In this today discussion, Jefferson talks about how to find a quality woman and how he started going on quality dates too. Jefferson is one of my successful clients who’s going out with a woman that is more aligned with the qualities he’s been looking for. But before that, he was meeting a lot of girls but wasn’t able to find a quality woman and he felt like he was wasting his time.
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Some of the topics include:
- The reason behind why he sought my help
- How he was able to identify the better quality women
- How not to click the bait of going on a date
- Makeover of his online dating profile
Talk with Jefferson
Ruby: Welcome, we have a really cool story for you today. He’s seated right next to me because if you guys don’t know, I actually do work with them in-person clients, especially if you’re in the SoCal area. Here’s Jefferson, and he’s willing to share how he was able to find a better quality woman. I’m so excited for him to share it. Let’s get this started. Jefferson, if you can introduce yourself, tell him who you are, where you’re located, just give a hint, and what got you seeking me? Where were you in your dating life when you basically seek for my help?
Jefferson: Hi, everyone. I’m Jefferson. I’m based in San Diego, California. The main reason why I sought out Ruby was that I was dating a lot of girls, but I wasn’t finding the better quality women I really liked, or I was really attracted to. The whole thing around that was I felt I was wasting my time, because I was going out on a lot of coffee dates, a lot of dinner dates, and they’re just all one date and done pretty much.
Ruby: Okay. To sum it up, he had the issue of, it wasn’t given the chance, it was more of getting dates, but not really clear on either the kind of woman you should be dating, and then also where she’s at, and where to focus basically his time and energy, right?
Jefferson: Right. Good summary.
Ruby: Cool. Now, just a quick summary for them, where are you now?
Identifying the qualities in finding a quality woman
Jefferson: Right now, I’m seeing this lady. She is, I think, a lot more aligned with the qualities that I want. She’s very mature. She’s very direct as well, so I don’t have to play guessing games.
That real playback into– I might be skipping that ahead a little bit.
Ruby: It’s okay.
Jefferson: The qualities that Ruby had me identify were my top qualities.
Ruby: Actually, going off of that, one thing I did want to ask you was, what was the most helpful, either session or kind of activity? You don’t have to go through the activity, but what was the most helpful for you to shift your focus and get clear?
Jefferson: I definitely think it was identifying the top qualities I’m looking for in a partner.
A lot of people have this giant list, they have a list of dirty qualities. But how many of those are really important to you? Probably only like 5 and maybe 10 at the max.
Figuring out how to find a quality woman and keep her
Ruby: Did you have a list, one coming into? I think you did.
Jefferson: I did. I had a huge list.
Ruby: It’s okay sometimes to have that list already, but we worked through it together where we figured, “Okay, we have to narrow this down and figuring out what’s really, really important for you.” What was the biggest thing you either overcame or the biggest thing that you learned? Minus, figuring out who you want, anything else in regard to that?
Jefferson: I think complementing figuring out who you want to date, is that it’s okay not to go on every date you get it. Just because you two are initially attracted to each other doesn’t mean that you’d have to take the bait. Maybe through texting conversation, you’re like, “Oh, I don’t think she’s on the same wavelength as I am.” That’s a good reason to not take the bait, I think. You really want to find someone that’s on the same wavelength, has the right qualities you’re looking for, and then from there, it’s ago.
Ruby: Awesome. Along with that, is you’d have to have a little sense of self-confidence. Coming into this, did you feel that you already have that confidence and knew what made you attractive and attracted the right person? Or, was that something that you had to also learn for yourself?
Jefferson: I think I had the sense of– to some girls I was attractive, and I could get those dates, but at the same time, it was still going back to that obstacle. You don’t have to take every date. Not taking every date doesn’t mean anything to yourself.
Ruby: Okay. So, you knew you were attractive, but did you know what actually makes you–
Jefferson: Makes me–
Ruby: You know what I mean? Saying like, with confidence and attraction, having even that sense, where it’s okay not to take every date. You have to have almost a sense of self, you’re like, “I’m pretty, cool guy.” Did you already have that coming in?
Jefferson: I think I had a sense of it, but I didn’t know what specific qualities made me attractive.
Ruby: I bring this up because I believe even in our first couple of sessions, he has a good sense of self. I think you knew, you know who you are. It was more about laying it out and then aligning who he wanted with who he is. Then, showcasing those traits more than just whatever traits you had.
Online dating profile makeover
Ruby: I think we even went through, let’s say– we did an online profile makeover and all of that too.
