How you message a woman is crucial. So, today let me share this big texting mistake that I keep seeing my clients doing that basically kills a texting conversation and brings them to a dead end, where they really don’t know where else to go with the conversation or she just completely stops responding. I see this happens so often that I really wanted to hop on the video to talk about this one mistake.
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Now, I think I talk about other mistakes and strategies in other videos. So, feel free to watch that. But I felt passionate about going on the video to talk about this one mistake. If you sometimes find yourself having a hard time, keeping these conversations going, you feel you’ve reached dead ends often, or you feel she just goes, or you just don’t know what to say anymore, which I will talk about in another video if you feel uncertain what to say. But if you feel, “I really don’t know where to go from here,” and the texting was good so far, maybe it was great, but you’re like, “Well, that died fast. I just don’t the steam of– the fuel of this conversation is gone.”
Topics are being skipped.
So, this tends to happen when my clients make the mistake of skipping from topic to topic within one or two messages max. What I mean is, you will be asking about her career, she answers about her career, and you say, “That’s great. What do you like to do for fun on a Friday?” She talks about how she likes to go dancing. You talk about how you like dancing.
And then she says, “Oh, that’s awesome.” And then also, after that response, you then talk about, “Oh, I see on your profile that you also like to cook. What’s your favorite thing to cook?”And then all of a sudden, after one or two messages about her favorite dish to cook, then you talk about traveling and then you talk about where do you plan to travel next. You notice that within a day or two, you probably touched upon 10 different topics.
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Not even that’s just drastic, but even if it is five, or four different topics, skipping around, it doesn’t allow you to fully get to know her and for her to feel you are actually fully getting to know her, because every woman wants to feel like you are genuinely trying to understand who we are. You are genuinely trying to get to know who we, us, the girl, who we are.
Women appreciate being heard
I’m pretty sure it’s no new news to you that women love to be heard. They appreciate it when men are listening, but are asking the right questions as well to actually get to know her. Instead of just going through questions, just to go through them maybe, because to kill time or to just hope– you’re holding on to the texting conversation. We, women, want to actually feel like, “Oh, you’re really trying to understand us.” By you doing, that that allows you to stand out from other guys too.
Like I said, this is a very common mistake. As a single person before, I’ve seen men do the same thing. Well, they’ll ask one thing — Okay, for example, let’s say, someone asked me what I’m passionate about and I say, “I love love. I love and I worked so hard to have the career that I have now and I’m deeply passionate in it.” And then after I answered that, then he goes into, “Okay, so, how about your family? How’s your family life?” I would have felt you just missed something that is so valuable in my life.
Do not skip a topic.
Instead of skipping to the next topic, which is this example, if you were talking to me, you skipped talking about family, you missed what I just said about how I’m very passionate about love, I love love, and my career. I didn’t really go into it, but use that opportunity to expand more into that topic. Truly understand her journey in that specific topic.
When she gives an answer, take a couple of moments, two seconds, and think about, is there something more here? Even if it’s something as simple as, what did you do this past weekend? And she says, “Oh, I took a dance class.” It can seem so simple. It’s so easy for you to potentially either skip that or, “Oh, that’s cool.” Or, maybe ask the basic question, “Oh, how was it?” She’ll say, “Yeah, it’s great” and then you skip to another topic. No. Pause right there.
You can ask more about dance class, like why is she doing it? Has she always danced for a while? What kind of dance? There’s so much to every interest. You guys know that. We’ve talked about attractive traits before and such like that. We all choose what we do. We choose what we do every day, our interest, our careers, and there’s a reason why and there’s a journey, and a history behind that that you don’t know. And that’s how you get to know someone.
See the texts below, he start with asking about her go-to-activity, then expanding more about her answer (which is about dancing)
Before responding, pause and think
Just the next time you are texting and she gives a response, pause for a bit, really read what she just says and ask yourself, “Is there something more that I don’t understand here? Is there something else that I don’t know about her journey?” > “Well, yeah, I didn’t know she likes dance or does dance class. I’ll ask about that.” “Oh, I didn’t know Ruby loves love , it’s a passion. Oh, I actually don’t know why she got started in that. I wonder why.” > That’s what you ask about.
Then once you feel you’re really complete in that topic, because you connected with her on maybe how you relate to dance class or how you relate to career. Ask more about how did that begin for her. If you feel you got an understanding of it, because there’s only so far you can take a topic, of course, then that’s when you can pivot. That’s when you can pivot and ask something else that’s like, “Okay, well, that’s really awesome that you love your career so much and it seems you have a lot of goals to hit. Besides your career, what other fun adventures or personal goals do you have?” That’s that. Then you switch it. You just pivot.
For a strong connection, expand on each topic.
Once again, I cannot tell you how many times I’ve seen this through text. The skipping around – it doesn’t allow for strong connection, and it just kills the fuel of a conversation so quickly. Just remember, stop skipping topics. It’s like you’re very sporadic. You’re anxious about it. Just calm down, be present, expand on every topic she talks about, see if you understand it, understand her journey, and then switch topics. And that’s that.
If you feel you’re doing this and if you don’t know review your texting conversations, then let me know. If you have or if you still struggle with this and you can’t figure out why ladies are still ghosting you or leaving you hanging or the conversation still dies, then I invite you to chat with me and we can really dig this through and go through this further with my personal help.
In order to get to this stage, you’d need her to respond to you. And she’ll only respond to you if you sent a great first message. If you feel like you can’t get pass the first message: Learn everything you need to know how to write the first message here