Your main goal when you text is to get a real date out of it. So, how would you go about it? Let me show you the perfect message to send to shift from text to a real date. It’s important to do this, and it’s the whole point of dating! You’re not looking for someone to write to or chat with. You don’t want to spend too much time talking with someone. You want to get out there and meet people. But you have to ask if you want to go out on those dates. Then you have to get someone to say yes. It’s hard when the answers and texts up until that point were really good. Then, all of a sudden, she stops answering when you ask her out on a date or for her phone number. So, what did happen?
“Is there no girl out there for me?”
That’s what they feared…
Good-hearted men worried, doubted and almost gave up until they’ve read this proven 5-Step Plan:
Download your free ebook here: 5-steps to Quality Dates
How long should you chat online before going on a date?
Transition is all about the way you ask
Like anything else in life, your approach and communication style can make all the difference in dating. “It’s all about how you ask” suggests that how you start discussions, convey your interests, and ask about someone’s thoughts or feelings can affect the outcome. Remember that how you phrase something can lead to deep connections and successful dates.
But, if she stopped answering after you asked her on a date, it’s because of the way you asked. I see this mistake happen so many times where guys think that they can just ask a woman out of nowhere. It makes sense to do that because you’ve been texting for a while, there have been good responses, so she should easily just say yes.
Unfortunately, that’s not the case. So the important thing to know is if you have been asking girls abruptly out of nowhere in the middle of your conversation. you’ll most likely not get a response. Because technically there is no transition from texting to an actual date. You abruptly asking isn’t transitioning at all. When I say abruptly, I mean asking for her number, interrupting your conversation like this below isn’t good:
This ebook has the ultimate plan for every good-intentioned man to find his true love, no matter the previous failures
Download your free ebook here: 5-steps to Quality Dates
Cherish this eBook: it contains more than a decade of proven wisdom from my vast experience with single men as a couples therapist, matchmaker, coach and previous eHarmony lead.
Or after asking other questions, you sly in asking for a date, like this below:
So if you’re doing anything close to the examples above, it’s time to change things sup 🙂
When you ask for a date or for their phone number in that way, women hesitate. When something doesn’t flow in a conversation, women stop and reflect. The first question that pops into a woman’s mind is “what’s happening?” Then, “why do you want my number?…Is it time to give my number? I’m not sure…” The confusion and hesitation delays their time to respond to you. Then, they forget to respond to you. Next thing you know, it’s been days with no response.
How long do you talk before dating?
Give her a reason to transition
It’s time to transition from texting to an actual date, the best way! The one incredibly important part of a transition that many forget (or just don’t know about) is…make sure to give her a reason A reason helps her understand why you want to switch to the phone or a date. It, also, helps smoothly transition without hesitation.
Make sure that you finish off the topic you’re talking about before you transition. Make a comment about the topic she was just discussing with you, then bring up taking your discussion outside of your phones.
If she asks you for a story like “How about you, what happened on your trip?” you don’t have to answer and share your story quite yet — you can use that as your reason! You can respond with
“Oh, I got quite a story about that. I want to share with you, but I feel like it’d be better in person 🙂 Would you be open to meeting for coffee and we’ll continue this?”
If you wanted a phone call first, you can switch out the “in-person” to “over the phone.” It’s up to you which step would be better for you.
By giving a reason, there’s no moment for her to hesitate, she’d think “Oh, yeah. that’s true, that’s a better way to tell stories.” It makes sense!
How do you make it clear it’s a date?
Validate your intentions
Before giving a reason, it’s also helpful to validate your intentions and why you’re going to ask her out. Remember that in dating, creating a safe space (and accepting it), is crucial to building a solid relationship (and friendship!) Comments like:
I’ve enjoyed our conversation so far
I want to get to know you more
Everything just flows when we chat
adding the acknowledgeable, even if it’s a “Sorry if this is soon…” helps with making the transition smooth. See this client’s transition text below as a great example!
You may wonder “is this really necessary?” And my answer is…YES. The ease of a transition is so important to allowing the woman to feel comfortable, safe, and secure on deciding to take that next step with you. And if you do what’s suggested, in her mind, she’ll realize it just makes sense. It makes sense. Why wouldn’t she meet up with you? Because you have been sharing a lot of great stories. Why text anymore when there’s already some good back and forth.
So a reason could simply be you want to continue the conversation in-person, and that’s all you have to say! If you want to get to know her more, then say so! Don’t be shy 🙂
Another way to transition if is you use an activity, that you two are already talking about, as a reason to get together. For example, let’s say you were talking about tennis, like below…
This would be a good time to then say “Yes, I haven’t in awhile though! We should play together ;)”
If you use a transition with an activity, you can actually form the date! Some options for you on certain activities:
- If you two talk about what area in the city you live in, but one of you haven’t explored the other’s area much — invite the other to explore! “You should show me around some time” or “Let’s go out in my area, I’l show you all the hidden gems!”
- The moment she talks about where she was at during her weekend that she enjoys, and it’s your favorite spot or never visited, say you two should go together
- When there’s a mention of an event coming up in your area, invite each other to go with each other!
I would suggest is to ask for the date first and then ask for the phone number. If you just ask for the phone number, what is the point? You’re literally just going to keep texting back and forth. The point is to get a date, not to get a pen pal. This is a common mistake, single men ask for the woman’s the number first, so you just continue texting. There’s no higher connection bring built. Ask the date first or FaceTime, obviously during the COVID-19 pandemic, asking for the date first has changed. But, you can still have a date over facetime or even the phone, until she feels safe to meet you in-person. A virtual date is still a date! As long as it’s an increased connection and not just texting.
Ask for what she’s comfortable with
In certain situations, especially during the 2020 pandemic, it’s best to ask what she’s comfortable with. You can ask to help decide if it should be a video or in-person date. Normally, I always say go for the date, see how she feels. Give her alternatives if she’s not comfortable or gives you long silence afterwards. And, that’s it! That’s how you transition.
Just remember to give a reason, explain why it’s time to meet in-person, it’ll allow it to make sense to her. There’s no doubt there, it would just make sense. She’s not going to hesitate. I hope that helps you guys go out there and continue texting, then making sure you transition within 4-7 days (that’s the best average time) That’s the best time because you don’t want to stay texting for too long 🙂
Isn’t the ultimate goal of getting her number to eventually go on a date? So, how can you smoothly transition from online messaging to a date? Find out here