How to make long distance work

Keeping a long distance alive requires a lot of work. So, let me discuss the three ways to make long-distance work. Now, how you got to be long-distance? It doesn’t matter. It could have been you guys met in the same city, realize that she was there for a trip, so she goes back to her state. Or, you could have started long distance, because you don’t mind dating someone that is in a different place than you. I’ve seen it happen where you actually start dating, you get this really great connection, and you or she has to do like a three-month work trip.

Either way, there’s a distance between you. And you really, really like this connection and this chemistry you have with her. So, you want to make sure you keep that spark alive, you want to make sure you’re doing your best to set this up for success. What are the three things to really focus on and to look at to make it work for you guys? 

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Plan Ahead

Number one, plan ahead. I’m actually quite surprised by the number of times I hear, people forget to do that. When I say plan ahead, I don’t mean vaguely saying, “Oh, yeah, we’ll see each other sometime,” or “Oh, we’ll see how it goes.” No, with long distances, you need an end goal. An end goal. So, who’s moving to who? Which city would you both move to? If you’re going to do a trial of living in the same city, which city are you going to do? Also, not just choosing the city, but make sure you choose the timeline.

When do you think either one of you can move to the other? Very important. This also includes, by the way, even just seeing each other. You don’t want to be long-distance for a whole year and never see each other in person. I’m talking about planning ahead in regard to your end goal. Number one, that’s very important, because if you don’t know where you’re going, you’re not going to go anywhere, and it’s going to only get more frustrating. Plan to see each other. Plan it. 

Do not just say, “Oh, I’ll see you when I next see you.” This is not normal in-person dating when you’re living in the same city. No, you want to say, “Okay, let’s talk about next month. What weekends are you free?” Plan it out, schedule out, by flights, and make that happen. That’s the only way chemistry and that connection can continue to grow because there’s only really so much text messaging, and video calling, all that can do.

So, plan ahead and come to an understanding of what the purpose is, what’s the goal here, where are we going to end up, and then also plan for your date, so when you see each other in person. Like I said, make sure, and don’t leave if she says, “Oh, I’m not sure I don’t know the dates right now.” When you guys catch up the week after, ask her again and say, “Hey, what weekends do you think you’re free, next month or the month after, so we can plan it?” Very important, because it’s easy to lose that if you just mentioned it once or twice. Okay. Number one, plan ahead, and understand the goal. 

 

Consistent Online Dates

Number two, do video dates, but not just video dates, get creative with video dates. It’s not just you guys ending your night with just being in bed, and with the camera, and you’re just talking. Like I said that can only go so far. And you want to keep the spark alive somehow, so plan some creative dates. You can go to my other video when I talked about virtual dating when this was happening during the pandemic, because during the pandemic, we couldn’t really see each other in-person.

It’s very similar to that. So, go to that and you can have some video date ideas. Get creative, you can maybe send her food, so it’s a dinner date and you’ll eat in front of each other. Maybe watch a movie together, screen sharing a film, or you can do something crafty. You can watch YouTube videos together, and do a wine and paint night. Get creative. If you’re not there in person, we got to do something different with these dates.

That’s what keeps it really interesting.  And, honestly, I think it’d be great if she thinks that you’re so creative and you’re always very attentive, and you really want this to work. So, make sure you not only plan these video dates, planning is a big part of it, but get creative with it, have fun with it, and change things up. 

 

Make an agreement

Last but not least, number three, on how to make long-distance work? You need to have clear agreements. When I say agreements, it’s asking when we’re not seeing each other, what’s the communication here? Some people aren’t exactly on the same page in regard to texting. “How often should we be texting? Do you want me to consistently tell you what I’m doing on a day-to-day basis?

How many times do you want a video call? Do you want to plan a video call or do you want to be spontaneous about it? Don’t leave me on red for two or three days, that’s very concerning to me. What do you need?”. So, this does go back to you, because it takes two people to come to an agreement. It is not just about asking her.

 

Ask her what do you need

What does she need to feel she’s being cared for and that she still has this connection with you? But ask yourself, what do you need? How much of a response time do you need from her? How much do you want her to text you? Maybe not at all. Maybe you’re not a texter. You’d rather her call you.

When you guys are on the phone with each other, do you want her fully present or you don’t mind that you’re hearing her do the dishes in the background, and she’s cleaning up or something? Some people really want to make sure that, “If I’m calling you, you’re very present?” It’s very important to come to those agreements. I’ve seen many long-distance relationships completely fall apart because they never had that conversation.

 

Discuss your communication style

And instead, he gets frustrated, because he can tell she’s very busy and frazzled on the phone call and not focused on him. Or, she gets irritated, because he didn’t respond really that much at all during the day and she feels she’s not part of his life. That’s always the biggest thing here. When you’re in a long-distance relationship, you just want to remember or feel you’re a part of that person’s life.

And that’s for you to discuss and come to an agreement because everyone’s really different on that kind of communication style and what they need. Those are the three ways to make long-distance work. Just go through those, and make a plan for yourself. Have that goal, what’s the end goal, and then you should be solid. At the end of the day, it’s about making sure that you both know that you’re really working at this because you both really want it.