Jason is a 29 years old software developer who shares how hard it is for him to connect with people and has experienced struggles in dating even before COVID, and now, he’s in awe of how he was able to get multiple responses from online dating apps after a couple of days of working one on one with Ruby.
He said that it’s a huge improvement aside from knowing his strengths and being able to build and market them. Because before, He wouldn’t really know what made him attractive and don’t know why people liked him. Below is the transcription of Ruby’s talk with Jason and has been edited for clarity.
Talk with Jason
Ruby: Hey, guys. Thanks for hopping on to another one of these client stories. I’m really excited to share with you this. Today, we have Jason here. Hi, Jason, how are you doing?
Jason: Been doing well, how about you?
Ruby: I’m doing well. Thank you so much for doing this and taking the time. So, let’s just hop right to it so that the listeners can get to your great story. First, tell me a little bit more about who you are, where you started, and where you are now?
A little bit about him
Jason: Sure. I’m Jason. I’m 29 and I live in the NOVA region. I work as a software developer. I think dating was hard for me before. Even before COVID, after my relationship in college, I never really had a long-term one. I didn’t really know how to connect with people. Now mean, I’m getting tons of chat requests, I guess, on these dating apps. I’ve been on it a couple of days already. So, it’s a huge improvement.
Ruby: Yeah, exciting times. It’s always exciting when you first get those few chats and the dates, you’re like, “Oh, okay.” You’ve got to remember, you’re like, “Oh, this is, okay something’s working here.”
Jason: Yeah. Even during COVID, it’s like, “Wow.”
Jason’s biggest obstacle that he overcame
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Ruby: That’s right, even during COVID, that’s true. A lot of people think that dating has really died but no, it’s still possible to make it work well while obviously still being safe. Great. What do you think was the biggest obstacle you overcame during our time?
Jason: It should be knowing my strengths and being able to build on my strengths and being able to market my strengths kind of. Because before, I wouldn’t really know what made me attractive. I don’t know why people liked me. Now, I have a good idea of that and I’m able to market that better, or just communicate that better with the people I’m dating. I think that’s giving me a lot of success.
Ruby: Amazing. Yeah, it’s really important not to just because you obviously know yourself, and I’ve always told people that it’s more than just that it’s really about knowing what makes you attractive and how to express it. Do you feel that you’ve had– because of that not knowing your strength, did you struggle with anything in regard to your dating mindset?
Mindset is so vital
Jason: I think the overall mindset is really important. My mindset, to begin with, as I have no idea what I’m doing. I would like to learn from someone who can teach me what to do. So, I think my mindset really changed in that regard and I’m really happy that I took this course.
Ruby: Yeah, that’s awesome. I love that because I feel a lot of people do come into this just not knowing as you said. It’s like being lost, you’re lost in the field. As you said, I remember the beginning, you were just simply saying, “I just need some sort of direction,” With that, and the direction and steps given, then that’s how knowing, it builds that confidence and such.
Summary of Ruby’s guidance
Jason talks about how very clear and straightforward Ruby is.
Ruby: Give everyone a little summary of how my guide helped you get the quality ladies you have now?
Jason: I think your guidance is overall very easy to understand and also, like I said, before keeping that mindset of just this isn’t about getting a girl immediately off the bat. It’s about developing habits and even developing your own models in your head about yourself and other people. I think you’re very clear and you have a good explanation of what to do as well as the exercises that you put out. It’s very clear and straightforward as to what I need to do in order to get to the next step basically.
Ruby: Yes, I’ve always said, I think in the first call, I always talk about like, “Hey, I’m very straightforward. I hope you’re okay with that.” I want to share this quick story because it made me think of it, but I always tell people my kind of coaching style is straightforward.
I don’t try to sugarcoat things and I remember there are moments you remember where let’s say, you have a certain narrative about somebody, I forgot what is that, and was like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, you’re jumping there. You’re jumping to the future.”
Where is he right now
Ruby: So, it’s all about reeling you back in. That’s what the dating mindset is. So, it’s amazing to see where you are now, not only have plenty of chats, but you were actually able to get dates and quality dates too. Tell us a little bit more about how you’re feeling now? Everyone always loves hearing of what you’re feeling now and how you are now versus before?
Jason: I think the biggest feeling is online dating isn’t as bad as I thought it would be, before, without this course, it was mainly me trying my hardest to get girls to talk to me online and failing pretty miserably. And then, after this course, I got a lot of people messaging me on multiple dating apps. And by a lot, a lot more than usual. I don’t have tons of people messaging me but at least a week, I’ll get two or three people messaging me back. I think that’s a huge improvement from the zero I got before.
Ruby: That’s amazing. Yeah, as you said, you entered into online dating not sure if it would work. Even during and as we were doing online dating, what did you tell yourself to help yourself stay grounded and just do the steps I was talking about and just trusting it, I guess? What would you say to yourself?
Jason: Exercise what we covered. It was like anything to tell myself, it’ll either work out, or I’ll walk away with knowing what to do next and knowing what to do. I didn’t go in expecting to immediately get a girlfriend or immediately get a date. I walked in, wanting to improve myself, and I think that’s the biggest thing to me. In the end, I would have still improved myself in some way and that’s okay with me.
