I want to answer a very very popular question that I get a lot…. “How do you date when you’ve had very little experience?” or “How will my lack of experience in dating affect my chances?” — a little hint, the problem is not the little experience. Let’s talk about dating with little experience and how you can still attract ladies.
“Is there no girl out there for me?”
That’s what they feared…
Good-hearted men worried, doubted and almost gave up until they’ve read this proven 5-Step Plan:
Download your free ebook here: 5-steps to Quality Dates
I want to first clarify that little experience could be anything like one relationship in high school, that maybe lasted or didn’t even last that long. Maybe you’ve had dates here and there but they’re very sporadic. Or, maybe you haven’t had dates at all at your age. It’s considered a “lack of experience” because there’s an expectation society has given us that by a certain time in our lives, we have to at least had a couple serious relationships. Or, at least have dated multiple people. Let’s be honest about this…
Do women want someone with little experience?
Because of the expectation society has provided, it’s easy to think that the lack of experience in dating is unattractive. Not only do you feel confused on what to do, which you fear women pick up, but the fact itself may make them reject you. Let me tell you the truth about this:
Lack of experience is a mindset
Society may have provided this expectation, but the negativity of the fact that you have a lack of experience is in your mindset. Checking in on your own mindset with this is key because women are only worried if you’re worried. They’re only concerned on how you date with little experience if you are concerned. If you feel the lack of experience is a weakness of yours and you believe it’s an actual problem, the woman will believe it is a problem.
Many times, you don’t even have to say it’s a problem, women can feel it. When you start talking about your past relationships (or lack of past relationships), they can tell if you feel very insecure about it, worried that she may reject you because of it, and can see if you’re trying to resist that conversation. That behavior really shows to a woman the unstable points of your character and that is the concern.
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Cherish this eBook: it contains more than a decade of proven wisdom from my vast experience with single men as a couples therapist, matchmaker, coach and previous eHarmony lead.
Accepting it is a fact about yourself
First thing that I want for you to really focus on is your own mindset towards this fact about yourself because let’s face it — that is a truth. The truth is is that you haven’t had much experience. Why is that such a bad thing? Not having much experience doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be a good partner. It doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t be a good boyfriend, right? It doesn’t mean that you don’t know yourself.
You’re self-aware at least to some point of who you are, your characteristics, and your personality. So accepting this fact about yourself and it’s apart of your journey so far is crucial. Then, recognizing that it’s not a bad thing. At the end of the day, we really only have conversations about the past once in awhile, but what relationships really thrive off of is the present. It’s about how you understand each other, how you move forward, and how you grow.
In conclusion, the first thing is checking in with yourself on how you view yourself as someone who is dating with little experience. It’s really about accepting that this is apart of who you are and you shouldn’t be ashamed about it.
How you talk about your little experience
Next, it’s about feeling good and comfortable about being able to talk about your reasons for not having that much experience in dating. It’s about being proud of what that journey has been and what that journey is now. It’s about being able to confidently talk about:
- Why you haven’t had much experience
- What you’re doing now
These are two important points to reflect on because even if a woman is concerned, she can’t continue to be if you already have figured it out for yourself. It’s okay to say:
Yeah, honestly, I haven’t had a girlfriend yet because I really haven’t found that right person. I’ve tried but for whatever reason, it just didn’t click. And, I’ve been focused on my career and my studies my whole life.
And then, it’s about the second part: talking about what you’re doing now and your plans.
Honestly, finding the right relationship is very important for me, but I didn’t put enough time and effort into it. And, you know, now I am now….that’s why I’m here dating you. I’m putting myself out there and doing my best to navigate the best I can.
There’s no harm in being honest with your reason. You don’t have to twiddle your thumbs, fumble on your words, because you wonder if it’s a “good enough” reason. The moment you stutter with “oh ….it’s just because, you know, I was like never given the chance….” If you’re saying something like that, you’re already looking down on yourself. And if you’re already doing that, it’s not going to look so great to the woman.
Having confidence in the explanation
Make sure you are confident in viewing your own situation and how you talk about it.
It’s important to be open to talking about your why, feeling certain about who you are, what you have learned so far, and where you will go. Is a woman really concerned about with the fact that you have little experience? No, it’s only a concern if you don’t seem to know who you are. A woman also wants to know you’re willing to go after what you want. When she asks you “why the lack of experience in dating?” or “how do you date with little experience?” — just give it to her straight by starting with “Look, this is why….and right now, that’s why I’m really trying to push myself out there” And more importantly, adding on how you’ve grown and what you’ve learned:
I feel like I know who I am now because of all my years of focusing on myself, on my career, and my family. I’m ready to add that person in my life. That’s it.
Being comfortable with how you talk about it is crucial. No more of the insecure energy, because women can feel if you’re insecure about it. They can feel it. So feel proud of it and don’t be afraid to talk about it and don’t be afraid to talk about your reasons why.
Start getting experience
If you’ve had years of dating with little experience, it’s time to start getting experience! I’m assuming that’s probably why you’re reading this 🙂 You’re obviously trying to learn, you’re trying to get some sort of guidance to help you in dating, but…you have to start somewhere, push yourself out of the comfort zone. Don’t just sit there, read this, have the thoughts, understand it, but do nothing about it.
Go! Try online dating. If it’s not working for you, what else can you do? Try to change it up by learning more about it through my online dating profile transformation. And if that still doesn’t work, maybe you do need the personal feedback.
Ask yourself, What else can I do to get experience? Because you just don’t know what you don’t know. And quite honestly, that’s why a lot of my clients work with me. Because they want to know. Plus, they know that having someone by their side, not being alone in it, and having me tell them directly what they’re doing wrong,
As long as you don’t sit by yourself, reading, listening, and learning for hours and hours…then, years and years…and you get nowhere. Try meetup.com, get yourself out of your comfort zone, and try!
When you date with little experience, the first step forward is to get out of that door and do something different. Start growing, start learning, start challenging yourself, but start feeling good about yourself too because that’s what this all comes down to.
Once again, it’s not a worry unless you make it a worry. It’s not a concern, unless you make it a concern. Accept that this is part of your journey so far, but it’s not going to continue to be.
Have a hard time with not feeling insecure? Still struggling with low confidence? Check out my “champ mindset” video below where I teach the one and only powerful tool to start getting dates and stop the self-sabotage.
Learn more here