If you’ve been asking and searching the big answer to “why aren’t women giving me a chance?!” — I got you! I know it’s quite a big question, especially if you’ve had constant rejections. You just want a simple date. You just want someone to give you a chance. So you’re wondering…why is this happening to me? Why aren’t women giving me a chance?
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The source of the question
The first thing I want to say about that is normally when men have asked me that question, it comes from a place of anger, frustration, almost bitterness, towards a woman who rejected you because that kind of question is actually saying “why aren’t you saying yes?… Can’t you cut me a bit of slack and give me a chance?” also saying “Why can’t you say yes, which will give me a good feeling? To give me that chance will make me feel better” it concludes with “you saying no is what makes me feel so sad and…. it’s your fault.” You wonder why women are making you feel these negative emotions.
Do women owe you a chance?
So, the first thing I want for you to know is…Women don’t owe you a chance. They don’t. Just like you don’t owe anyone anything. So if a woman wants to say no, she has the right to say no, and I hope you respect that. Because everybody has a right to decide what they want or not want to do.Before you keep reading on to help your situation, the first thing is to keep in mind they don’t owe you anything. No, you don’t owe anyone a “yes” to something you don’t want to do, a woman doesn’t owe you a yes either. And honestly, you would rather have her be honest and tell you “no” because she’s just not interested compared to saying yes, because she feels bad for you. That’s not going to be a fun date, trust me.
You’re just going to resent her because she’s not going to have fun. What if she admits that? She tells you the only reason she said yes was because she felt bad, that you seemed desperate. You’ll then get angry again and probably wonder “why would you go on a date with me?…. If you knew you weren’t even interested in me in the first place” Or what if a woman said yes but uses you for a free meal? That’s not good either.
How to get a chance with women
So, first, it’s about recognizing her answer is an honest answer and accept her decision. Now, with that acceptance and knowledge going forward, so what can we do? Because it’s not about changing the woman’s mind, it’s about what you can do to be given a chance.
Put yourself out there and try
So the first thing I want to say is you can only get a chance if you try. From my experience, after working with hundreds of clients, and doing this for over a decade, it’s common to see most of the men that ask “why aren’t women giving me a chance?” are actually not truly trying. They’re maybe trying to get out there and date, but it’s kind of trying here and there within the comfort zone. They’re maybe sitting back a little bit, hoping that a woman will come along and give them a chance, or hope a woman realizes “oh, he is great, I want to give him a chance”. Many times, the men try, but it’s little, the same things they’ve tried before, and staying in their comfort zone.
So just remember that the only way you can even get a chance is to try and to try something different. You want to try out methods that can work and if it doesn’t, you do something different.
Do different things so women will give you a chance
The only way to figure out what works is to get out there, ask girls out, be active online, trying to message girls (adjusting messaging so it can work), building rapport, and asking for a date….you can only learn if you try these steps, then do different things.
If you have been trying to get a chance, you really do feel you’ve been trying consistently, but you don’t get the “yes” — that means something isn’t working. But, great news! You have control over that. You can reflect on yourself, reflect all the times you have tried (and no, it doesn’t sound silly to write it down), and really think and ask yourself
What is it? What is it that I could have done better or differently because obviously, this one didn’t work. So what can I do here?
Look at how the women respond to you, their facials, and when the concern comes up for them. If the girl is someone you’ve known for awhile, how can you change up the timing of how you ask her out? Her concerns would be different than someone you just approached at a grocery store.
If you don’t exactly know then ask for feedback, that’s why I’m here (you can click here if you want custom feedback). You can join my free Facebook group and ask a question there, you can lay out of all the times you’ve tried and what’s happened.
What keeps you in the same place
I will be honest that most men who ask “why aren’t women giving me a chance?” share the same big mistake that keeps them running around in the same circle, with the same results. The mistake is doing the same thing over and over again. It’s like a very vicious cycle. It’s important to get out of it and you have to do something different. And when you’re figuring out what to try different, it has to be from a perspective that would actually make a difference, it must challenge you. Only trying to figure out what to change by listening to yourself, even though you’re unfamiliar with how to do it, and/or asking friends who aren’t the same as you isn’t highly recommended.
Take some time to do this activity: List out all the interactions you’ve had when you tried, then the experience details (what you said, how she responded, how and when she said no, etc), describe the girls that you are approaching too (be honest with who you’re drawn to and their personality type), then ask yourself “What kind of guys do they probably like and do I fit that? What kind of personalities have they been having?” Reflect on that, then see how you can adjust your behavior/strategies (but remember, not to the point where you change yourself), try it out, get feedback, and do something different the next time, seeing what you can change.
The reason why women aren’t giving you a chance
Last, but not least….this is the most important piece of guidance I want you to hear. If you’re questioning “why aren’t women giving me a chance?”, the core to the answer and what affects the answer is the lack confidence and strong character. I want to make clear, it’s not “everyone,” but many who have come to me with that question have the lack of confidence and get wrongly labeled as the “nice guy.” Here’s the thing — you’re already low on positive reinforcement, and trying is only making this journey difficult. It’s hard, right? With every single rejection, with every single “no,” it hits your self-esteem, your self-esteem is being hacked away even more so it doesn’t help if you’ve already had low confidence.
So, the most important thing I want to leave you with today is..
The most important action step: Work on your confidence. Gain the confidence you’re missing, have strong character. What s confidence? Remember, confidence is about being your true authentic self and being authentic means that you’re not seeking approval from anyone else and you accept yourself for exactly who you are.
The one thing that gets women to give you a chance
If women aren’t giving you a chance, it’s because they’re not attracted to you. If they’re not attracted to you, it comes down to not only the factors that create attraction, but the foundation of it — confidence. Confidence is attractive, confidence is sexy. So if you’re already approaching interactions knowing that she’ll probably not give you a chance…that’s where you go wrong. It’s the same concept with the friend-zone. A lot of men complain about being in the friend zone, and they keep thinking with every new date or new potential girl “Ehhh, she’ll probably put me in the friend zone already” and you become fearful.
That fear is shown, that fear of getting the no becomes obvious to the girl, that narrative in your mind saying “oh, I’ve never been given a chance….” is actually being heard by women. Or, actually, they can feel it,…and that does not make you confident.
Activity #2: On top of reflecting on your past interactions (as suggested above), now ask yourself “how confident am I? On a scale of 1-10 scale, how confidence am I in dating?” Whatever the answer is, then ask “how do I gain more confidence?”
It’s time to work on that, it’s time to accept you for who you are, and not allow a woman’s “no” to define you because if you’re asking that question of “why aren’t women giving me a chance?” you’re already allowing a woman to gnaw at your soul and to define you because every time she said no, you feel more and more like you’re not good enough. It’s not about them. It’s about you.
To help you with the big question about giving you a chance, I want for you to walk away from this blog remembering
“I got to take some time for myself to gain confidence, then get back out there, and do something different.”
I believe in you, you just have to believe in yourself 🙂
If you’re having a difficult time figuring out how to gain confidence, I got you! Learn how to re-gain your confidence through learning the two components needed to gain confidence, knowing the pillars, and answer the questions needed to transform you into a confident man below.