Jefferson: We do.
Ruby: Yeah. That’s a big part of it. It’s knowing what parts of you probably attract that person. Did you notice a change in your online dating journey?
Jefferson: Yeah, I did. After I did some of the profile pictures, like the rearrangement you had mentioned and highlighted more of both what I was looking for in a partner in my profile, as well as playing up my strengths, I did notice a difference in matches, just like the matches were more aligned with what I wanted.
Ruby: Okay. It’s about quality.
Ruby: Was there a lot?
Jefferson: A lot?
Ruby: It’s okay to say no, because–
It’s not about the numbers
Jefferson: I think a lot relatively to how many matches I was getting. For example, if I was getting five matches, then four of them would be, they would have the traits I’m looking for, whereas like five matches before and it was maybe only one or two.
Ruby: Perfect. That’s what I was trying to allude to. Just like you were saying that people shouldn’t need to say yes to every date, it’s the same thing with matches. Just because you’re having a lot, because it’s not about the numbers, it really is about the quality. I remember telling him, even in the very beginning, I said, “I’d rather you go on fewer dates, but they’re quality.” Going on dates every week is probably not very fun. It’s a waste of your time. If it’s fewer dates, fewer matches, but it seems people that you want, then that’s what matters. Cool.
Obstacles, online profiles. Now, he is going out on dates and is actually seeing someone of quality. So, that’s a great success.
A topic I wanted to bring up pretty quickly is, this can be very still taboo for a lot of people, getting a dating coach seeking help in this. What do you have to tell them for those that are wondering, “Is this a weird thing?” How did you overcome that for yourself If you had that issue? If not, what would you say to them to help?
Jefferson: I have had that issue of getting a dating coach because I am afraid of what people might tell me, and
I realize that it doesn’t matter what they say, I own my own life and this is what I really want to do. If you’re frustrated enough, you try and make something different happen, if that means going to Ruby, a dating coach, dating advice, then that’s what you have to do.
Ruby: You almost recognize that, it’s almost like any other area in your life. If you want something different to happen, then you just have to take that step, dating coach or not. It seems you took away that dating or that kind of stigma out of it.
How to be successful in finding a quality woman
Ruby: Okay, very cool. Now, going through the process yourself, what do you think someone needs to be successful in this and getting to whatever the results they want?
Jefferson: I definitely think you need to put in 100% basically. I want to say, a lot of people say, you put in as much as you get out, or you get as much as you put in. I think you have to fully commit to the process. Otherwise, there are no shortcuts and there’s no halfway. It’s all or nothing really.
Ruby: I always say that to people to say– well, it is that quote,
“You get what you put in.” It really is that, because he could have might as well just not listen to me, just took it in and I don’t think he’d be where he is now.
Lastly, there are plenty of people that are probably watching this, and they usually do because they’re on the edge of deciding whether to join one of my programs or work with me. Just directly to them, what would you have to say if they’re on edge and wondering?
Working with me
Jefferson: Well, at least for me personally, Ruby really gets me. We’re on the same wavelength. She knows what– from what I’m telling her she knows what qualities I’m looking for to get a date and how I can put myself in the best position to get there. The second thing
I think makes Ruby really attractive as a coach is that she has a way to really take a lot of my verbal vomit and put it together in a really concise fashion.
When you repeated it back to me, I’m like, “Oh, yeah, that makes so much more sense.”
Ruby: That is true. Don’t worry, guys. I will control your thoughts and how you’re thinking, just put it into a simple term. Even just before as we’re talking about updates, and he was telling me about one thing, and I was like, “Oh, well, why’d you ask that?” I was like, “Oh, just to hear it, just to validate.” Sometimes, that’s all you need. Thank you so much. I was actually going to say, lastly, describe my coaching style. I think that answered it. Is there any other way to describe my coaching style?
Jefferson: I’m not sure. Awesome.
Ruby: I feel a lot of it too, if you haven’t noticed from my videos, I’m pretty direct and straightforward as well, but kind, but direct. I know he’s seen as well, just like I was saying with the list, he had a lot, and I didn’t let them have it, did I? I was like, “No, we’ve got to narrow it down.” Just being open to just want to take the feedback and then we– it’s true, we’re on the same wavelength and being able to have these discussions. I’m really glad that you shared your story today. Thank you so much. Any last words?
Jefferson: I don’t think so.
Ruby: Thank you so much for joining!