Dating today is quite tough for everyone, most especially when you haven’t gone out for almost 3 years. I have another story to be told if you guys are going through any mindset obstacles and barriers with dating, read this and learn how Thomas was able to get back his online dating alive.
In this blog, Thomas talked about the following topic
- Dating hit or miss
- Thomas sharing a sneak peek of himself and how much he has grown
- Overanalyzing something that cannot be done overnight.
- How he was blown away after reframing
- The benefits of reaching out to me
- My coaching style
- Getting 2 different dates
- How he was able to stop overthinking
- Everything that he realized
- How to become successful in dating
- If you want to be level up your dating journey
- Motivational and empowering talk like TedX Talk
Thomas: I would have a dry mouth, I would be nervous. In the beginning, when I first started working with you, I just didn’t know what to say. Even though there were some signs there that she was interested, I couldn’t move forward. After reframing, and telling myself a key phrase, I am so much calmer. I have no more nerves.
I can talk to her about anything. In fact, the last time I saw her three weeks ago, we were talking about the weekend and what we’re going to be doing next. I’m just mind blown by reframing itself. I’m very fortunate, I feel like two for two. Now, it’s just communicating with the women and getting to know them and moving things forward, and seeing who’s the best for me, later on down the line in a long-term relationship. To be honest, if I were to tell myself this prior to working with you, I wouldn’t believe it.
Thomas: Not at all. “Talking to women? What?”
Ruby: “And they’re really great? What?”
Hit or miss
Thomas: Yeah, exactly. It wasn’t a hit or miss for either one of them. They’re both amazing. For me, to just– I don’t know if it’s luck, but to get two for two, I’m very grateful, very happy. Hopefully, things will continue to progress with both of them.
Ruby: All right. Welcome, guys, to another story to be told. Today’s story to be shared, because so excited for this one. I think this one’s going to be truly inspirational and motivational for you. I have a great story by Thomas today. Hi, Thomas, how are you doing?
Thomas: Pretty good. How are you doing?
Ruby: Doing well. Thank you so much for being here and sharing your story. Well. let’s get started. If you can actually give a quick summary, your name and dating experience before me, where you are now, that’d be great.
Thomas: Sure. My name is Thomas, I’m 30, and I’m a CPA. Prior to starting with Ruby, I wasn’t dating for about two to three years. I was just in a pretty bland phase. After three months with Ruby, things are complete 180. I’m so much happier, my self-confidence, self-esteem has grown. I’m dating and talking to several women and getting to know them. It’s completely a 180. I can’t believe how great things are going.
Ruby: That’s amazing. You did a complete 180, so there’s a lot of things that we worked on, but what would you say is the biggest obstacle you overcame or the most helpful knowledge that you’ve gained?
Thomas: There was actually a lot of helpful knowledge, but if I were to narrow something down, it would be overcoming my mindset. It’s something that I’ve had a feeling but also Ruby mentioned is something that can make or break me, and working on my mindset, especially every day because I know it’s going to be an ongoing process. It’s just knowing that’s something that I need to work on, it’s just making me become a better individual. In my career, in my personal life, it’s really moved outwards for everything for me.
Ruby: Speaking of mindset, because I do think a lot of people come in today dating or have dated a lot, mindset just gets in the way. What were some of your mindset barriers? What were you saying to yourself? and the thing that stopped you?
Thomas: Overanalyzing, trying to read the situation. “Oh, she must think this,” or, “She doesn’t like me because I said this.” Just a lot of unnecessary minutia. Again, working on this every day, and especially when you helped out a lot with it, it’s something that I don’t really think about much anymore, to be honest, and it feels really good.
Ruby: Yay. Fantastic.
I’ve told some of my audience and I talk a lot about reframing. I think that’s probably one of the biggest things you said, it’s not something that we can just overcome overnight. I thought of you, it was constantly checking in on that.
Can you actually give an example and I have one in mind, and I wonder if you’ll think of the same example, of a situation that the mindset was really getting the way, what were you saying to yourself? Then now, how easy it is for you to do it?
Thomas: Okay. With this, I have a couple of different situations that I could name. One specifically would be this one girl that works in a retail store that I frequent every now and then, so much so that she remembered my name. I thought that was pretty cool. I’m holding myself back from asking for her number and trying to initiate conversation because I’m putting all these situations and theories and voices in my head about what she thinks, what would work, what wouldn’t work. It’s funny, you mentioned that because reframing is, well, I remember telling you one of the biggest tools that you that you’ve taught me that is so helpful, and I use it whenever I get a chance because it’s so powerful.
Going back to the story, I would have a dry mouth, I would be nervous. In the beginning, when I first started working with you, I just didn’t know what to say. Even though there were some signs there that she was interested, I couldn’t move forward.
