Today’s blog is about that moment when you run out of things to say. You’re on a date when you’re talking about a specific topic, but then when that topic ends, it’s just silent, and then you wonder, “Uh-oh, I don’t know what else to say here.” Well, let me help you with that.
Conversations, of course, are an extremely important part of dating. It’s how you two can grow interest in each other, get to know each other, and how you assess if a date was a good time or not. When a date is filled with silence, people feel lukewarm and unenthusiastic about the potential of a relationship. However, when you never run out of things to say and you can feel the conversation flowed for hours, you know it’s a good date! That’s why this ability to never run out of things to say is extremely crucial if you’re interested in someone. Read through this all and most importantly, practice these shifts so you’ll never feel stuck again.
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Find the Reason for Getting Stuck
The first thing I want to talk about in regard to this is, finding the reason why you get stuck. The reason for that kind of blankness that happens, and you just have no idea how to move forward. The reason for that is because you’re putting so much pressure on yourself. Pressure on doing a perfect job, pressure on getting her interested, pressure on making sure she’s taken care of, pressure on wondering what she’s thinking during this time. You’re putting all these expectations on yourself to just get it. You don’t already know what to say, and because you don’t know, you’re freaking out.
The goal is to connect
Well, first off, remember that no one’s perfect. No one is. If anything, these dates, this opportunity, if you mess up, you’re going to learn from it
All you can do is do your best and see what happens.
Instead of putting that pressure on yourself, shift your mindset and your narrative to remember to think, and remember to understand what the intent of this date is. The intent of the date is to connect.
If you just remember that during the date, repeating to yourself, the point here is to just connect with this person. Me and her, let’s see what we connect on. Not saying, “Oh, the point of this date to hopefully get a second date.” The point is, “Oh, hopefully, she’ll like me.” That’s not the point. When you do that, once again, you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. When you
remember what the intent is, which is to connect, you naturally then stay curious.
That’s the next, I guess, point that you want to remember. When you think to yourself, “Okay, how do I connect with this person? What else can we connect on? well, what am I curious about?” Those questions naturally follow after remembering your intent to connect. Then when you ask yourself, “What am I curious about?”, you’re normally then asking, “What am I curious about her? What else do I not know about her? What else can I ask about her that I haven’t asked yet.”
Normally, when you give your space to think, then you’ll come up with that question.
Pick Something You Haven’t Shared
Now, I’m also aware that’s also not an easy thing to do. I’ve had plenty of clients get stuck there. They’ll just feel like they don’t know, they’re not curious about something right now. They don’t know what question to ask. When that becomes the case, that’s when you pick something about yourself that you haven’t shared yet, and you share that with her. When you’re able to share that fact, that story, that thought, then a follow-up question of “what about you? Have you experienced that?” naturally, it’s easier to come up with.
Let’s say, for example, you’re just walking in silence in a downtown area, you see a store that brings back a childhood memory, that still connects to who you are today. You bring that up, say, “Oh, man, this reminds me like, when I was a kid, I did this, this, and this.”
Then once you’re done telling that story, you’ll flip it back to her and say, “Do you have actually anything from your childhood that still stays with you even to this day?” There you go. Normally, it’s easier at times to think of what you want to share.
Being comfortable enough
Once again, I would hope you’re comfortable sharing who you are and your qualities. If you don’t know what to ask in regard to her, just ask yourself, what piece of information or what part of me personality-wise, interest-wise have I not shared with her yet? Usually from there, if you started talking about yourself, then it’s a little easier to flip it back on her and see what her thoughts are, or if she has any similar experiences. That’s it.
The two moments people really get stuck is when a blank is just happening and you just don’t know what to say. That’s usually a big moment when people get stuck. Another moment is when they’re actually asking themselves, “What do I ask? What do I ask about her?” I’m going to go into that in another video on exactly what to ask. For now, when you don’t feel like you’re that curious about her, or you just don’t know what to say, ask yourself first what you want to share. And hey, if you share that piece of information about yourself and she doesn’t care to listen or if she doesn’t align with you, well then, now you know, that’s probably something to let go of.
I hope that answers the question for you guys. I hope it really helps you in those moments when you get really stuck. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this blog, and I hope you get to continue this conversation smoothly. Have a good one.