I am asked a lot about how to keep a girl interested, “how would you keep that interest going? How to keep the novelty?” I have had different ways this question has been asked, but the main issue is feeling you maybe get the first, second, and even third date, but then it starts to slow down and eventually fade. You wonder if there’s anything you could have done to keep that interest going. I think I’m going to share with you maybe something different than you probably would have seen elsewhere.
I know there are a lot of articles on the things to say, the things to do to keep her interested and to keep it going. Now, of course, there are dates that you can do to keep it refreshing or when you give someone compliments or you do something different and give them maybe a thoughtful gift that’s new. That may keep her interested, but that’s not the foundation or the umbrella here.
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Shift your perspective
If you think about it, the main goal for you guys is to get into a long-term relationship or at least, that’s my approach as a dating coach. That’s what I’m helping you guys get to. If you really think about it, how much do we really need to pay such focus and attention to keeping her interested? The first thing I want to talk about is shifting that perspective of feeling like you have to keep her interested.
I feel when people think like that, that’s when it gets harder, because you’re putting so much pressure and expectation on yourself that if you don’t do things right, she will just leave, which isn’t the case. You don’t have to work so hard to keep a lady by your side and to keep dating her. It takes work, but you shouldn’t have to feel that pressure and that much difficulty when wanting to get into a relationship that will hopefully last forever.
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Find the Strongest Connecting Point
What is the true focus here? Well, the way to keep true interest is by actually finding the most strongest connecting point that you have. This connecting point, what I mean is values, how you look at the world, your lifestyle, your beliefs. Find the strong connecting points that you two have, because if you share that in common, that’s what keeps you going. If you share a very passionate interest, if you share a passion for the same interest, that counts as well.
Why do I say that? It is because if you think about it, in a long-term relationship, sure that honeymoon phase dies out, but what really keeps the relationship going, what keeps couples talking, it’s finding that you have very similar values that you can keep expanding and talking about. That’s what you want to find on these dates.
Yes, when you’re in a relationship, go on date nights, do something different. Of course, that novelty does need to be there, but that’s more of action and activities. But that’s not what keeps the interest or relationships going. What it actually does is recognizing that you two share very similar foundations that will keep going throughout the rest of your life.
Recognize your similar foundations
What do I mean by this? For example, I knew from the very beginning when I first dated my fiancé that we were very similar on self-growth, on spirituality and our level of having fun. We have the same level of being outgoing and how we like to have fun. The combination of that, even though we’ve been together for three and a half years now, that’s what keeps us going.
That’s how we keep talking because we’re talking about how we’ve grown in this last week or in the day. We talk about our spirituality, what we’ve learned, what we saw on the internet, and what we think about it. Our level of fun, and relax is huge because when we need to relax, we have the exact same idea of how we want to and that’s what keeps us going.
Don’t pretend to keep her interested
It’s not about keeping her on her toes and hiding things from her to keep her interested, and then she’ll find out. Sure, in the beginning though, what keeps the interest, the novelty is already getting to know each other. That’s what’s new and that’s what starts the dating. What keeps you continuously going into a healthy long-term relationship is recognizing what do you two share in common that is very foundational in your life. It could be any other value. It can be your sense of adventure. I know a lot of couples that have a very strong similar level of adventure. They can do a hike or go to a national park, they’ll explore, they have that. The only new thing the novelty is just having more adventures, but because they have that foundation.
Just recognize it. If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, you shouldn’t be questioning yourself, how do I keep her interested? No, it’s being able to be aware of yourself and what values you hold for your life, what are the values you have that have kept you going so far personally. The ideal situation is you find somebody else who shares that too and then you do that together. That’s what it really is. It’s not about what to compliment her on, what new dates to do, how to flirt with her differently to keep her interested. No, it’s about finding that person that will be able to live with you every day and still feel like it’s a fulfilling relationship.
I know it’s a little different than probably what you expected to read but I truly believe that’s what keeps it going.
If you are trying to impress her during your date to keep her interested, you may feel nervous.Learn how to reduce the anxiety and overthinking here