Jason’s advice in getting a dating coach
Ruby: I love that. It’s always remembering, what am I going to get out of it and if I don’t try, I probably won’t get anything, but you’ll get something. You’ll learn something. That’s what you’re saying and that’s what you accepted as long as you took the right steps. Awesome. Normally, many people are too scared to get help on such a vulnerable topic. It can feel shameful, especially depending on what culture and ethnicity you have, but can you speak to that and what would you say to them?
Jason: I think it is mainly just mindset. I don’t think anyone has to know that you hired someone to help you with dating. It’s not really even a bad thing, because I bet a bunch of people like me struggles with dating. As Ruby showed me, I’m actually not a bad guy.
It’s just about how I reacted to other people and how I interacted with other people. So, it’s mainly just, you have to realize that this is a learning opportunity for you and like anything in life, if you want to get better at something, you need to either work really hard at it or have someone teach you what to do.
It was hard for me to work hard at it because I couldn’t really talk to girls, I didn’t know what was wrong, so I thought maybe it’s time I hire someone to tell me what to do.
How worthy is this kind of investment
Ruby: Love it. Preach. Just preach that. It’s how you succeed in life. It’s just about any area as you said, if you don’t have something, you seek help for it in any area. This area, well, shouldn’t be different, I guess you’re saying.
With that, what are the reasons you noticed this investment– because obviously, it’s a heavy investment, what did you notice made it worth it? When you first said yes, what was it that had you go, “I’m going to really push for it, I’m going to do it”?
Jason: What was worth it was really, once we started the courses, there were actually a lot of small mindsets. I already thought that my mindset was pretty good in that I wasn’t really afraid of rejection and I just wanted to learn as opposed to seeking out a partner, but there are all these other smaller mind tweaks that you brought up and then when you brought those up, I was like, “Oh, yeah, that’s definitely another way to look at it. I can work with this.” I think that was the biggest– When I started noticing those, I’m like, “Okay, yeah, this is definitely something that will help me.”
Qualities you need to be successful in this
Ruby: Love it. It’s like any concept of how from someone from the outside looking in, and sometimes you don’t notice a habit you do yourself, but it only takes another person to call it out because you probably wouldn’t have been able to see it by yourself.
That’s, I guess, the beauty of working one on one. That’s awesome. Last but not– Well, last but not least, I guess two more. What qualities do you think one needs to be successful in this and be like you, where you’re at dating successfully, what do you think are the qualities they need to join this course, but obviously, actually make it successful?
Jason: I really think that people need to understand that this is not an overnight thing and it’s something you work at. Ruby instantly fixed some of my stuff, like my profile–my pictures and stuff, a lot. But some of the smaller changes like mindset and understanding yourself a little bit better and what makes people more attracted to you, that it’s just trusting.
I guess that will make a difference and also just listen to Ruby really. Listen to what she tells you and do the exercises that she wants you to do and I think it’ll help a lot of it.
Ruby: I love it. It sounds so simple. Just listen and do. I do want to bring up how I really appreciated you even during the program, because you really committed to each step and as you just mentioned, the photos took a while and I know for a lot of guys probably reading this, they don’t really take photos of themselves.
That’s just normally how it is and so, it’s already hard to get yourself to go take photos. But I remember for you, it was a while, I was telling you we need better photos. Did you take photos yet? Did you take photos yet? But the thing is that you stayed dedicated to it. You found a way to do it. If you couldn’t go outside, then you found a way to get good lighting inside.
So, even when it’s something like that, I’m pretty sure it was a bit of a struggle to do because it’s out of your normal comfort zone. What was the narrative you kept saying there to get yourself to keep doing that and get those photos?
Jason: I was just like, “Yeah, Ruby probably knows best. Honestly, I should really get this done even if I’m bad at it.” And then, I was like, “Okay, maybe someone else can do it.”, and I think the bigger thing there is just having that mindset that like– It all goes back to mindset really, you want to improve and then if these are the steps to improve, then if you’re not having any luck before, you might as well try these steps anyway. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t.
His advice to those on the edge right now
Ruby: Awesome, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t, I love that. Love it. To actually wrap this up, a lot of times, guys who are reading this are probably in your shoes and are on the edge of thinking maybe I should do this. What would you say to those guys on the edge right now about to dive in?
Jason: I would say if you have the means to do it and you really think that you’re in a good place in your life to also have a significant other or start looking for a significant other, it’s definitely worth it. Like I said before, I went from zero replies and zero dates to quite a lot of replies and I’m actually probably going to go on my third date with someone I’m seeing right now. That’s really exciting because I don’t know when I’ve ever gone on a third date in the past years.
Ruby: And been excited about it. She’s actually someone that you enjoy. It’s not like you’re doing it because that’s all you have. You actually enjoy her.
It’s all about how you understand yourself
Jason: Right. No, that’s another thing. You’ll eventually get over the fact that maybe this girl is the only one that will like me because, in the end, it’s just all about how you understand yourself and how your mindset is, and how you market yourself and really helps with all that.
Ruby: That’s amazing. I love it. Thank you so much for sharing your story today. There’s a lot of great nuggets in there. Thank you, guys, so much for listening. Thank you, Jason, for being here, really appreciate it. For everyone else, until next time, until the next story and you could be the next Jason. All righty, guys, have a good one.
Jason’s story is such an inspiration, from not knowing what he is going to get from online dating apps to shifting his mindset on how he’ll be able to make it, and getting professional help from Ruby is one of the biggest investments that really help him to be successful in this area. Who knows you could be the next one sharing a successful dating story here.