“How do you date when you’re inexperienced?” Also, the question of, “Will women be attracted to me if I’m inexperienced?” The first thing I want to talk about in regards to that is to remember that everyone starts from somewhere. Every single person that is dating, has a girlfriend or in a relationship, they started somewhere. People started with nothing at a certain point.
Usually, when people ask me this question, they’re usually of older age, when they realize that they used their time in their 20s for a different reason. It could be for any reason, it could be you focused on your career, it could be because you’re in college the whole time, so you’re focused on your studies, maybe you’re taking care of your family. Whatever it is, it was a choice, at a certain point for you not to date and try to meet ladies at an age where most people are meeting singles.
“Is there no girl out there for me?”
That’s what they feared…
Good-hearted men worried, doubted and almost gave up until they’ve read this proven 5-Step Plan:
Download your free ebook here: 5-steps to Quality Dates
Accept Your Journey So Far
The important thing to do in this case is, first, before trying to figure out what to do and how to gain that experience,
you need to accept your journey so far, you need to accept that you have chosen your path and own it.
When you own it, and you feel good about it, women don’t really question it. When men wonder if the reason why a woman rejected them is that they’re inexperienced, it’s actually not. It’s because women can see if you lack confidence, if you’re super nervous, and don’t know what to do if you have low self-esteem. It’s really not about the inexperience, maybe because the inexperience worries you, so it gets in your mind, and you present yourself like that. Some of my clients were inexperienced but they still got a girlfriend that never questioned them because they are confident enough. They know what to do they feel good about themselves. They feel good about their journey and why they are at the place that they’re at now.
This ebook has the ultimate plan for every good-intentioned man to find his true love, no matter the previous failures
Download your free ebook here: 5-steps to Quality Dates
Cherish this eBook: it contains more than a decade of proven wisdom from my vast experience with single men as a couples therapist, matchmaker, coach and previous eHarmony lead.
Be confident, to tell the truth
The first thing is being aware of how you even talk about your life, your journey, and why dating hasn’t been a priority until now because what I’ve seen is that many men worry, more than women. When they’re talking about it, they start to sound like they’re really uncertain about their journey and ashamed of it.
Because they’re talking about their journey in that way, it’s not that attractive to ladies. If you can own it and say, “Look, I’ll be honest, I haven’t had a girlfriend yet, but that’s because I was really focused on my career, I was really passionate about it. I didn’t want anything distracting me. This is why I’m here with you now because I’m trying to get that experience, I want to meet someone. Now, it’s a priority in my life.” If you stated it like that, women don’t question it. If they’re going to reject you, just based on experience, that lady is not for you anyways. That’s the first thing you want to talk about. It’s making sure that you own your journey, and you can talk about it, and express it with confidence because you accept it. You hope she understands.
The next thing, we want to talk about, of course, is how to get out of this inexperienced bubble. Well, of course, the short answer is to get experience. Now, it’s easier said than done. There are two layers to this. It’s where do you start? That’s the question I normally get. “Where do I start, Ruby?” Or, the second one is, “How do I get experience if people are not responding to me and giving me that chance?”
Where do you start?
The first thing I talk about is where do you start? Well, I recognize that a really good strategy is to pick an area that you don’t know what to do in. It could be how to approach a lady, it could be you don’t know online dating that much, it could be where to go, it could be the type of woman that you want, you don’t know.
Whichever it is, pinpoint that area, and then seek help and resources for it. You’re reading this blog right now, so you already had a good place and step in wanting to get help and seeing where you can get more information, but it is up to you to take it a step further, instead of googling or just constantly watching videos to maybe get specific feedback on that. There are resources out there, if it’s not mine, with courses where you can begin, so you can make sure you get all the levels. This is why people do one-on-ones with me so that I’m with them every step of the way, so they can completely understand. There are many resources out there for you.
You just have to invest your time to do so.
How do I get experience if people are not responding to me?
Secondly, it’s how do you get experience if people don’t give you the chance. Normally, when a man is asking this is because he’s only doing online dating. Online dating, if you’re not getting any responses, something’s not working. It’s your photos, your profile, and the way you’re messaging. It’s maybe you’re being too picky, I don’t know. What I would suggest is to look into that more and see how you can improve your online dating presence, or also, don’t just try online dating. Most men who are saying this are they’re narrowing themselves into one method.
Seek out help
However, what I challenge you to do is ask yourself, have I tried everything? Am I pushing myself out of my comfort zone to try different methods? It could be meetup events, it could be single events, speaking events, it could even be reaching out to old friends and connecting with them because you don’t know. You don’t know their group, you don’t know their network.
It also could be an option is that you actually express to your family or your friends, like,
“Hey, I want a date. I want to experience. So, if you know anybody, let me know.”
Push yourself out of your comfort zone in that way to get all the opportunities that you can but do not just stay in your comfort level, and just do online dating, because it is the one where you get to actually stay at home and just swipe away. You have to try and push yourself to do something uncomfortable because that’s where the transformation really begins.
Invest in yourself
Easier said than done to “get out there,” but a lot of it is about trying something that you haven’t done. I know you may hear that a lot. The people who are stuck in the same place are not actually either implementing what they’re learning from this blog. I think it’s time to really see what area you want help in and then find those resources.
Invest your time and money in doing so, that’s the only place where you can get an answer that is different than something you’ve come up with in your mind.
I hope that I answer the question and that helps you. Always know that it’s ok to be where you are right now. It’s about just starting somewhere and doing something about it.
The anxiety surrounding your dating inexperience can be overwhelming but it doesn’t have to be the handicap you think it is. Wanna know how to keep your inexperience from working against you? Find out here!