Hello all, I wanted to post about my experience far as having worked with Ruby and following her program.
To start with, I'm not that far removed from most of you I would say - I'm older than I thought I'd be without a life partner, have had very little good luck with women most of my life and my confidence hasn't exactly been high the last several years. I live in L.A., which makes things harder on a lot of levels at least I think. Sometime in February this year, after just getting over the last 2 relationships I had that leveled me emotionally more than any others had, I knew I needed to get some help. Maybe a week later I came upon Ruby's video on facebook, and while I didn't sign up for the program right away I did join the email list. Not long after, her encouragement just through that medium convinced me I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. I signed up for the "Mission Possible - Let's get you matches!" Online dating course. Every week we had different assignments. I spent a little over 3 hours before sending the 1st one in, I wanted to be thorough. I implemented every piece of advice Ruby gave me, took the time to edit my profiles, put up new photos, etc. The advice and the techniques she tells you about, THEY WORK! If I can give you one piece of advice it'd be LISTEN.TO.RUBY.
The 1st 4 girls I went out with this year were all one-offs, all I wanted was a 2nd date with someone who I liked even a little bit..I was REALLY down. I finally got that at the end of March, so goal 1 reached! At the end of March I went on dates with 3 different girls in less than 10 days, all quality, all gorgeous. On date 3 with one of the girls she said she wanted to be exclusive. HOORAY, right? Well...things didn't end up going anywhere. I NEVER saw and barely heard from her, and she lived around the corner from me... She wasn't in the right headspace at all (in her defense, she did apologize for jumping the gun too soon, but it still burnt) at the time. Fortunately, I had another girl I'd been seeing, but after 3 dates with her she told me the day after our last date that she wasn't romantically interested in me. And we had almost EVERYTHING in common...
Needless to say at this point I was REALLY down. I was mentally exhausted, pissed off, depressed... sick of the game, the process...I just wanted to meet someone I could have something meaningful with and not have to be on any sites anymore. I'd already been out with 7 girls this year and the last thing I wanted was to try and meet someone new by then. But I knew I'd made a lot of progress already and wasn't about to quit. I got back on the sites after about a week of taking a break and got 6 matches and 4 #s in something like 3 days. I only ended up talking to a couple of them, they all seemed interested but I only pay attention to the ones who actually make the effort.
I set up dates with girls #8 and 9. They were both nice, but girl #9 was something really different, and we had a better connection on the 1st date than anyone else I'd been out with all year. We very quickly came upon date #4, and almost didn't get there - she tried ending things with a text due to being scared. I wasn't having that, I called her on it, we met up that night and have been great ever since. Fear does things to people that nothing else will. She's been through a lot of the same stuff I have and more, so I can identify. First time she came over to my place, it was too "bachelor-like" and not inviting enough, and she left due to being uncomfortable...it was super awkward. I was a little irritated at first but then I thought, well she told me why. "What am I going to do about this?"...I went on a mission. I bought a bed, some furniture, went to IKEA, etc. and in just over a week transformed my room into something that was inviting and that I ended up loving. Next time she came over, she didn't leave. Mission accomplished! To add to this, the awkwardness was my fault. One of my roommates, who is a woman, told me earlier this year "Ladies want a bed". My reply at the time was "Well it's just me here so what does it matter?" - I was sleeping on the cushions of my fold out loveseat. I should have known damn well better than to believe any woman would have been comfortable sleeping or being intimate on it, and it bit me in the ass but only momentarily. I should have transformed my room months ago, just glad I stepped up and did what I had to to show her the last thing I wanted was for her to not feel comfortable when she came over to see me. The environment you inhabit makes a BIG impact!
We've been exclusive for the last few weeks and just came back from our first mini vacation, and are already talking about going on another one! We've both deleted our dating apps/profiles and were just on the phone last night telling each other how much we can hardly believe how much we like each other and how happy we are together. We talk and text every day and are getting closer all the time, and we communicate exceptionally well. And we're both at a place in our lives that's interesting but exciting, and very happy to be able to share all of it with each other. She told me the other day that her only responsibility to me as my partner was to make me happy by whatever means necessary...The needle on my smile meter has been buried needless to say.
To summarize all this, I wanted to post this to hopefully give all of you some hope here. I know dating is exhausting, it's frustrating, disappointing, etc. but as Ruby said earlier to me this year, "You're looking for the ONE, so all the others are going to fail". And all the others did. None of them made the effort to text, much less call me...or barely did. I have been busting my ass all year and finally hit paydirt, and I feel fantastic. But as I was experiencing all this, I learned a whole lot about myself, what I really wanted, what I didn't want, and how to navigate and handle all the pitfalls of going after what I wanted with a vengeance. I'll end this with something my girl told me: "It doesn't matter what we want. What matters is what are we going to do to get what we want." Words of wisdom, words of truth. I'm proud to say that I did what I had to and am reaping the benefits hugely now!
I really hope this helps some or all of you feel some hope, because before I met and interacted with Ruby I barely had any. You have to do the work, and LISTEN TO HER, but you have to keep moving forward and doing what's necessary at all times (that's life, but especially something as hard as dating these days). Best of luck to you all!