness or health, if you want to get better at it, people go to class, people get a trainer, it’s the same thing, you invest in yourself?
This leads to my next question, which I think you already talked about it, this obviously isn’t– it’s a heavy investment. You had to financially invest in it as well. Is that what got you to think this is well worth the investment, knowing that you were going to make a change, there was something you didn’t like if you’re not completely happy, that you invested into this? Is that what made the investment worth it when you initially decided to do this, like your own process?
Lucas: 1,000% because I knew that– the money didn’t really even matter. All I wanted really was to better myself. This was an area that I was a severely lacking experience, because just for whatever reason– my life story is a whole another thing. If it’s all for the reasons of benefiting yourself and making yourself a better person at the end of the day, you have to do what you have to do. The money is going to be what the money is going to be, but I can only speak for myself when I say, my mentality was, if I’m going to be doing this, then I need to be doing everything 100%.
I need to do everything to the full capacity of what you’re telling me, what you’re talking to me about and trying to understand that at full capacity, because
I don’t want to not only wasting my money and time, and more importantly, I don’t want to waste yours. With that being said, I just wanted to make sure that I grasp every single thing. It’s an investment in yourself to make yourself a better person.
I don’t think I know any person, family, a friend that wouldn’t want to better themselves every single day. So, the investment was good. As I said, I really do appreciate it.
Ruby: Definitely. Amazing. Last question here. Most guys that are watching this right now are usually on the edge and like deciding if they should do this. Kind of a two-parter, what would you say to them that are things that they need to be in where you are right now? How you were saying, like, you didn’t want to waste either my time, so you worked hard. Obviously, you did the work too. But what are some components, you’re saying, if you want to do this, this is what you probably need to be successful and to be where you are? What else do you have to say to these guys that are on the edge of maybe working with me?
Be comfortable to feel uncomfortable
Lucas: The first part, I think you just have to go for it, honestly. You have to be comfortable– here’s what I think.
You have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, and I think that your coaching style really speaks to that. I think that you also need to have that mentality to think that, “I’m doing this to better myself.”
This is an investment of your life, and it can ultimately change your life if you approach it the right way, if you take the necessary steps to do it. It’s only going to work if you just take it to step by step, do all the right things, do everything on your end, and make sure that you read all the material, you understand everything that your coaching style entails. You have to make sure that you’re going out there, and actually doing the assignments. And not just doing it just to say that you did it, but just to do it, and take it as a learning experience.
Everything that your coaching style entails and all the assignments are all learning experiences, positive ones too. I think that you also have– for all the guys there asking what you should have, honestly you should just have that want to get better. You have to have that want to be like, “I want to be better at being in a relationship. I want to be better at communicating. I want to be better at connecting and talking and interacting and all that stuff.”
You have to have that want and desire to do so. If you have that, I think that’s one of the most important things. If I have to say anything, you also have to be punctual. You also have to be punctual. Don’t miss any phone calls, don’t miss any emails, don’t miss any assignments. We all have PDF files, and if you don’t get the PDF files, ask Ruby to send them again.
Ruby: That’s awesome. Love it.
Lucas: One more thing that I will say that you need is just to have respect, respect for the process, respect for Ruby’s time, your own time, and everything in between. I think those are the most important things. I can honestly speak for myself when I say that. If you have all those things, you have that desire, you have that respect for the process, I think the results can be good. The results will be good if you approach things the right way.
Ruby: Fantastic. All right, thank you so much for being here. In closing, what’s the last closing message you have to say to everybody?
Trust the process to get into a relationship
Lucas: It is possible. It is possible to find that happiness. It is possible to conquer that barrier or that wall that’s stopping you from going from point A to point B. You have to trust the process as I said, and just don’t be afraid, just go out there, do what you got to do. One thing that I will say, I’ve said this to a lot of people, if you’re going to do something, don’t have any regrets about it in the end. Either you go full in 100%, or you fall back 100%. For me, I went into it 100%. There was no turning back. You can’t have any regrets, you can’t have those moments where like, “Should I have done this?” No, once you take this, it’s a commitment.
What I will say is the benefits are very really good. The benefits are good like I said, if you approach things the right way, and you must. Listen, you get out what you put in. What I will say is, you just have to be committed, you can’t go in just halfway, 50%. It has to be 100%, no 75%, no 80%, no 99%, no 1%, it has to be 100%. I think that’s the best thing that I could say. I think that Ruby’s coaching style is very, very, very key to a lot of relationships. Honestly, there should be a lot more people going to her. I’m actually surprised that not more guys go to her already. I think that people should take that next step in changing their lives. I think that’s what I have to say to everybody.
Ruby: Yeah, thank you so much, you could be a motivational speaker. You like to captivate, you’re like, “Oh, yeah.” Now, it makes me– even though I’m in a relationship be like, “Yeah, I want to do the work– wait. Never mind.” That’s awesome. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Thank you so much for spending your time doing this, and you’re helping a lot of guys out as well, by sharing your story. So, I really appreciate you, you’ve been great. I’m very happy that you’re happy. Best of wishes and everything and that it goes well. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you, guys!
It’s really hard to feel rejected, there will come to a point that we question our worth. But if you look at this as an opportunity to change and look for some ways or help, you will be successful with finding a quality woman.
It’s nice to hear that I am giving hope to helping good gentlemen in this particular area of their life and making an impact. Hope to help more gentlemen out there.