This question asked me a lot “How to ask for a girl’s number?” This could be when you meet someone in person, or you want to further the conversation, or it could be from online dating, and you want to level up the connection. Either way, I’m going to be showing you how to ask for a girl’s number without being creepy or scaring her away. The first thing I actually want to go over is the three things that you want to avoid when you’re asking for a girl’s number.
I do want to make a quick note that I am suggesting these tips from a combination of not only professionally as a dating coach, and watching my clients do different strategies, but also as a female, as a woman who has personal experience (check out this video where I shared of when a man hit on me & gave me his number), and what it has felt like when I’ve had different approaches or different ways men have tried to transition. Just wanted to make a note of that. Now, let’s get into what to avoid.
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Don’t Ask For It Abruptly
The first thing you want to avoid is making sure you don’t ask for her number abruptly. You’re talking about something great, and then out of the blue, without even talking or validating about what she just said, you’re all of a sudden saying, “So, by the way, what’s your number?” When you abruptly do that, women will back up, and then they’ll start to hesitate, and then they’ll ask all these questions of why. “Why are you wanting my number? Who are you? Do I feel safe enough to give you my personal information? I don’t know if you are a clinger type if you’re going to text me all the time, or if you’re going to use my number for something else.
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Who knows if there’s that much trust here.” Most of the time, when you’re just abruptly asking that question, women are already going through those questions, and then that leads to normally a no.
You want to make sure you don’t abruptly ask it out of nowhere. You want to make sure you close out, at least a little bit, the conversation you just had and just allow her to let her know you heard her, and then you can properly transition.
Avoid Making Statements
The second thing you want to avoid is making statements. Instead of asking for a number, you’re saying, “Give me your number.” That’s not great for more women normally, because by doing that, you’re basically pushing her into a corner, and hopefully just forcing her to give you her number. Yes, maybe pickup artists may advise differently than I do, but usually, that’s not my audience anyways, because I believe that when you push someone to do that, you’re not getting their authentic answer and their real answer.
Most women are only giving you “the number,” and I say that in quotes because a lot of women will just give a fake number to get you to get off of them. When you push someone to give them something like that, women want to feel they are part of this decision.
Women want to feel it is actually their decision to give you their number. That’s why if they ever say no, don’t push it. Just let it go and accept it. Make sure just don’t make it a statement.
Don’t Ask for the Date
The third is making sure you don’t ask for the date. I know this topic is more specifically about asking for her number, but many times when people are transitioning, they think that they should ask for the date first and say, “Hey, let’s go grab coffee sometime,” “Hey, let me take you out,” and then ask what’s your number, but that’s not the case. I will say the exception here is online dating. Online dating, actually I highly suggest that, because online dating, you’ve already gotten to know each other after a couple of days or a week.
There are already built rapport and trust there, and you want to go on a date. If this is an in-person approach, no. I don’t suggest that because women cannot commit to that already when you’re a stranger when they don’t know enough about you. It’s just too much of a commitment to make. They want to, of course, rather get to know you more a little bit before they make that decision. Those are the three points to avoid.
Validate What You Enjoyed About the Conversation
Now, how to actually ask for her number? Well, there are only really three things you need to remember. The first is validating what you enjoyed about that conversation so that she can understand what you like about her, and why you would even want to take it a step further.
A simple validation or compliment is saying, “I’ve really enjoyed this conversation with you so far, you have such great energy.”
That’s it, even just saying, “Oh, I love the chat. You had so much to share,” it’s actually pretty funny.
Allow her to understand your intention
Whichever it is, just tell her what you liked, so that way she knows, “Oh, okay. There’s some insight here and why he likes me. Okay, that makes sense.” Then after you do that. Next, you will say you want to get to know her more. What does that do? It allows her to understand your intent.
The intent is to get to know her more. Casual and cool. It’s very non-threatening,
you’re not saying, “I’m going to date you so hard,” you’re not doing any of that. There’s no commitment here. It’s just simply saying, “I like to chat. I want to get to know you more,” and then the end is the question.
Allow her to be the Part of the Decision
Instead of asking, what is your number, you can ask, “What do you think? Would you be open to that?” Now, you’re allowing her to be part of this decision and the conversation so that if she hesitates, you’ll know why. She’ll say, “Oh, I’m not too sure. I mean, I just met you.” That’s fine. If she gave you that answer, at least you’re trying to understand.
By asking that, if she says, “Yes, sure. Let’s get to know each other more,” that’s where you can offer, “Okay, well, do you mind exchanging phone numbers?” Or, “do you want another way of exchanging contact?”
I give that alternative because some women don’t want to give up their personal numbers. It really is personal to them.
Most of the time, women nowadays are giving out their Instagram and social media handles. Which are the most popular. So that they get a little glimpse of who you are first before deciding to give their number. That’s totally fine.
Doing that kind of transition allows her to be involved, it allows her to make the decision, it allows her to feel safe, and it allows her to be authentic and real with you. If she decides no or she’s hesitating on something, at least she gets to say it.
That’s how you ask for a girl’s number. Allow her to be part of it. Remember the things to avoid, and all you can do is try, and if you mess up the first time around, it’s totally okay, but that kind of structure of asking for her number in that way, once again, allows a woman to feel safe, comfortable and be real with you and what she thinks. Then, you can take it from there.
I hope that helps you guys. Go out there and let’s see how you’ll be able to get a girl’s number. What dates and numbers you can get. Thank you so much for taking the time to read.
You can’t ask a girl’s phone number out of the blue, that would lose your chance and creep her out. You have to have a connection and learn the step-by-step formula to getting the girl’s number. Learn how to go from the initial message to asking her out on a date below.
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