How to to keep the conversation going (even if you’re shy)

When it comes to having conversations with another person, many people shut down quickly. Especially when they’re more on the shy or awkward side, they feel a huge wall spring up that doesn’t allow them to keep a conversation going. Why is it so difficult to continue a conversation? And how do you keep it going, never running out of things to say? I answer all of that below. 

These are the two main reasons it’s difficult to keep a conversation:

“I don’t know” 

There’s a blank that is drawn because you don’t know what to say about yourself, how to ask a question (and is it even the right question to ask?), and how to transition smoothly from one topic to another. 

You’re aware that to keep a conversation going, it’s about the in-betweens of what you say, it’s about the bridge you build from one topic to hopefully connect to exchange numbers, but you simply don’t know how to do that. They didn’t teach this in school! Being taught how to be on a job interview is very different than how to talk to your crush. 

“What do I talk about next?” 

Sometimes, it’s not the lack of options to continue the conversation. It’s knowing there are many directions to take the conversation so you experience analysis paralysis. You end up doing nothing because you overanalyzed the situation, seeing the web of options, and you can’t pick. 

This is more likely for those who are shy because you also start to worry about what the other person may think so your mind runs a bit wild.

To resolve and help you get out of both the barriers above, you need focus and clarity. 

Learning where to focus in your conversation will help you easily direct it as need be 

Two steps to keeping a conversation

What that said, let’s be the clear on the two factors (that’s right, just two) that keep a conversation going. If you remember these two, and only focus on these two, your mind will smoothly find its way. 

Connection

First, it’s important to be clear on the goal of a conversation. 

No, it’s not to get the number. No, it’s not to get her to like you. Those expectations will only heighten the pressure for yourself, sending you to shut down quicker. And if you are only focused on that, you’re actually losing out on the girl because you’re focused on the endgame more than her. 

So what is the goal? The goal is to connect. 

When you’re talking, observe where you two connect. That connection is what will build continuous conversations, forever. You will always fall back to what connected you two in the first place and you’ll constantly talk about what connects both of you. 

Connection is one of the factors that keep a conversation going, and it’s an extremely important one. So, the next time you start a conversation or go on a date, focus on finding where you two connect. 

A big assist in finding your connection is setting up the best date to allow that ease in connection.

Curiosity

The second factor to keep a conversation going is curiosity. The genuine wonder of what that person is thinking, who that person is, and learning more about them is one of the keys to not only conversations, but attraction. 

Think about the last person you were interested in, weren’t you curious about her? So curious that you keep wanting to spend time with her. 

The focus here is you want to allow her to be curious about you. What kills most men, making it impossible for this to happen, is they’re too afraid to talk about themselves. They fear sounding cocky or self-absorbed….but then, she sees it as lack of confidence and self awareness. 

But, If you don’t talk about yourself, how can she be interested in you without knowing much about you?

It’s important to practicing overcoming your shyness so that you can get comfortable talking about yourself. Being shy is something you can learn to overcome and it’s important to do so for a genuine relationship to start.

Now, how do you talk about yourself without being cocky? How do you allow her to be curious? 

How do you figure out what you two connect? What are connections anyways? Same interests, childhood pasts, activities? 

I answer all of that, giving you the exact questions to ask to find where you two connect and exact prompts of how to draw curiosity without coming off as self-absorbed in my Keeping a Conversation Formula product. 

In the video and ebook, I go into the details of how to execute these two factors to keep the conversations going.