I’m answering a question that I’ve seen a lot, even before I entered into this dating industry. I’ve seen it around in my groups, and in my Ask forum as well. So, I’m deciding to answer it today. And that is, “How do you get the girl to like me?”
“Is there no girl out there for me?”
That’s what they feared…
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How Do You Get a Girl to Get a Crush on You?
The short and simple answer is…be prepared — I hope this isn’t too harsh that’ll it make you want to leave this page, I hope you finish reading this. But the short and simple answer is, you don’t. You can’t get her to like you. That is the wrong question to ask, because when you’re coming from that place of asking, “How do I get her to like me?” There are several things happening there. One is that you can’t force someone to feel a certain way.
With that kind of question, you’re basically saying, “How do I manipulate the situation to get her to feel a certain way?” In any aspect of life, it doesn’t have to be relationships, with friends with your parents, I’m pretty sure you know, that’s just not the healthiest way to go. The reason why is because you don’t want to feel like you made someone feel a certain way because then, they’re going to resent you.
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The Pitfalls of Changing Yourself for Others
Another part of that as well is, if you had to make someone feel a certain way, that means that you’re basically asking, “How do I change myself?” “How do I mold myself to get you to feel the way I want you to feel?” That may work or feel good, temporarily, but in the long run, it’s not going to help you because you’re not yourself. You are becoming this person to feel this kind of happiness for the short term, which you think is long-term happiness.
But trust me when I say if anyone has had to mold or change themselves for someone, resentment is going to build. You are not going to be happy in the long run, you’re going to realize, “This is not me. What am I doing?” The thing is that kind of behavior just continues in a relationship, then she is not going to appreciate you because you acted a certain way in the beginning, but now you’re changing years later. Overall, what I’m saying is, it just leads to a more toxic relationship, and you don’t want that.
Shifting Mindsets: From ‘How Do I Get Her to Like Me?’ to ‘Am I My Best Self?
Making sure that the question you’re asking is shifted, because when you’re asking how do I get the girl to like you, one, that’s also putting a lot of pressure on yourself and expectations, to act a certain way to get a certain goal, to get a certain result. When you don’t get that result, it just gets worse, you feel worse about yourself, you feel so low.
So, the first thing is to start shifting that kind of question. It’s not about how do I get the girl to like me, it’s about several mindset shifts here. The first shift to make if you’re asking this question, is to ask yourself, “Am I my best self?” That’s first and foremost, because normally if people are asking this question, you’re coming from a place where you’re not owning who you are, you’re not accepting and approving, and are confident in yourself, knowing that this is your best self. It usually comes from a place of almost desperation, almost feeling victimized, and poor me, anybody like me.
That’s just not a healthy place to be in. I don’t want you to have to shift and mold for someone else. I want you to be yourself and own it. So, the first thing is asking yourself, “Am I even my best self?” If you’re not, then go work on yourself. Find that confidence, and that’s another topic. The first thing to shift is asking, “Am I my best self?” “Do I feel good?”
Shifting Intentions: From ‘Getting Her to Like You’ to ‘Connecting Authentically’
Then, it’s about asking, “Do I like her?” Or, “Do I like her for everything that she is? Do I see all her qualities, not just physical attraction?” “Would she be really compatible with me?” And if the answer is yes, then you shift to the right intent here. The intent is not to get her to like you. When you are talking to a girl or you’re on a date if you already start thinking, “How do I get the second day?” “How do I get her to like me?” Once again, you’re putting these really high expectations on yourself that only potentially set you up for disappointment.
What you want to do is want to ask yourself, “Okay, how do I connect with her here? How do I really connect with her, show her interest, and see if something flows? Let’s see if I’m her type. Let’s see if she likes me.” That’s all dating is. You’re just going to put your best self forward, and then see if you guys have that kind of chemistry and that connection. If you’re her type, that’s up to her, but she can only see that if you show up as yourself, and you take it from there.
Embrace Your Best Self: The Key to Healthy Connection
The most important question actually is, do you want to ask yourself, “Am I just doing my best?” That’s all you can do. “Am I doing my best in this situation?”. If you feel you’re not, this is why people watch YouTube videos, they’ll learn from it if they feel they made a mistake, but that’s all you can do. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself, hoping and thinking, “I hope she likes me.” “I hope I get a second day.” “I hope I get her number,” all that kind of intent just makes things more anxious for you.
Recapping, the way you shift that question, is by remembering to ask yourself, “Am I even my best self right now?” Making sure you feel good in the place you’re at, you feel authentic and yourself, you feel confident yourself, you know why ladies would like you.
That way you don’t mold and change for anybody. Then, you want to remember the intent. The intent is just to connect with the girl, and show interest that you like her. See if she does too because that’s where a healthy relationship develops. Then, last but not least, you ask yourself, “Am I doing my best here? With the flirting, with talking to her, with the date? Am I doing my best?” And that’s all you can do.
I hope at least those steps, help start shifting you away from that kind of question. I hope it brings you more peace, confidence, and potential dates.
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