Not sure what to say in your first online dating chat? I’ll cover the three online dating first messages to not send. I’m going to show them to you, and if you’re doing anything similar, I suggest to stop. We all know online dating is the way to meet singles now. It gets quite exciting when you’re online. Maybe you get matches, or you see really exciting potentials on Hinge, you send cold messages on Hinge or maybe once you get that match, you send a message, but then she doesn’t respond, and you’re wondering, “What gives? Did I do something wrong?”
“Is there no girl out there for me?”
That’s what they feared…
Good-hearted men worried, doubted and almost gave up until they’ve read this proven 5-Step Plan:
Download your free ebook here: 5-steps to Quality Dates
Click here and subscribe to my channel to get new dating advice weekly.
Finding a Pattern
In my line of work, being in this field for over a decade, quite a long time now, and seeing a lot of first messages from my clients, I have noticed that there is a pattern in the messages that my clients keep sending out.
This is a pattern between all of them. Then they come to me and realize, “Oh, okay, maybe I shouldn’t do that.” So, I want to share here the top three patterns, the type of messages that I’ve been seeing so that if you feel like you’re doing any of this on your online dating first message, then it’s best to stop.
This ebook has the ultimate plan for every good-intentioned man to find his true love, no matter the previous failures
Download your free ebook here: 5-steps to Quality Dates
Cherish this eBook: it contains more than a decade of proven wisdom from my vast experience with single men as a couples therapist, matchmaker, coach and previous eHarmony lead.
I do go over the best message to send in another video. You can click here to find out what to send to get her to respond. But, it is also as equally crucial to know why you’re losing these ladies, maybe you’re doing one of these three things.
Don’t write basic questions
Stay away from using basic questions. If you like beautiful, intelligent, fun ladies that have great profiles, you know they are getting attention. You can only imagine all the messages that they may be getting, even after they match with these guys, you can only imagine their inboxes filling up. Women don’t want to answer the same questions all the time.
When I say only basic questions, I mean you just start the chat with, “How are you? How’s your day? What do you like to do for fun? So, what’s your favorite movie? Where do you want to go next for your destination? Where do you want to travel next?” I know you may think, “Oh, we both love to travel, so I’ll ask.” The reason why I’m saying only, the word “only” basic questions is because there’s nothing in that message that says anything about you, you’re just asking a question.
Say something about yourself
This is why, small hint, in my video where I do talk about what to write, I always suggest to state something about yourself, and tell her that you relate. Show her that, “Oh, you like the same music,” so that already it rings in her head, “Oh, this is why you’re asking about it.” Because many times when women are looking through this, and they just see the messages, quite honestly, we’re just thinking you’re just trying to find something to ask, but it’s not enticing enough for us to answer because we don’t even know if you can relate.
Quite honestly, because women have already so many messages, they’re not going to open your profile and see if you relate or not. They already liked you, it’s because of your message or just looking at your profile in general, but they’re not going to look back at it after reading your question. So, stop asking those basic questions. It just makes you blend in with other guys, and we want you to stand out.
Resist sending statements. Just…statements. Statements are randomly stating your opinion (though she didn’t ask) or you talking about a random story about your friend, like this example over here:
or a random story about you, but once again, she didn’t ask. Statements that just are uninvited and don’t really encourage or promote a continuing conversation.
You hope that just because she read your statement that all of a sudden, she gets into this debate with you and says, “Oh, that’s a really cool story about your friend. How did he do?” You hope. Like I said, when ladies are already going through their inbox and they have to think about how they can answer or what they can answer, they already just don’t answer because it kind of takes too much time to figure out what she can say.
What you can ask
We really want to start a conversation. In order to start a conversation, yes, you want to ask questions. Like I said, in the first part of this, you don’t want to ask also just these basic questions just like everybody else. Once again, unless it was invited, unless the prompt on Hinge says, “Tell me the story about you,” or, “I want to hear about this about you,” then sure, you can make a statement.
Even that, I would say, once again, you want to stand out, and usually, guys go for the easier things to talk about, so guys will go for the prompts where they’re inviting them, but then that’s not good because then she sees like a bunch of people guessing what her lie is and two truths and a lie.
So, we want to stand out, guys. Once again, don’t go with statements, you want to invite her into a conversation because you don’t want her stumped on how to respond.
Resist Using Humor
So, number three, is humor. I talk about humor and using it in another video, so you can click on that link. It goes through how you can use it because it still is important, but I will say for an initial message, unless you can really 100% guarantee that anybody would understand your humor, I would say don’t use it because it doesn’t start a conversation.
Once again, she can respond, but is she going to say? “Ha, ha, ha, that’s really funny.” And then that’s it. You’re going to still go to have to ask a question anyways. What if she doesn’t get your humor at all? Then it just falls flat, and she just doesn’t get it, and then she just doesn’t respond.
Build rapport before using humor
Humor is good to use in the middle of a conversation, but not as an initial message, especially like on Hinge where you can coldly message someone. On Hinge, you don’t want to use it as a cold message unless all three of her prompts say how she’s sarcastic and you’re sarcastic, then maybe she’ll get it. Even that I would normally say, please don’t use it as an initial first message or a cold message or any of that.
You want to warm up first, build rapport, and then throw in your humor and see what she says. And, that’s it! If you’re doing any of those three, please, please, put a halt to it. I hope these samples above help you out as well to figure out how they may not work in these cases.
There are many layers to online dating, from profiles to messaging. If you’re not getting matches, quickly match with ladies within a week then get on dates a week later. Check out my whole course on that below
Check it out here