Before reading the post about what to do when you’ve been rejected so many times, I want to warn you a bit that today there’s going to be some real talk. There’s going to be tough love. Because if you know me, I don’t believe in sugarcoating. I believe in being honest and straightforward. That’s how you actually get to your results and the goal that you want.
I believe that the discomfort that you may have when you hear a bit of a real talk is where you actually start growing. I believe that when you are challenged, that’s where the transformation begins. Sit through this with me here, and know that it’s all coming from a place of care. I do what I do because I want you to actually have progress to grow, to learn, to finally found that lady, but the only way to get there is to actually push yourself to grow.
Have trouble getting dates? Download your free 5-steps to quality dates ebook below
Get your free ebook here
Get my dating secrets gathered from over a decade of being in the field (as a couples therapist, matchmaker, coach, and previous work as an eHarmony lead).
I do suggest to watch this video instead of read this blog because tone and the delivery of this answer is important 🙂
Being Rejected so many times is hurtful and hard
I’m going to be answering the question “How do you continue when you’ve been rejected so many times?” It’s hard. It’s hard when you’re being constantly rejected. Literally, every single thing you have tried, women have not given you a chance or they have disappeared on you, or they’ve friend-zoned you. Whichever it is, it gets exhausting. Sometimes, you wonder, “Is this even on the cards for me? Should I just accept that I’ll be alone forever?” That’s what I’m talking about today.
It’s not only this single question
The first thing I want to talk about is to acknowledge that usually when that question is being asked, it’s not just that single question. You don’t wonder what to do after being rejected so many times, it usually starts off with a string of other, well, complaints. Complaints about how much you have tried, how women have done this to you, why women won’t give you a chance, why women won’t see that you’re worthy and valued and loved. Then, it ends with that topic. Acknowledge, usually, when you ask that kind of question, there’s a lot to say with it.
What You’re Feeling is Normal
Another important part of recognizing the pain is knowing it’s normal to feel this way. I want to validate you that it is okay to feel what you feel. Every single person has had their own journey in dating and has felt this before. If you don’t believe me, I challenge you to think in another perspective. Every single person, and that includes ladies, have their own struggle with their journey.
Please don’t start thinking, comparing yourself, and thinking other people must have it easy. You don’t know their journey. I want to say that. You don’t know their journey. Don’t think even in that direction, quite honestly. Just think of your own journey. Recognize that you’re exhausted, you’re frustrated, you’re confused, you want to maybe give up.
Take a Break
When you come to this difficult place, feeling rejected so many times, take a break. That’s the first step that I want to talk to you about – take a break. Just like anything in life, sometimes we put ourselves in overdrive and when things just aren’t working, we get burned out, and that’s not a good place to be. When you have these sort of feelings, the first thing I want to say is, take a break. Delete all online dating apps. Don’t go to any more speed dating events or events in general to meet ladies. Stop it all and take a break for yourself. Take the time for yourself to regain your energy, and to find yourself again.
A quick note, when I say this, don’t cheat by having one dating app just on the side just in case. That really doesn’t help. You need to cold turkey it.
Take Time for Yourself
The second step is to “take time for yourself,” I don’t mean, just do whatever you normally do and just take dating out of it and continue your life because that’s the biggest mistake. I see people who just don’t do really anything about it, they just go about their normal day. Then, three or four months later, when they just feel good again, they go back to dating, but then that spiral happens all over again. It’s not healthy, because you’re not actually fixing the root of the problem.
Find The Root of the Problem
The root of the problem is you. I know, that may sound a little harsh, but it is. Take the time to really find your worth. Find your value. Completely 120% accept who you are and stop seeking approval from other people. Come to that place where you’re happy with everything that you are and finding what makes you attractive, what makes you great, what makes you unique, and realizing that any woman should be lucky to have you and not trying to almost beg for someone to love you. Being rejected so many times is part of your journey, but it does not define you.
Love Yourself and Feel Worthy
As cheesy as it sounds, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard this quote before, “You cannot love someone else until you love yourself.” You can’t. You need to love yourself. If you’re asking “what do I do when I’ve been rejected so many times?” and you’re listening to this video because it’s relevant to you, I will tell you right now, you probably don’t love yourself. You probably don’t accept yourself.
You’re almost in this place of despair and almost desperation for someone to make you feel valued and loved or if not, you’re angry. You’re angry, and everybody else is probably making you feel this way. But here’s the truth, that is your job. It’s not their job. They don’t actually have the job to make you feel that way. That’s on you to feel all these things. Feel your value! You need to feel that you are worthy and loved because you love yourself. You obviously have close family, friends who love you, too.
Stop Being Angry and Accept Yourself
Being angry at society or at people for making a choice, having the right to actually choose who they want, that’s not something to be angry about, let them have their choice. Most of you are probably listening to this, you actually don’t fully accept yourself, accept your face, accept your background, accept your race, accept your height, accept your career, whatever it is, you’re actually not accepting yourself.
The first thing, as an action step, is to completely accept yourself. If you’re not happy with certain parts of yourself, do something about it. That is what creates growth. That is what creates attraction, because quality women are attracted to men who are so confident, know who they are, have strong character, authentically themselves, and they can sense that.
Stay Away from Negativity
Women can sense your insecurities, negativity, or desperation. When they sense any sort of desperation and almost desire to please, they can hear the thoughts “please, find me worthy” or the opposite of, “whatever, you’re probably dating other guys anyways.” That kind of negativity, they can sense it, and they’re not going to be attracted to that. This is for men and women, both sides. No matter which gender you’re trying to attract. That’s not something that people want.
The ones who are attracted to that are the ones who take advantage of you. I don’t want that for you, and I don’t think you want that for yourself, either. Build yourself up, that is the key. Recognize, if you’re being angry at everybody else, and putting blame on society or women, it’s a lot of projection that’s happening. You are projecting things that are happening internally for you onto others.
Realize What You Did Wrong and Utilize Your Resources
The last thing I want to say is, once you have reached that spot of finally regaining who you are after being rejected so many times and recognizing that you do love yourself, your mindset shifts. Now, usually when you get to that point, every time someone rejects you, you no longer think of it as such a horrible thing. You think of being rejected as a challenge to grow. There’s a realization that it’s an opportunity for growth.
You then start asking yourself, “How can I make this work for me?” “What did I potentially do wrong here?” If you don’t know what you did wrong, go ask a coach. Ask me, ask somebody, maybe not ask your friends, because they’re biased, but you have resources, go use them. Go to my other video about when to give up on dating, because I talked about that and making sure that you utilize all your resources. I’m pretty sure you haven’t utilize all your resources.
You have control and power
Go take actions because if women have been disappearing on you, and women have been saying that you’re a nice guy, guess what’s the common factor? You. You have control, you have the power, you just need to empower yourself to go make change. That’s it. Start reframing your thoughts instead of thinking how things can’t work and things haven’t been working. Think about how you can make it work for yourself.
That’s where you start seeing change happen. I challenge you to reframe, after everything else I’ve just said, reframe every negative thought and question. See how you can make it work, see what you can do to change it. I guarantee you, if you really look for it, there’s something going on that you can change and something that you can improve on. That’s it.
Believe in Yourself
I know it’s a little bit of a tough read, guys, but I feel like it needed to be said, and I appreciate you for listening to all this. Once again, I hope you heard it with an open mind and open heart. Please know that I believe you can find that person. You just need to believe in yourself and you have the power to change or to create your path to finding love. You have the power to empower yourself.
It’s always been a great idea to start out your dating process by taking time to develop an appropriate dating mindset.
Learn how to gain the champ mindset! Click here to start!