I am talking about 4 date conversation mistakes that women really hate. They do. These are usually built into the way you talk. I call them actually conversation habits that are not good for your dating journey. I have taken these conversation habits from my own experience with my own clients. These are probably the biggest habits they have that really kill their chances on dates. We have to really work through and practice for them to overcome these habits.
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I like to use the word ‘habits’ because a lot of times, my guys have been so used to doing this, that they think it’s really cool and really normal, and they don’t even realize that that is a reason why women are decided to ghost or reject them. If you have or you’re guilty of any of these conversation mistakes or habits, know that it takes time, but you have to be committed to wanting to get out of this habit.
You have to stay consistent in doing that, or else it’s just not going to go anywhere. It’s not helpful to just read this topic and know, “Oh, yeah, that’s cool. That’s great. I don’t think I do that.” Listen to yourself. Once you are done reading this blog, look at your own self, and how your conversations are, how you talk about yourself, and really self-reflect.
If you recognize you do any of these, it’s time to change. I’m going to list them out, and within it, I’m also going to try to help you practice some reframing if you make any of these statements. They’re normally statements that are within the conversation that you don’t realize once again. All right, let’s go through them.
1. Showing Indecisiveness or Uncertainty
Any indecisiveness, or uncertainty when it comes to you is not attractive. This is usually shown through the statement of I don’t know – “I don’t know. I don’t know, whatever. It’s fine. No, I’m not sure.” Any of those. It’s okay if you actually don’t know when it comes to certain facts. If she asked about, “Do you know what causes the root of ___?” That’s just a random fact. If you don’t know, you don’t know. But nothing turns away a woman more than a man who doesn’t know what he wants and who he is.
If you don’t want it, say so. If you’re unsure, tell why you’re unsure. Maybe it’s because you love French food, and you love pizza. They have such great things going on for them, that’s why you’re uncertain and unsure which one you would pick so you want to give her the decision. That’s fine. But when you’re just nonchalant, and not caring, and you can’t make a decision, women are really turned away by that.
Specifically, if she asked us a question about you, such as, “So, why did you choose your career?” You start the statement with, “I don’t know. I think it’s because it makes good money. I don’t know.” Recognize if you add these “I-don’t-knows”, it’s time to cut that out.
By already saying that, she’s already getting the visual that you’re really uncertain of yourself, you don’t really know your journey and why you do what you do. It’s not a good look. Just cut those out. If you just said, “It’s because it makes good money,” that’s fine. There’s no need to say I-don’t-knows around it.
Reframe to I Know
For my clients, when they say I don’t know is what I challenged them to do is to reframe that to I know. The moment you ask yourself or no ask yourself, but the moment you tell yourself, I know, it already opens your mind up to actually finding the answer. For my clients, for a second, they can’t really figure out the answer, they will say, “Wait, I know. Just give me a second to think.” That’s it.
That’s all you have to do. Because once you say, “I know,” it literally gives you space in your mind to figure it out. But when you say, “I don’t know,” it slams you into a wall and you’re just saying, “I don’t know.” Then, that’s it. Then, it ends there. Making sure that you know, make decisions know yourself. That’s number one. That’s probably one of the biggest things I see. Women, quality ladies, want a man who knows himself.
2. Do Not Be Negative
Number two is negativity. I’m pretty sure this doesn’t come as a surprise to you guys when I say this, But it’s really common for me to see guys be negative, and they’re not even realizing that they’re being negative. This is usually towards other people. When you say in a restaurant, “Wow, food is so slow, that’s really annoying.” Or, you’re commenting on the people around, you are like, “Look at that person. That’s weird. That’s odd,” or “Yeah, I don’t know. I just have a feeling. I don’t really have faith in the human race about these things.”
When you just start being negative about everything around you, guys, how is that attractive? How? What I will say is, if you are being negative in that way in so many layers, even with dating, that’s probably the biggest thing I see. I see a lot of people being negative about, “Well, my dating sucks anyway.” “All the women on there seem like fakes,” and they share that with their actual date…that means there’s something deeper rooted to process and heal for you.
Please look at that, and please, really process that through and let it go. That’s really the best way to overcome negativity. Also, to catch yourself before you say it, and just not say it. You’ve heard the quote, “If you have nothing nice to say, just don’t say it.”
3. Do Not Self-Sabotage or Put Yourself Down
Number three is self-sabotaging or putting yourself down. This is a popular one. It is very easy from my clients I’ve seen to put themselves down. If some girl were to ask, “What did you do this weekend?” They make the starting statement of, “Oh, there’s nothing really exciting really, but… I did this and this,” why did you have to make that statement? Just say what you did.
You don’t need to say, “Oh, it’s not that exciting,” or “I don’t think I’m that great anyway,” or “Not that great of a job. It’s easy.” Don’t do that to yourself, guys. Don’t do it. Just say it for what it is, answer the question, but there’s no need to already say, “Oh, it’s not that great.” Please catch yourself when you do that. When you answer a question, just recognize you just want to answer the question, and then keep it as it is.
If you accidentally let it slip out and say, “Oh, yeah, but I don’t think it’s that great. Oh, shoot, I didn’t mean to say that. I didn’t mean to say that. Sometimes, I can be a little self-deprecating.” Acknowledge it, that’s fine. Own it. But if you keep saying those things, women will really see that you have low self-esteem. If you really do, that’s something also to work on. That’s a more deeper-seated matter. So, make sure to process and work on that.
4. Avoid Conversation Enders
All right, last but not least, number four. Conversation enders. What do I mean by that? When you don’t expand on a conversation at all, and you can’t carry the conversation, especially when she’s talking about something that is important to her. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve seen ladies actually share a teaser of a story with a guy about their career, about what they’re passionate about, about their family. The guy doesn’t follow up at all. He doesn’t even acknowledge what she just said. Most men will change topics and end that topic.
It’s important to practice carrying the conversation, asking follow-ups, acknowledging it, and not shutting down, and just trying to get the date to the next topic. If you have an issue with that, I do have other videos about conversation tips, and how to continue that conversation. So, please watch those videos. But I will say if you already know that you have a hard time continuing a conversation, there are definitely videos and products for that.
Back to that mistake, that is a very big conversation mistake and death, because if she already feels you’re not listening to her, and you can’t carry a conversation, then what is the point of dating? How do you actually get to know each other if you’re not actually expanding?
So, those are the four conversation mistakes and habits that I hope if you saw yourself in any of that, that you really look within and ask yourself, how do I start getting out of this habit? If you read this all, thank you so much. I really appreciate it.
I hope you learn a thing or two from this, and more importantly to take action, and start executing and practicing to get all these habits. Like I said before, this is not something that can be helped overnight, but it will help if you just start practicing, because practicing makes progress. So go out there and continue to have good conversations. Thank you so much for taking your time to learn the conversation mistakes that turn off women.
Most of these conversation habits stem from an unhealthy mindset. I go over exactly how to overcome self-sabotage, negativity, overthinking, and more in my full course that will take you from uncertain to confident. Learn more below
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