Who else is here because social anxiety and awkwardness stop them from dating? Ever felt like your introverted or shyness got in the way? Let’s just say, you are not alone and you’ve come to the right place to help start your journey.
I’ve come across numerous people, including myself in the past, who struggle to date because they are “too shy,” reserved, or introverted. Before I go into the key to help you get over your shyness, let’s talk about the difference between being shy and being introverted.
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Shy or Introverted?
One of the common misconceptions that I see is that people assume that being shy and introverted are interchangeable. That’s not the case. Another misconception is that being shy is a weakness, but it is definitely not! Knowing the difference between these two characteristics can be a game-changer.
First, let’s start by defining what it means to be an introvert. Introversion is a personality trait identified in many theories of personality. Introverts are people that recharge their energy by spending time being alone, they feel more comfortable focusing on their inner thoughts and ideas rather than what is happening externally and enjoys time being in small settings. They enjoy meaningful and deep conversations rather than small talk. This is not a weakness; it’s simply who you are, it’s part of your personality.
I’ve always categorized myself as a “social introvert” because even though I have the qualities of a classic introvert, I do enjoy having meaningful conversations.
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Put me in a group filled with people I don’t know? I will crawl into my shell and get exhausted.
Does being introverted a quality you align with?
Being an introvert is NOT what makes dating and socializing hard for you…
However, Shyness can.
Unlike being introverted, being shy is like a skill, it can be sharpened and changed. Shyness is also not a weakness. However, if it gets to a point where it stops you from dating because you can’t get yourself to talk, then you’re in the perfect spot to learn how to get out of it. Like any other skill, such as preparing for a job interview, shyness can be addressed.
When it comes to interviewing for a job, there is preparation involved, and a need to get out of your shell to be uncomfortable in a skill that can be mastered. Dating is similar! In order to get a date, you need to push yourself out of your comfort zone and sharpen certain skills to put your best foot forward.
Before getting into the practical way to prepare yourself, one thing you have to address is the core of shyness. For most people, it’s the fear and concern of what others think that hinder the behavior and thoughts. It may be traumatic experiences from the past or the uncertainties of the future. It’s important to be aware of the root of your actions, and once you can accept that — you put all that aside and think of the now.
Grounding: Practice to overcome shyness
If you think about it, the only time we stop in our tracks and sike ourselves out of doing something we originally wanted to do is because we’re not in the present moment.
We think of the future or the past
The possible, horrible, outcomes that could come out of this situation
Or, the possible outcomes because of your past.
It takes you out of the now and unfortunately, stops you from acting in the now
One practical way to prevent one from drifting off into the past or future times is by grounding, which is to live in the present moment or to focus on the NOW. It helps clear your mind, recharge your energy, strengthen your instincts, and most importantly — calms your emotions.
The concept of grounding is the same for all, but the method may look different for everyone. One way to focus on the now may be an actual physical reminder. For example, having a good luck bracelet that you touch, a trinket that you symbolize to bring you to the present or just any other physical touch maybe your method.
Or, the most effective technique, you can focus and ground your body.
By centering yourself and connecting your body to the earth or yourself, it eases the physical symptoms shyness may do to you (like heavy breathing, fast heart pacing, etc).
Here are some techniques:
- Cover your crown – putting your palm to your forehead with a slight press
- Feel your Feet – Shuffling your feet and connecting to the ground
- Take breaths – taking deep breathes lasting 10 seconds each
- Touching – pick up or touch anything around you, feel the texture and focus on the color of the items.
- Listen – Listen to the noises around you. Do you hear someone talking, a car passing by, traffic? Let the sound remind you of where you are.
- Visualizing – if you like nature, for example, think about scenery where people taking pictures, giggling, and laughing while walking and enjoying the scenery.
- Practice self-kindness – say something loud and repeat kind compassionate words in your head as many times as possible.
I go over exactly how to execute these practices, along with my own grounding practice (that is not one of the above, but a similar concept…) in my youtube video here if you’re curious
Whatever it may be – it should be something that comforts you, snaps you back, and allows you to live in the moment, in the NOW, so that you can be your best calm self.
Just remember, this is a skill that can be learned so let’s give it a go! Try and practice this with your friends and family, so that you can do this more naturally when you go on your dates.
If you are a naturally shy person, talking to new people can be quite challenging. But if you are shy and trying to date, it can feel impossible and intimidating for some reason. I am going to show you the pillars and components needed to gain confidence. Click here to learn more