I’d like to discuss some of the things you should stop saying on dates because, well, they turn off women. That’s really what it is. Or, they let these ladies see this other side of you that is not attractive. So, a lot of these statements fall into a mindset barrier. I’ve talked about mindset many times before. And if you feel that you are struggling with any of these mindset obstacles, then please subscribe to my channel, which is linked below, I have a whole course in regards to that to help you get out of these things.
I think you know mindset is key in all of this. Having a healthy mindset is crucial to being successful in relationships. Many times, in these statements, you’re not even realizing that you’re saying these things. And because you’re saying these things, this is what it’s showing about you, and this is what’s actually happening.
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Let’s go through this. Number one is self-sabotaging. You’re really self-sabotaging when you say statements before your answer that already lose your chances and puts you down. What do I mean by that? If she asks you, “Oh, so, what has been your highlight of the week?” And you say, “Well, it’s not so exciting.” “Ah, I know it’s not really interesting, but–” Or, if she asks you, “What are your hobbies? What do you like to do for fun?” and your respond “It’s probably not the most fun thing, I’m sure everyone does it but I like hiking” Just answer.
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If she asks a question, just answer the question and let her decide if that’s a good match for her or if she decides it’s exciting or not. But by you already prepping and saying that it’s not exciting, “Hey, watch out, not so great answers coming your way,” is basically what you’re stating. And that already puts her off, because you’ve already put it into her mind, “Oh, well, this isn’t going to be great.”
Watch how you think about yourself
Before she even has a chance to even think that way, you’re already stating that. Watch for how you prep in regards to when you talk about yourself. And if you go into a story or if you talk about what you like to do, if you talk about your career, even if he says so, “Tell me what do you do for work?” And if you just start saying, “Oh, well, I know it might be typical, because there’s a lot of guys who do the same job, but–” But there’s just no need to do that. Cut out the prep.
Catch yourself when you’re doing that. It’s probably the biggest thing I see in my own clients. I’m obviously not dating them, but when they answer me and I ask, “How’s your week? How’s that been? Tell me an interesting thing.” They already started with “Well, it’s not so interesting…” and not even realize it. So, make sure to become aware of that if you are.
The second thing you should stop saying on dates is, when you’re showing negativity. Negativity, specifically, in regards to your dating journey. Look, I think we’re all aware. Anyone who has been single at any point, dating is really frustrating and it is exhausting and we are very aware of that. But you do not want to start this negative pity-party for how awful your dating journey has been. Now, it’s okay to state, “Oh, it’s been challenging. Dating has been challenging. But, hey, I’m still here, because that’s what I want in my life.” That is it. You don’t need to talk about how many dates you went on in the last year or vice versa.
Talk about how you went on zero dates this whole year, and how much you hate messaging, and how much you hate seeing these women’s profiles, or maybe you talk about the series of awful dates you’ve had and go into detail about it. No, do not do that. Not necessary. It’s like going into past relationships. You do not need to necessarily go into that.
Seek out advice
Most women will not pry for it. And if she does, that says a lot about her. But in regards to wanting to feel validated, in regards to how hard a dating journey is, talk to your friends, talk to your coach, but not on the date. And if she asks, “Well, how has your dating experience been online?” Like I said, make a statement, know and remind her what the goal is, and continue forward.
You do not want the date to show how negative you are about this whole journey, because it says a lot about you and how you talk about other people and talk about how difficult this is. So, just overall, mainly what I’m trying to say is, just don’t complain. You don’t want to be a complainer, it shows you being negative. Just stop talking about how awful it has been to date. State the truth, but then move on. So, that’s number two.
Stop Showing Low Self-Esteem
Number three. Please, please stop saying, “I don’t know.” I don’t mean “I don’t know” in regards to actually things you don’t know. I mean, it shows low self-esteem when she asks questions about you. She asks about what you like to do, about what you enjoy, about what motivates you. And you constantly state, “I don’t know. Ah, I don’t really know, I don’t know. I don’t know about that. I’m not sure.” And then it just stops. Or, similar to self-sabotaging, if you’re already putting yourself down. “Oh, I know I’m not like the other guys.
I know there’s so many other guys who are taller than me. Oh, I know, other guys probably have better hair. I know I’m not stylish. Other guys are so better at that.” Anything that puts you down, but mainly, I said “I don’t know” first, because I see this happen so many times, and guys don’t really realize they’re doing that. If it’s about you, you know. And if you actually don’t know, because no one has ever asked you that question, you can say,
“Huh, no person has ever asked me that question before. Let me think about that answer and I’ll get back to you when I can reflect on it.”
Maybe some girls will ask you questions you’ve never been asked like, “What motivates you? What drives you to do your work? What ignites you in your job?” And let’s say, no one has actually asked you that before. Yeah, it’s okay to say, “Okay, that’s different. I haven’t been asked that. I want to think about it more, though, and I’ll give you an answer,” versus, “I don’t know, I don’t know, I never really– I don’t know what really interests me. And I don’t know.
I don’t know what excites me. I think it’s more–” That just shows that you haven’t done the work to really get to know yourself and that you’re not owning who you are. And that shows, well, low self-esteem. So, make sure if you’re doing that, just cut out I don’t knows. If you actually feel like you don’t know yourself that much, that’s something to really focus on. It’s important to know who you are. That’s really important to do before you start dating.
Know who you are
So, really feel you know who you are, your character, your personality, own it, and date. But otherwise, if you know who you are, watch out for if you say, “I don’t know, I don’t know.” Watch out for that. Those are the three statements and things to stop saying on dates, because when you do that, number one, it’s a huge turnoff, and number two, it just showcases these negative parts of you.
And most of the time, my clients are great. They know who they are, they’re not as negative it seems. They just accidentally say these things because of habit. So, just make sure you catch yourself, be aware, and make the changes.
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