But after reframing and telling myself a key phrase, I am so much calmer. I have no more nerves. I can talk to her about anything. In fact, the last time I saw her three weeks ago, we were talking about the weekend and what we’re going to be doing next. Reframing myself just blown me away.
Ruby: That’s amazing. That’s the example I was thinking of. You made a complete 180 like this is probably one of the first stories you ever told me. It was a constant– you would visit this retail place quite often, so it was a constant, “Oh, I still stopped myself. I didn’t.” Then, in three months later, you’re like, “Oh, yeah, I’m just waiting till when I see her next.” It’s just very calm. I think that’s the main thing, like calming your mind out. Fantastic. Can you give a summary of how my specific guidance and me as a coach how I am, me and my personality, the way I coach helped you at the state that you’re at right now?
The benefit of a one-on-one coaching program
Thomas: Definitely. Honestly, everything from all the calls that we do, the calls are great, because they get more in-depth, with the sticking points that I have, the situations that I have going on.
The PDFs. If there’s something that you mentioned within a call that I forgot, I just look back to the PDF, it’s all there.
Very importantly too is when I need some kind of guidance, explanation of why didn’t she respond, or well, how should I text this, I would message you. I would contact you, and you reply pretty promptly.
What helped was that you really went in-depth. I could tell through the messaging that you truly did care. You explained through your eyes what’s going on, why it’s going this way, and how to overcome it. Those things were super important and great things to have within your coaching program. But if I were to give a specific thing, I really do like the texting tips that you had while doing the dating apps. If I remember doing my things on my own and not getting what I am expecting.
Ruby: Then, I called you out on it.
Ruby: I was like, “What are you doing?”
Thomas: Right. Totally. I remember that too. I said it to myself, like, “What am I doing? This is what Ruby’s here for.” After I had been talking with you and then
rereading the PDFs about texting, I started to get better results, surprise, surprise, and things just turned better.
Ruby: Fantastic. Love the example you use with messaging because it’s one of those things that’s easy. I think I told you this too that you want to go back to your comfort zone, you want to text the way you’ve always texted people. But then, you realize, “Wait for a second, obviously I’m not where I’m at because of that. I need to change that.” Fantastic. How would you actually describe in maybe a word or two, my coaching style?
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My Coaching Style
Thomas: Coaching style, it’s very comprehensive. I do like the fact that you give us assignments that now looking back are very helpful
because it helps us get to know us as individuals, what we want in a relationship, what we know about ourselves, what we like, what we dislike, because no one ever sits and writes down or types about ourselves anymore, and those are great assignments that really helped me figure out more of what I liked and what I want.
That itself is very comprehensive. Again, you responding and you helping us out when you can. Again, you respond really fairly quickly, and just you showing that you care, that I do know. You want us to get the results. I feel as if you’re putting yourself in our shoes. You want us to do the best that we can so that we can put our best foot forward and really get the results that we want with dating and everything.
Ruby: Thank you so much for actually saying that, because the one thing I wanted to give you a compliment on is that, as you can see, and I just said so too, like, I’m a very straightforward person. I don’t sugarcoat when it needs to be. You’ve always taken it like a champ when I’m calling you out. I’m like, “Thomas, you’re doing it again. Hey, reframe that barrier, you’re doing this yourself.” You’re like, “Oh, yeah, yeah.” You took it in, and with a lot of that sometimes you need that to succeed, especially if you take things personally all the time.
If I called you out and you did the opposite route, you’re like, “Well, I do what I want,” it wouldn’t really be helpful. That’s fantastic, and that’s the greatest compliment you could give me, I love what I do. I think I told you in the beginning, too, like, “If you want this, I want this too.” We’re in this together, we got to put– both of us are going to put in the effort to get there.
Tell everyone a little bit of where you are right now. I know you said the beginning is kind of bland, so that means that you weren’t really dating, correct? Just give them a little summary of what you’ve done to meet some ladies, platforms may be and how you’re talking to some, and how those dates went, people love hearing that.
Two different dates
Thomas: Right. With me, I’m a pretty active person. One great tip that you gave me was to use an app called ClassPass, essentially free trial classes. I’ve used it a couple of times already with good results, and that definitely got me out of my comfort zone a little bit. But with the dating apps, that’s been going really well.
I’ve told you I’ve been getting like almost a match a day and messaging here and there. Most two different dates. We kept the flow, we’re both smiling and connecting to one another. I’m very fortunate to be– I feel like I’m two for two. Now, it’s just continuing to communicate with the women and getting to know them and moving things forward, and see who’s the best for me later on down the line in a long-term relationship. To be honest, if I were to tell myself this prior to working with you, I wouldn’t believe it.
Thomas: Not at all. I’m like, “Talking to two women? What?”
Ruby: “And they’re really great? What?”
Thomas: Yeah, exactly. It wasn’t a hit or miss for either one of them. They’re both amazing. For me to just– I don’t know if it’s luck, but to get two for two, I’m very grateful, I’m very happy and, hopefully, things will continue to progress with both of them.
