What are the reasons why you may not be getting a second date? Let’s talk about this because it can be very disappointing when you go on first dates, but only first dates. Let’s say you get plenty of first dates, but for some reason, these ladies have decided to either ghost or tell you, they don’t want to continue forward with you after the first date. The tricky part of that is first dates are normally just a warmup in getting to know each other. When you’re not given another chance, there isn’t really a big concrete answer of what you did wrong or what you could improve on.
It’s different when you dated someone for three to four dates and you realized that let’s say, your values just don’t connect. That’s valid and fair. That’s why you realize you cannot continue further. But when it’s just one date, it can be confusing, because you wonder, “What did I not do, because I feel like it was a great date?” You could have felt you did have a good conversation and you had a good time, but she says she just doesn’t want to move forward with you. I want to share with you guys usually the most popular three reasons why us ladies decide not to continue forward on a second date.
“Is there no girl out there for me?”
That’s what they feared…
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Not a Strong Impression
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Reason number one, which is probably a really big popular one is, there wasn’t enough of a strong impression from you. She did not walk away from the date feeling curious enough about you. Your first impressions are everything. Just imagine for a second when a woman comes home to her friend after your date. Of course, she’s going to talk about it, and she’s going to talk about you, and what she got from you. Do you know what women say about you? what you are expressing on these dates? and what are you’re trying to express? Are you funny, adventurous, charismatic, value growth…. do you know?
Most of the time, even in my own personal perspective, when I hear about date reviews from my own friends, they’ll just say, “I mean, he was really kind, and nice, and he likes… tennis.” They’re even struggling figuring out how to describe you. Make sure that you’re giving a strong first impression. In order to figure that out, it’s really important to ask yourself, “What did you share about yourself?” Instead of stating facts or statements, go to my other video. I talk about being able to build an emotional connection and that is tied to how you express yourself.
Share enough of yourself
Reflect on what you’ve been sharing or if you’ve been sharing at all. I feel many of my clients go into dates just wanting to have a good conversation and ask her questions, but they realized they didn’t share enough about themselves. Because they feel that women should be talking the whole time, but that’s not the case. What ends up happening is, you don’t say enough about yourself and she walks away not knowing you. And because she doesn’t know you, she thinks, “Why do I need to spend more time when I’m not curious about anything, because I don’t get a sense for who you are?” Really make sure you know what you’re expressing on these dates, how you’re presenting yourself, what you’re saying about yourself, and making sure that comes across. That’s number one.
2. Difficult Conversation
Number two is a difficulty in conversation. It doesn’t easily flow. Normally that stems from either not having enough things in common or from the inability to express yourself ,like number one, and to carry the conversation. Having that balance of sharing about yourself, and asking good questions, and then connecting on things that you have similar.
But if you realize you don’t really have too many things that are similar, then it gets a little difficult to continue the conversation. If you notice there are more silences or you spend more time trying to figure out what to say, then usually that’s a difficult conversation.
Also, a big issue of this as well is not being able to have the same communication style. That’s okay. Sometimes, you realize you don’t communicate the same way, you don’t share the same way, and that’s actually not a loss. It’s not. But I’m just stating that normally one of the biggest reasons why guys aren’t getting a second date is because women feel that conversation just felt unnatural and forced, and it just wasn’t easy. If anything, in any relationship, that’s number one. You hope that the conversation is easy and it flows. Especially for a first date when you’re just getting to know each other, those two hours should be filled with conversation. If it’s not, why continue it further?
Not Enough Fun
Then last but not least. Number three, to why you may not be getting a second date is, well, there’s not enough playfulness, or fun, laughter. That is really important in any relationship. You want to share the good times with a partner. This happens when my clients are more stoic or more serious and they don’t mean to be. It’s just how they are in their everyday life. Make sure this isn’t an issue. One, that maybe choose a date that’s fun that allows you to laugh, that allows you to express yourself, and don’t be afraid to flirt and to play.
But that’s usually big. Many times, women will walk away saying, “I know enough about you. I know your values, your qualities. We had a good conversation, but I didn’t laugh at a single point. I just didn’t have fun.” I think that’s valid. If someone tells their friend, “I don’t know, it just wasn’t that fun though,” why would they want to try more? Because you would hope dates are fun. It’s not just about connecting, but it’s about having a good time.
Those are the three reasons on why you may not be getting a second date. Go through them and if you feel you’re missing or you’re weak in any of them, you can get stronger in it, build from it. I hope this helps you guys get those second dates.
Having a great first date does not guarantee getting a second date even though it went well. It leaves more confusion and if you’re not sure what you’re doing wrong, it’s time to consider getting feedback from a dating coach. Schedule your free call here!