We’re talking about how to have an engaging conversation with a girl. Not just a conversation, not just keeping a conversation going, but an engaging one. You could feel really good at conversations, and you could feel like you are a good storyteller, but that doesn’t mean it engages a woman enough to excite her, to build her curiosity, to intrigue her, to keep the dating going. I’ve heard this question many times with that kind of exact keyword, so I wanted to share with you today one big change that will hopefully shift your conversations to make it engaging.
“Is there no girl out there for me?”
That’s what they feared…
Good-hearted men worried, doubted and almost gave up until they’ve read this proven 5-Step Plan:
Download your free ebook here: 5-steps to Quality Dates
Review the Goal
The first thing I want to talk about is the goal. We want to review the goal of a conversation. Remember that the intent, the goal is to connect. That’s the whole point of dating. That’s how dating continues. So, we want to make sure we remember that goal. The goal in this conversation is to connect. In order to do that you do need to get to know each other. As you’re getting to know each other, the best way is through what? Through stories.
This ebook has the ultimate plan for every good-intentioned man to find his true love, no matter the previous failures
Download your free ebook here: 5-steps to Quality Dates
Cherish this eBook: it contains more than a decade of proven wisdom from my vast experience with single men as a couples therapist, matchmaker, coach and previous eHarmony lead.
Because anybody can say, “Oh, I like traveling, I like hiking, and I love food.” Tell me someone who doesn’t love food 🙂 or, travel is a big one. Especially this past year, people have been itching to travel. It doesn’t make you really any different. But when you get to a place where you’re willing and can share your stories, that’s where you really stand out.
But here’s the thing. I’ve seen it many times where my clients or you guys will tell me, you’re telling stories but you can tell it’s not engaging enough. It doesn’t keep her interest. It doesn’t excite her in any way. So, you wonder, “What’s happening with my storytelling? Is it bad? What’s going on here?” Here is the key to make the storytelling more engaging and the conversation in general.
Show Your Traits Through Stories
Remember to know what you are trying to express in your story about yourself. I’m going to say that again and in a different way. Every story you tell, should express and show a trait of personality, a characteristic of you. There should be a goal to it. I feel like even personally, I’ve been on days in the past when I was single and yeah, people could just tell stories on and on, but I quite honestly don’t know the point of it. I’ll be honest, you guys, I’ve heard many stories and I don’t know, what was the reason for telling that story.
I couldn’t get a grasp of who this person was or what they’re trying to tell me through it. What’s important to remember is, when you tell a story, what trait are you trying to show? Are you trying to show your value of self-growth and improvement? to show that you’re adventurous? to show that you’re caring, and you care a lot about your friends and family? Be clear on that. When you’re clear on that, you wrap up the story very nicely with that value.
Keep An Engaging Conversation
For example, let’s say, you’re telling a story about how you were out this past weekend, and you were able to adapt to all the crazy, unexpected circumstances that happened, and you still made it a good time. In that story, you’re walking her through exactly what happened to you. You’re painting that story. But within that story, it can get lost of what you’re trying to say. Are you’re trying to say that you’re adventurous, you’re fun, you’re up for anything, you’re spontaneous? Or, let’s say for example, you’re actually trying to show that you can make any situation a good one, and you’re very adaptable? So, if that’s the case.
At the end of the story, that’s when you’ll say,
“Yeah, that’s what made it such a crazy weekend but these are those moments where I am really grateful and very happy that I have been able to practice on my ability to accept everything that happens, and just adapt, and recognize it’s all in my thoughts. It’s all up to me to make it a good time. Any way you can put me up, pretty sure I can make it fun and spice it up.”
That’s it. That’s why when you wrap up the story nicely, she’ll already think, “Oh, that’s cool. You do have that. That’s actually a really cool trait. I don’t see that in many people.” Maybe other people have tried to show that trait, but it wasn’t as clear.
That is the strategy to keeping an engaging conversation because when she sees that value in you, and she has that value too, or she appreciates it, she will compliment, validate you and say, “That’s a really awesome trait…Let me tell you a story where I happened to me.” And then, now you’re connecting on the same value.
Now because you showed a part of you that she really, I hope is attracted to, she wants to get to know you more. She wants to learn more about your stories. What other stories show that you’re really adaptable? And the conversation just continues, because now you’re basing it off of a value that you two connect on. That brings us back to the whole goal of a connection.
So, that’s that. That’s the key. That’s all I want you guys to remember. Go into the date thinking, “What am I trying to say about myself here? What traits am I trying to show?” I feel like too many people go into conversations blindfolded or they start drowning in it, because they’re just going with the flow, but then at the end of the day, when she leaves the date, she doesn’t have an impression of you. She doesn’t really know much about your characters, just your stories, which she’s not sure what to pick from those stories about you. That’s a way to guide the storytelling a little bit to make it more engaging.
If you have any other questions or any other issues with keeping the conversation. Keeping it going is a different issue than having an engaging one. So, I hope you guys take that with you. Take this key with you and remember for all the other dates, and remember, ask yourself, what traits are you really trying to show here?
Conversation matters in different ways, it is the most natural yet complex mode of connection. If you want to learn how to have and keep a conversation, click the button and learn more! Find out here!