Ruby: Fantastic. Thank you so much for sharing that. It’s really exciting. As I said, it’s always hard to believe to think that on it. You’re like, “Would I have ever in three months think, like, ‘Oh, yeah, I just had two great dates.’” Probably not at that point, too, with your mindset, it wasn’t quite there. It’s really, really great. Okay, switching topics a little bit, many people are too scared to get help on such a vulnerable topic, it can feel shameful. Can you speak to that? What would you say to them, or anyone thinking that?
Thomas: Definitely, I have a lot to say on this topic, actually. Honestly, there’s no reason to be shameful. It’s basically a common thing and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. The fact that you’re watching this video,
the fact that you’ve found Ruby, it’s what sets you apart from other people already.
Being an Asian American myself, and having friends that are Asian American, and, for some reason, have lists of excuses as to why they’re not dating, and why they’re not getting results, I can only tell them about you so much. I’ll put it this way, stop thinking and just do it. If you don’t, you’re going to be in the same place a month from now, three months from now, where you are.
If you listen to what Ruby says, you do your assignments, you’re going to be a completely different person when the program ends, just like me. I got out of my comfort zone,
there were a lot of things that I didn’t want to do, but I did. I’m not perfect, but I did most, if not all of them. Now, again, I’m on cloud nine, I couldn’t be any happier. Things are just going really well because I followed and I took action on her blueprint. It’s time for you guys who are watching the video to do the same thing. It’s okay. A lot of other people go through this, you’re the ones that actually research and try to get help about it, and it’s time that you do.
What He realizes
Ruby: Love it, so motivational. Speaking of which, what other reasons you noticed that this investment was worth it for you when you first said yes, what was going through your mind?
Thomas: I noticed that it was a great investment when you replied with your texts. Again, you were very descriptive. You explained everything that’s going down, instead of just telling me with a short text of what to say or what to do, you reasoned why, and that made me understand, “Oh, okay.” It was very helpful. It really helps set me up later on down the line. I don’t always have to be dependent on you and text you here and there, and text other people. I have more of an understanding of what’s going on within interactions in relationships.
Ruby: Got it. Okay. It was the texting that you realized, “Okay, this investment is worth doing. I’m going to take that”?
Thomas: Right. With the text thing, the descriptive and helpful testing that you gave because, again, as I said earlier, it showed that you truly cared. You wanted us to know what’s going on, instead of just telling us what to do, and that’s it, keep it short and sweet. You took your time with your texts, and it was more than one text for every single time that we messaged back and forth. Again, just super helpful and a very, very great tool for us, in particular, for me when I do get into a relationship and progressing dating down the line.
How to be successful
Ruby: Fantastic, great. Starting to wrap things up here, what qualities do you think one needs to be successful in this and be where you are right now? Which is that you’re dating these ladies, you’re able to get out of your comfort zone? What do you what would you say that they need to be successful in this program since you’ve already been through it?
Thomas: Well, with you asking that question, I think that you’re saying that I’m a successful student, which I–
Reach Ruby out if you want to be better
Thomas: Personally, get out of your comfort zone, you mentioned that already.
If you want to do the things that you want to do only, don’t sign up for Ruby. If you want to grow and get better and understand and just be in a much better place with your self-confidence in your dating life and your social skills, then do what Ruby says.
Do her assignments, complete the calls, go out there and take action, and you will get the results, you will reap the benefits. Things are going really great and I wish I could work more with you.
For you guys out there, I’ll repeat it again, if you want to do things your way, don’t sign up for Ruby. But if you want to become a better individual, then email, call her, sign up, because I can guarantee you that you’ll be in a much better place at the end of the program than where you are now.
Motivational TedX Talk way
Ruby: Fantastic. Wow. Yeah, the way you’re speaking, it’s almost like this is a TEDx talk or something. It’s very motivational, it’s great. But yes, thank you so much for being here for sharing your story. It’s very empowering and encouraging because I know there are a lot of guys out there that were in your place, especially in the beginning. I also love that we both keep it very honest and very real. I agree with you that if you come into the program not wanting to change, fighting me all the way, not wanting to do anything different than– I used to say like, “This isn’t probably the best route, but if you just want to grow, then all you got to do is to take action and get out of your comfort zone.
Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you so much for sharing all that you did. Yes, you are a successful student. Remember I told you in the beginning that success is defined differently for everybody. Success could be marrying someone, success could be getting a girlfriend. It’s really a mindset and we have talked about it, the goal is to get you out of that kind of mindset barrier you had that was so high up. I wanted that to get down, so you can have that confidence and least feel confident yourself. Now not only do you have that, but you also have these dates going for you, so it’s great. Thank you so much for being great. Thank you so much for being here and for sharing your story. Have a good one.
Thomas: You’re very welcome. Thank you.
Ruby: Thank you, guys!