This topic is about what to do when she cancels on you but does not give you an alternate date? Now, you got so excited about this date. You’re really excited for this date to happen but then she sends you that text. When you read it, you totally understand her reason because things happen, life happens. She, then, wants to postpone, she may say, “Hey, can we raincheck?” But…she doesn’t give you any other dates.
So now, that leaves you confused and wondering, “Is she even interested?” Because if she’s interested, she would at least try and give me some days to work off of, right? Well, not always. So, also, later in this blog, you want to continue reading because I’m also going to be talking about when a lady also gives you vague answers of when she’s free and doesn’t give you any solid dates, because that’s really confusing as well. So, continue to read because it’s pretty much related.
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Don’t be Quick to Judge
The first thing I want to talk about is, is she interested. I will say yeah, probably still. I hope you guys know that even though it’s so quick and easy to judge someone because she did not text what you would normally text, it’s actually really common for people to do this, people in general, it doesn’t have to be someone they’re in a relationship.
It could be with friends where they text someone and say, “Hey, something came up, let’s postpone.” At that point, they don’t have their calendar in front of them. They can’t even think of the dates at that point, because they’re actually busy. Maybe, they’ll think they’ll come back to it later. You don’t know. But most of the time, people who are intentionally sending these texts are not thinking, “Okay, I’m going to tell him I want to postpone and not give him dates because I hope he is clear that I’m not interested.” No, no, that normally doesn’t happen. If she isn’t interested, she’ll make that clear or ghost you (she wouldn’t have even agreed to this date). Now, it’s her next actions that really tell you if she’s interested or not.
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Find out When They’re Free Next
There is the first thing I want you guys to do. First and probably the only big step is to make sure that when she sends you that, immediately after, ask her, “when are the next two times you’re free?” Or, “within the next two to three weeks, when are you free?” Do not, 1) glaze over what just happened. Most of my guys tend to say they understand what happened to her, and “Wow, I hope that went well for you. I’m sorry you’re so busy,” and then, they go off to texting about something else and they let the whole date planning slide. Don’t do that. 2) what most people do is, they’ll ask, “Oh, when are you free next?” Or, they’ll ask, “So are you free this Friday? How about next Thursday?”
For both of them, one, they basically give you one answer. A lot of times when you ask when are you free next, it pushes her to give you only one date. If you are not free on that date, then you have to go back again and ask her, “Oh, shoot, I’m not free that day. What about this day?” Then, that leads into what I just said, the second point, is when you give an alternative of, ” what about Thursday or Friday?” And then she goes, “Oh, shoot, I can’t because I have tutoring, piano lessons,” whichever it is, and then it goes back and forth into this really tedious ping pong match. Quite honestly, a lot of people disappear at that point because you then think, “Is this really worth it?”
That’s why I suggest being specific about it. When she gives you at least two alternative dates, you can usually find yourself free in one or the other. Or, if you’re giving her a timeframe of two to three weeks when she is free, then she actually has to look at her calendar and give you some dates, and that’s that. Normally, at that point, she does give you some date, and then you follow up later, and then you date, and then all is good.
Now, that doesn’t always happen, right? So, what if she cancels again if you do set another date? Read the last step of this blog because it’s relevant to that. Now, what if she gives you an answer that says, “Oh, I’m really busy this weekend and then the next weekend, I’m not so sure.” Vague answer, right? That doesn’t help. So, here are four steps to do when that happens to you.
Understand What’s Important to Her
Number one is you want to come from a curious point and try to understand what events she has going on. That way, you can understand what’s important to her, and also that helps you reduce the frustration you have with her. Because you get to understand if it’s friends or family, especially if they’re visiting, totally reasonable that it’s important to her. Quite honestly, at this point, you’re not a priority because you’re just getting to know each other.
So, I hope you don’t expect that you all of a sudden should be her number one. Also, that way, it allows the conversation to continue to expand later on as well. But what’s going to get a deep understanding of what these events are, that way, you can also see what’s important to her.
Let her Know You will Check-in
And then, number two, make sure you text her and let her know that you will check in with her in that time that she has pending events. So, that way, you don’t have to feel awkward or making her feel pressured if you all of a sudden and continuously keep asking her, “So, are you free? Do you have events? Is that going on?” But instead, she knows that you’re going to check-in.
So, that already gives her a bookmark in her own mind if she already knows that the event is happening, she will let you know or she just knows you’re going to check-in. So, it’s always helpful to just be aware of when someone is going to do that. That’s it. I mean, it’s normal for people to check-in.
Then, number three, you check in with her and see if she’s free. Now, if she gives you another vague answer, you’re going to go back to the previous step and do the other steps. Be curious, tell, you are going to check in with her, and then, if she once again gives you another vague answer, it’s time to send that straightforward text. So, this kind of goes back– I’m jumping everywhere, guys. Sorry. But this kind of goes back to the beginning like, if she cancels again, let’s say in the previous step.
She actually sets a date, and then, she cancels again in the last minute. This is the same thing. If she gives you vague answers continuously, it’s three strikes, you’re out. You guys, I want you to set boundaries for yourself. I feel like a lot of guys want to drag this along and don’t want to rock the boat or don’t want her to feel bad, whichever it is. But honestly, this is your relationship too, and do you want to be in a relationship with someone who keeps being flaky or just inconsistent? Sometimes, ladies don’t even know they’re doing this.
This is why it’s important to have straightforward text. In that straightforward text, what you want to have is you want to state the facts, you want to state your concerns, and then you want to open it up to her.
Be clear with your goal and intent
Making sure that also at the end, you are making clear what the goal and the intent are. The goal and the intent are just to be on the same page. Not waste each other’s time and making sure that you can even say, “I don’t want to keep bugging you about this. I do want to meet you. But I don’t want to make sure I’m bugging you in your busy times.”
With that kind of format, you can formulate texts like these below. So, you want to just state what has happened because it has happened, your own concerns, what you want, open it up to her, and just say, “Let me know. I just want to be honest, and I appreciate honest communication. Let me know what you think. We’ll take it from there,” and that’s that.
Those are the steps to follow. I know that was kind of a lot but I find it really important to make sure that you go through all those steps because you’re actually giving someone a chance. At least you can walk away knowing that you did your best. You gave her your all. And if she decides to walk away, you can say, “I tried and hey, I got a clear answer now. So, we’re all good.” Then, you just take it from there.
I’ve had plenty of clients that have told me those ladies have come around because those ladies notice, “Oh, shoot. I didn’t even realize I was doing that and really need to reevaluate how I am on dates and with people or maybe I need to step back and not date.” Either way, It’s a win-win for you, because it’s clear for you.
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