We’re going to talk about how to stop overthinking about a girl, about dating? Because overthinking, literally takes you nowhere. Those moments where you want to do something, but because your thoughts are running at a hundred miles per hour, you end up so paralyzed that you don’t take any action, you lose an opportunity. It’s those moments when you want to do that action, but you doubt yourself and you start thinking 10 steps ahead, and you have all these questions for yourself, and then you realize, “Uh-oh, I didn’t do anything,” and you missed it.
It’s really important to make sure if you overthink, we need to figure out some strategies to help you overcome it. Because I will say, if you don’t start seriously trying to overcome, overthinking, your chances of finding a successful relationship is very, very slim. Because you are stopping yourself. No one else is. That’s one of the worst things to think about. So, let me share with you three really big things to focus on to stop overthinking.
“Is there no girl out there for me?”
That’s what they feared…
Good-hearted men worried, doubted and almost gave up until they’ve read this proven 5-Step Plan:
Download your free ebook here: 5-steps to Quality Dates
Be Aware of Your Fear and Reflect on Yourself
The first one is being able to reflect and be aware of your fear. Fear is what is stopping you from doing anything. Recognize what that fear and the root of that is, but then remind yourself of the motivation. The motivation and your desire to be in a relationship needs to be higher than the fear. Have you ever heard the line that says, “Keep going, despite the fear”? That’s life. It’s not just in dating, I’m pretty sure there are other areas in your life where you may have fear to do something, but you wanted it so much, you just did it despite the fear.
Because in reality, we can’t necessarily completely get rid of fear. It’s within us and it’s natural. But it’s about being able to still keep going even with that fear there, and you only can do that if your motivation and your desire to grow, to be in a relationship, to have a family is high. So, be very clear on your why and what your goal is and that really helps you go even though you have still that fear within you. That’s number one, a lot of reflection.
This ebook has the ultimate plan for every good-intentioned man to find his true love, no matter the previous failures
Download your free ebook here: 5-steps to Quality Dates
Cherish this eBook: it contains more than a decade of proven wisdom from my vast experience with single men as a couples therapist, matchmaker, coach and previous eHarmony lead.
Focus Only on the Next Step
Number two, is only figuring out what that next step is, taking that one step forward. When you’re overthinking, you’re thinking of the future or the past. You’re not in the present. You’re fearing what could happen or you’re worried something in the past will repeat itself. So, we need to bring you back to the present moment. Now, I talk about a technique and strategy, and how to do that in another video about overcoming shyness.
But for now, for this overthinking moment, bring yourself back in a moment and ask yourself, “What do I want? What do I want?” Let’s say, you’re about to talk to this girl, you’re overthinking. Go back to the present moment, ask yourself,
“What do you want? Well, I do want to date. I mean, I do want to talk to the girl. Okay, so what’s the next step?” That’s it. That’s all you got to focus on. What is the next step you can do to get closest to that?
Well, go talk to her. Stop there. No more thoughts. Just know your action and then you go do it. All right. Only think of your next step. One step at a time. That’s it. That is really it.
We only are paralyzed, because we’re thinking 10 steps ahead, which quite honestly, you can’t even get to that 10th step unless you make the first one. You’ll only know what happens if you make that step. Bring yourself back. “What do you want, a relationship? Okay, well, how do I get there? Well, I got to start dating. So, what’s the first step? Download an online dating app?” Then do it and there you go. One step at a time. All right.
Avoid High Expectations
Last but not least, number three. Remember, all you can do is your best. I feel like my clients put so much high expectations on themselves thinking that you have to be perfect and that everything you do has to be perfect, and you have to get it right the first time. But remember, we’re all human. No one expects you to get a right, and the only way we learn is if we make mistakes.
There’s no way to fail. You only fail if you don’t try. There’s no way you can learn if you don’t do anything.
So, I hope you see that every opportunity is an opportunity to learn and you get closer to that dream girl of yours. Now, I do know it’s harder to say this when you don’t have support. So, when you don’t want to talk about this with your friends or you don’t have a coach when you mess up or make a mistake, it’s really hard to figure out what you did wrong. So, that’s why a lot of clients work with me.
They know that as long as they do their best, that’s what matters. If something happens, if something goes wrong, they will come back to me and we will figure it out from there and we adjust. If you know you have a more difficult time of doing your best because you just literally don’t know what to do, and you’re kind of afraid you’re falling back on your own and you’re alone, then I really encourage you to think about working with me one-on-one or any other dating coach. Because as long as it gets support, that’s how you feel like you’re not alone in this and you’re just going to fail.
I hope you really take all this to heart when it comes to overthinking. Remember, you got this. All you do is try and just take that one step at a time, and once again, I’m here if you need support in anything, Hop on the free call with me, it’s free. Why not? And I really hope if you overthink, take all those strategies and implement it, and good luck. You got this. Stay present.
In any other area in life, you hire a coach to show you your blind spots and how to achieve your goals, all personalized to you. If you’re ready to finally start getting dates and real results, book a free call with me below, and let’s layout a blueprint of what to do. Find out here!