Let’s finally talk about ghosting, the one behavior that everyone hates. But, it’s funny because people who hate it are the ones who still do it. That’s what’s interesting. So let’s answer the big question “why do women ghost?” Why do they do it? Why would they cause such confusion and pain? I get it, you’re trying to get in the psyche of women, wanting to figure out and understand “Why are they doing this to us? Why can’t you just say something? Is it so hard to be honest?” Well, let me answer that for you.
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What is ghosting?
Let’s first define ghosting, even though it’s commonly known trend, just in case you don’t know. Ghosting is, literally, when someone disappears on you. You could have had a really good conversation back and forth, but she then just completely disappears by not answering you anymore. Or, maybe you went on a couple of dates, but then she’s nowhere to be found — that’s ghosting.
Have you been ghosted?
How do you label a situation as officially being ghosted? When you have sent to back to back messages asking a question, but she did not answer any of it. This is important to clarify because I’ve seen many times a client will send a question and when she doesn’t answer, then he already thinks he’s ghosted. But, that’s actually not the case! There are other signs if she’s actually pulling away. It’s normal for people to get really busy with their day, they really can forget to answer you. They didn’t intentionally mean to ghost, they just forgot, and only realized it’s been too long since the last message to respond. If she’s an attractive lady, she most likely has a lot of messages going on. You probably went down the text message pile and it’s out of her sight.
This is more common when it’s the beginning of a dating relationship, especially if you haven’t met yet. She hasn’t built that strong of a connection yet to make sure she consistently checks in with you.
If she doesn’t answer, what do you text?
So, when she doesn’t answer one question, it doesn’t hurt to check in with her two days later. A simple check-in text would suffice to see if she’s still interested. You can send a casual “How’s your day going?” or “Happy Wednesday! How’s the week going?” And if she does not answer that check-in question, then that’s a ghost. It’s important to know you may still have this chance because I’ve seen plenty of relationships still develop even though she didn’t answer the first question. In many situations, the girl will come back with an explanation and apology.
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Even if she stops answering after you transition to a date or asking for her number, you can still check-in on that. See the example below:
Remember, we’re all still human! We’re not perfect. A woman not answering you the first time or waits longer to respond doesn’t mean she intentionally decided to ghost you. Once again, she may have never answered because she saw she missed the question, it’s been two weeks, so she feels it’s too late for me to answer. That’s too weird. So I’m just gonna move on just make sure that you’re actually officially ghosted now.
Why women ghost
So if you’ve been officially ghosted, you now wonder — why do women ghost? First, let’s be clear of the first reason for it. I’m going to be straight-forward here….it’s simple, she’s not interested. It could be because she’s not intrigued by you, attracted to you, or there wasn’t enough chemistry. Whichever it is, she’s not interested. There’s not enough there for her to want to continue a conversation or to date. That’s it.
Accepting not getting an answer
Now, the most difficult part is accepting she decided to ghost instead of saying why. It can be so confusing (especially if it was going well) on why she’d decide to disappear. You just want an answer. And the one thing I will say to that is, unfortunately, she’s not telling you what’s happening behind the scenes. In those situations when women don’t answer you again, or un-match you, there’s something probably going on in their lives that they don’t feel that they need to explain to you. If you’re in the early stages of talking or you haven’t even met each other, she actually doesn’t owe you an explanation. She isn’t required to give you a reason why she decided to not date at all or not date you. She doesn’t feel like explaining that and quite honestly, she has the right to do what feels right to her.
It’s only more rude, of course, if you have been dating for quite a bit. That’s, when I suggest ,to check-in with her and ask her for feedback.
However, once again, why people disappear is because there’s just not enough interest there.
Why women decide to ghost instead of text
Let’a give you the real answer now, why do women ghost? Why can’t women still be honest though? Is it because they’re mean or rude or they don’t have manners? No, let me help you understand women a little bit more.
What women experience when they decide to reject a man
Speaking to you as a woman myself, I can clearly see why this happens. It’s because women have encountered plenty of men who seem great, kind, and nice up front. But, when rejected, they turn into…a monster. They become very aggressive, mean, rude, disrespectful, and more. Women get harassed. They call women cruel names to the point where women fear their safety. It creates such huge stress in their life when it really shouldn’t have been and there are so many women out there that had to deal with this multiples times. And honestly, they would rather not test it and see if you’re like that, even if so far you seem nice. Because like I said, trust me, as a woman there’s plenty of people who seem nice but when rejected ,they turn on you. We women learned that when you hurt a man’s ego, they could explode. But, it’ll cut you and hurt you deeply because they’ll come up with anything to hurt you.
The examples of harassment are all over the internet, but here’s one where she was honest:
Or, you can still get harassed if you do ghost:
Why women say they have a boyfriend when they don’t
It’s aligns with the same reason why women at a bar (or any public setting) will lie and say that they have a boyfriend. Instead of just saying they’re not interested, they decide to use a fake man to protect them. This is because when a woman says “I’m not interested,” men will push and push until they get an answer. They will continue to pressure until that woman will go out with them. It’s not until a woman says they have a boyfriend, they will back off. It’s disheartening to know a man will respect a fake man and not respect a woman’s answer.
I’ve had this personal experience many times. I always choose to be honest, but I have more push back and conflict when I say “I’m not interested.” I get bombarded with more questions because he can’t respect my answer (and no, it’s not an appropriate question like “oh, is there any feedback on anything I did wrong?”). It’s not a fun situation, it’s not ideal, and there are certain days where I just don’t want to potentially handle it. There are days where you just want to ghost and leave it be.
Honesty is still the best route
So that’s just the real honest truth to the big question “why do women ghost?” and I hope at least you can understand why certain women do it. Don’t get me wrong, I believe that everyone should be straightforward and honest no matter how hard it may be. I really appreciate, value, and practice that in my own relationships and friendships.
However, I can understand why people choose not to do it especially with certain experiences that they’ve been through. All any woman can ask is for your understanding, even if you don’t agree. If you really want an answer of why she decided to disappear, you can just ask with a text saying:
hey, I’m aware there isn’t any interest here since you haven’t answered any of my texts. I respect it but I’m just curious if you have any feedback for me so it can help me in my journey of dating. I’d really appreciate it!
This text welcomes the response, reassuring her you’re not going to attack her or react negatively. So, if you want an answer, you can text something similar to the above! I hope this blog brings clarity to you guys on why women do it and can understand at least where we’re coming from. Keep going, don’t let those ghosters bring you down! remember, most of the time, it’s not your fault.
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