How to stop thinking about a girl you like? I know how hard it is…but I’m answering this question. This situation could be about a girl that you’ve already dated or maybe you’re in a relationship with, and you broke up, and you miss her. It could be someone you’re currently dating and you’re really excited about her, but you realize you can’t stop thinking about her.
You’re wondering, “Why hasn’t she texted you back yet?” You’re wondering when can you see her next. You realize that kind of thinking is not putting you in a good place. The same thing as if this situation is, if you have a crush on someone, maybe it’s a colleague, a friend. You haven’t asked her out yet, but you’re realizing harping on all these thoughts are really putting you in a bad place. So, overall, you’re just wondering, “How do I stop thinking about her, because I want these kinds of crazy thoughts to stop?”
“Is there no girl out there for me?”
That’s what they feared…
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Practice meditation and mindfulness
So, how do you stop thinking about her? I’m going, to be honest, you can’t. You guys, we’re humans. We have a brain. We can’t stop our thoughts, we just can’t all of a sudden stop thinking. If you think about it, this is why meditation can feel very difficult for many people. And there’s a misconception of meditating. Many people think that meditation means you have to practice not thinking about anything.
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That you’re practicing no thoughts, but that’s not true. That is not true at all. Meditation and mindfulness is about being present and practicing being absolutely present by only observing what’s around you, what you feel, what you hear, what you see.
That also means acknowledging a thought that comes into your mind in that present moment. That is what meditation and practicing mindfulness is. It’s not about stopping your mind. It’s about being present. So, that’s the first thing I want to share to you guys. I want you to stop that narrative and that desire to stop thinking because that’s not going to happen.
Manage your thoughts about her
Now I want you to transform that term to, how do I manage? How do I manage these thoughts about her? How do I manage my thinking of her constantly? That’s doable. Just like anything else in regard to mental health, like anxiety or depression, it’s not about getting rid of it. It’s about how we manage it in our day-to-day lives, so we can still do what we want without feeling hindered by our thoughts.
That’s what this really about. So, now with that new mindset of how to manage it, now you’re probably wondering to me, “Okay, Ruby, how do I manage these thoughts?” Well, there’s really two big action points to this. I always like keeping things as simple as possible not to overwhelm you guys, and also to really practice just doing these one-step-at-a-time kind of action steps for you, instead of listing out all these things you could do. The first thing is what I mentioned before.
Find a mindfulness practice
Find your own mindfulness practice. It could be journaling, it could be meditating, it could be running. When you’re running, you’re really solely focused on the run itself. Find a mindfulness practice. Find a grounding practice. A grounding practice is simply a behavior you do to snap yourself back into the present moment.
It could be something as simple as snapping a rubber band on your wrist so that you can just come back to the present moment. It’s like when you’re pinched. When you’re pinched, all you do is think about that. So, maybe it’s a grounding practice that you need. If you start to spiral and you start to overthink, use your grounding practice.
A lot of my clients have different grounding practices that work for them that don’t feel weird, but that they’ll also remember to do. So, figure out some sort of way to practice mindfulness meditation or get a grounding practice, because that’s what helps control and manage your mind when it starts to spiral out.
The second step is, take action. Take action. We feel empowered when we know what’s the next step and I’m going to take that next step. So, it’s really talking about two things. It’s, what is it? What’s the next step you can do and then taking that action. Now, every scenario is a little different about what you want. So, if you’re trying to let go of a past relationship, then it’s really asking yourself, “Okay, well, what do you want?” Let’s say that answer is You do want to let this go.
If it’s already a done relationship, I don’t think it’s healthy to go back and hope she takes you back. I’m not sure where the situation is, but it’s important to now find a practice to let go. Go to therapy to talk about it, maybe to overcome all of this, so that you have closure. You don’t need someone else to give you closure. Find closure yourself.
Go get what you want
If it’s someone that you’re texting and you’re really wanting to go on a date with her but she hasn’t responded, but you’re unsure what to do and you’re thinking about it a lot, well, take the next step to get to where you want. Wait a day for her to respond. If she doesn’t respond, what are you going to do? You’re just going to check in with her. That’s it. Stop there. That’s your action step.
Or, let’s say you have a crush on somebody. What do you want to do? You eventually want to ask her out. Do you feel comfortable asking her out now? Maybe not. Okay. So, the first step is that you build rapport with her. See her at the coffee area at your workplace and just start asking her, “How’s your day? How was your weekend,” and build rapport.
If you have that rapport, ask her out. I know that’s scary, but that’s really the only way to manage your thoughts because at this point, it’s really only because you feel you don’t know what to do. You don’t really have control, you don’t feel empowered. So, it’s really important to have action steps for yourself and then go do it.
If you still feel it’s really difficult for you to take these action steps, there are more mindset obstacles that are happening. I have a mindset course that will help you gain the mindset to date successfully. I hope you take some action steps to get yourself to feel more present and more empowered.
It’s hard not to think about the girl you’ve been talking to or going out with. However, it’s not good for you to keep thinking about her, for whatever reason, and I’m not trying to make you feel bad about your feelings. Let me help you figure out how to do it if you are having trouble.
Learn more here and get past any and all internal obstacles.