Do you have that moment where you are just so exhausted and a bit annoyed with dating? Online dating, offline dating, but I recognize when people come to me with this complaint, it’s mostly online. Because you’re on these apps, you’re swiping by, you message, Seems great, you go on a date. Doesn’t work. You do it again. Swipe, swipe, message, no date, swipe, message, another date. Doesn’t work again. It’s just this continuous, almost exhausting cycle where you either don’t become interested in them or when you’re interested in them, she just disappears, or you thought she was interested, and then, all of a sudden, she’s not, and says she’s not ready to date.
Then, you just wonder, “How long do I have to keep up with this insanity?” It could be months, it could be years, but then, you just get so exhausted and you wonder, “Is this even worth it all? Does online dating even work it? Does any of this even work?” That’s when the spiral of confusion and questions start. Let me give you a little bit of pep talk. Hopefully, it is.
“Is there no girl out there for me?”
That’s what they feared…
Good-hearted men worried, doubted and almost gave up until they’ve read this proven 5-Step Plan:
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Online Romances Exist.
The first thing is, to make sure when you start to spiral with those kinds of questions and wondering if any of this works, just remember the truth here. The truth here is, there are people in relationships, and there are people meeting others from online dating and getting into relationships through online dating. Do not start to spiral on if anything actually works, because reality is, people are in love out there, people are in relationships, and if you have friends in relationships, you know they started somewhere.
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Cherish this eBook: it contains more than a decade of proven wisdom from my vast experience with single men as a couples therapist, matchmaker, coach and previous eHarmony lead.
Most of my friends are in relationships through online dating, including I. So, you can’t necessarily say, “Does it work?” A better question is, “How do I make it work for me?” Then, that’s where the second step comes in. First is managing the questions that you’re asking yourself. When in reality, you’re asking it because it’s a reaction of the feelings that you’re having. But it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the absolute truth. Remember that these things work. It’s just about making it work for yourself and that goes into number two.
Have You Sought Guidance?
If you feel that you’re so exhausted and frustrated, I ask you – – Have you sought guidance or are you just listening to free stuff online, blogs, and YouTube? Because most people seek support in any area of their life, it doesn’t have to be dating — it could be business, mindset, or fitness. If they don’t know what’s going wrong or what’s not working, they ask for help.
Have you actually asked for help? If you have, let’s say, you have worked with me. We went through literally every layer of your dating journey. Then, comes the third. I tell this to any client who leaves my program. Because at the end of the day, I don’t know when the right girl is going to come by. I can never guarantee you a girlfriend because I don’t know if she’s on apps right now or if she’s going to join the apps to three months from now.
But what I can do is I prepare my clients to make sure they can take on that opportunity when she does come by. I call it the dating funnel. So, you learn all the layers, you feel confident that everything looks good, you know what to do, and you just keep going until you find the right person.
You Can Never Know the Timing
The reality of dating is, once you feel you have everything lined up nicely, you have your mindset that’s healthy, you’re taking care of yourself, and you ask for guidance, so you know everything that I can help you with because we’ve worked one on one…all it is now is hoping that that person comes through the door.
Unfortunately, we don’t know the timing of that. Because the reality of dating, if you really think about it, is we’re looking for one person that will be with us for the long term. Do you know how many factors are involved in that? It’s finding that person who likes you at the same level, who finds you attractive, and you find her attractive, and there’s that chemistry that you both naturally, mutually have. It’s hard to find, and it’s not supposed to be easy, because everybody would be in relationships after two matches. People also aren’t willing to settle. And that’s great! You have the right be selective.
When my clients complain, about why they can’t get a girlfriend or why they can’t get dates, they are saying no and rejecting women too. So, when you get mad that women are rejecting you, because you’re not their type, you’re saying no to them as well. Those girls over there wondering, “Why can’t these guys like me?”
You are Allowed to Be Selective
The reality of his dating journey is recognizing that you are allowed to be selective. We all are. I hope you don’t settle because I don’t want anybody to settle. I think love is such a strong force and such an important part of your life. Take the time. But as long as you know and you feel confident in all the layers that dating has, just remember your why.
Why are you doing this? Why do you want love? And like any goal, we keep moving forward in hopes that that person will come to the door. I’ve had clients that leave my program and get a girlfriend in two weeks, or find one in two years, but they didn’t give up. They take a break here and there.
Remember, guys, it’s important to take a break, don’t burn yourself out. They’ll take a break, but they’ll get right back on the horse, continue everything that they’ve learned, and eventually, I get that text or they’ll tell me, “Ruby, we moved in together, I’m really happy now,” because they’ve believed, and they’re confident, and they continue.
Don’t rush things out
But once again, we cannot rush this. You can’t rush this process and all of a sudden think, “I want a girlfriend right now”. But all you can do is do your best at this moment and recognize that it could take time. But you’d rather take the time to find that right person than just settle and just hope for anybody that likes you because then you’re going to be even more unhappy down the road.
I’ve always said it’s better to be by yourself and alone but feel good in who you are and confident in who you are than be in a relationship with the wrong person. That’s not good and that just creates more sadness or more pain in your life in the long run.
Recognize that. I know the dating journey is tough, but keep going. Just remember why you’re doing this, and that’s what’s going to pick you back up each time. As I’ve always said, no one ever said finding love is going to be easy, but it’s always worth it.
Please know, it’s never too late. I’ve helped someone as old as 92 years old. Whatever age you’re at, know that this is your dating journey. It’s never too late for you to keep going. I hope that helped.
It is really hard to deal with dating fatigue especially if you don’t know what you’re doing wrong. To stop the vicious cycle of dating fatigue:
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