Why isn’t she asking me questions? Seems like she’s not even wanting a conversation with me…
Let’s say you get her number after meeting her at a bar, or you started messaging her after you two have mutually liked each other….you’re excited! Because she, at a point, expressed equal interest in you.
If she didn’t, she wouldn’t have said “yes”
Now, here comes the confusing part….
You start texting her, doing all the right things you feel is good practice…
But, then, she keeps responding to your questions…..and that’s that. Like this
Well, there are plenty of reasons why this is happening. And, after years of collecting answers of why a woman would act like this (or, in this case….lack of answering…) it comes down to two reasons, and they are easy fixes once you recognize which reason it is.
Watch my Youtube video below as I go through the two reasons why she’s not engaged in the conversation, why she’s not asking you questions, and what you can do right now
If you’re stuck with finding quality dates to start with, make sure to download your free ebook on the 5-steps to get quality dates below
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Two reasons why she’s not engaged in the conversation
If she doesn’t seem too interested in the conversation, there are two layers to why this is. One is recognizing she’s not enticed by the conversation, and the second is very evident for you — she’s not asking you questions. So, let’s go through both of them…
Why she’s not interested in the conversation
The questions you’re asking may not be helping you two connect. Most of the time, many start off conversations with “so how’s it going?” or “so what’s your favorite….?” and quite honestly, those starters lead to a boring conversation. It’s very common for men to ask about your day, your favorite food, travel destination, and what you like to do.
But, those topics lead to more information about the interest itself, not the person. And especially if you don’t share the same interest or talk about why you enjoy those interests, the conversation leads to the dead end “oh, I see” and “that sounds cool”
Women appreciate it when you take time to get to know them. And that is done by asking the right questions. Questions that allow you to actually get to know who she is, her journey, her values, and her viewpoints.
Changing “What’s your favorite travel destination?” to “What do you look for in a travel destination?” makes a huge difference on what she ends up talking about, which will then lead to a more in depth conversation.
One leads you to learn more about Paris, while the latter leads you to learn more about her views on travel, what she looks for, her process, and her travel spirit.
So let’s stop asking “how’s your day?” and start asking “what’s the highlight of your day?”
That question allows her to give a more meaningful answer, instead of “I’m good. You?” and you’ll learn a lot about what she chooses to share and what a highlight means to her.
So start reflecting on your text messages and see if your questions are actually allowing you to get to know her. Are they surface level questions? Are they questions about the interest/hobby? If yes, let’s try to switch it up!
Why she’s not asking questions
If a lady isn’t asking questions about yourself, there’s really two reasons why that is:
She’s not interested in having a relationship, maybe just a texting buddy or a distraction
There’s not much about you to be curious about (sorry, did that sound harsh? Just being direct here…but let me tell you what you can do 😀 )
If a lady initially expressed interest and gave you contact information to message her, it’s usually #2.
So how do you allow her to be curious?
You allow her to be curious by giving her information about yourself. So, Yes….you have to talk about yourself 🙂
This is where knowing your attractive traits and how to talk about it is incredibly important.
Most men think that if a woman doesn’t ask “what about you?” then you can’t talk about yourself.
Not true. You don’t need an invitation to tell a short fact about yourself.
Just because she didn’t ask you doesn’t mean she doesn’t care, isn’t interested, or an awful person. Many times women forgot to ask, is busy, and quite frankly — if they’re a popular lady with other messages going on, she’s answering because she still has interest but will move onto the next.
You allow her to get curious by giving a fact about yourself aligning with the topic of conversation. Now, you don’t want to tell your whole detailed personal story, of course. Just a fact so you can allow her to ask the questions if she’s genuinely interested. After her response, you’d share the fact in relation to the topic, then still ask a follow up question. Like below:
Once she reads the fact about yourself, and if she’s intrigued by your answer, she will ask for more detail. Then, of course, she will answer your question.
If you’re thinking
why doesn’t she take the extra effort? Why doesn’t she just read my profile to know what to ask?
I get it, it’s quite frustrating from your point of view where you feel like you have to work so much harder than the lady.
But, here’s the truth…..Quality ladies are in demand, there are plenty of men going after them. Men who see the lady’s worth will pursue them and persist. Women appreciate that quality because it proves how much they are willing to fight for them, which women associate with commitment and confidence.
This is why most women appreciate being chased because they want to be in a relationship with a leader, a person who goes after what he wants, and is incredibly secure in who he is.
So, in the beginning, put in that extra effort to say something about yourself, then have a follow up question. It will help in the long run.
When it’s time to let go
Now, I still want you to be in a healthy and loving relationship. So, if you practice this method of saying something about yourself, then asking a question..but you do this for 2-3 days of texting, and she still doesn’t ask you a question…..then let it go.
That’s where it’s obvious she’s only looking for a texting buddy or….she simply only cares about herself (oohhh, I got a little harsh there again…If you’re a lady reading this, sorry but not sorry but that’s the truth)
If you start seeing responses like this, even after following the format from above, it’s time to let it go..
You’d hope to have messages similar to this:
In the above example, she didn’t ask the basic question back of “how about you?” because he shared facts that got her curious. What creative bear sign is she missing?! Haha. My client above also did a great job of stating a simple fact, but not going into the whole story of his abroad experience. You want to save those longer stories for the first date 🙂
But, once again, if you don’t see her interested after days/weeks of messaging….then now you know you have done your best and she is not for you if she can’t even take a little time to ask about you.
And that’s it! That is the deep dive into why women may not be into the conversation, what you can try, and recognizing when to let go.
If you want a deeper dive into online messaging, check my video below for the exact step-by-step formula taking you from first messages to transitioning to a date.
Learn More here