Small talk won’t be enough to determine someone’s level of interest in you, so let me discuss “non verbal cues during dates.” It’s your expressions, it’s your hand movements, it’s your body language, these are all really important to dating. I’m pretty sure you’ve heard some sort of percentage, or I’ve heard a lot of different percentages of how much nonverbal communication matters versus your words, obviously, verbal. But every time, no matter what the percentage is, nonverbal is always higher. It’s not what you say. It is what you’re doing, what you’re expressing and showing.
Today, there’s a lot to non verbals. I could go through so many different parts of non verbals to do. But I actually want to go over the biggest nonverbal mistakes I have seen. The feedback I have seen women give from their dates in my personal life, but also from my clients and what women have said, and even though my clients didn’t know it was a non verbal issue, I’m aware because I obviously talk to my clients.
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In another video, I will go over the best nonverbal communication factors to focus on, but for today, I want to make sure that if you feel like any of this could be you, to already start switching it up and start looking at yourself in the mirror and being really aware of what you’re doing.
Note: I highly suggest to watch my Youtube video instead of reading because we’re talking about non verbals and I show you in the video clear examples.
Why So Serious?
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First, the biggest feedback I normally give my clients is on how serious they are. Usually, you guys are the introverted, maybe more reserved guys, the number one feedback is that a lot of women feel that they are too serious. Too serious. Where do you think that comes from? Do you think it comes from the words? Normally not, because they’re just talking about who they are, and their background, their journeys. It’s not about what they’re saying. It’s about what they’re exuding. What are the biggest mistakes that show they’re too serious? Number one, it’s facials. It’s always your face.
I think when I first meet my clients, the biggest feedback I immediately give is that they don’t have any expressions on their faces. The way I find that out is by asking them to tell me a story, any story in their life, but a story that means a lot to them. A story that brings them joy, because normally, when you tell a story, organically, the emotions should be coming out. When I’m talking about something funny, I’m laughing, and why I’m already smiling when I say that is because it already naturally brings back any emotion that has to do with something fun or funny. If something’s meaningful, you get more passionate.
Number one is all about the use of facial expressions. The biggest mistake I feel my guys make is, they just talk like this (watch my video for my expression), it seems like they’re talking to a colleague and even though I’m sharing something really exciting with you right now, my face isn’t moving, my mouth is not moving, my eyebrows are not moving, my eyes aren’t really moving. Don’t you feel bored already with me? The biggest, probably indicator of that you’re too serious and potentially boring, but women wouldn’t normally say you’re boring, they don’t want to be mean, is the facial expression.
Mind Your Posture
Number two normally is your posture. It is your posture. A lot of my clients, I see them. And I know with certain meetings, like on Zoom, they sit upright. But here’s the thing. You would think that “Oh, because I’m on a Zoom meeting with you, it’s different. I am only this way, because I’m on a Zoom meeting with you.” You need to start practicing in all meetings to have the posture and body language as you would in any communication. I don’t know if you guys noticed, but in my YouTube videos, I’m moving around. I’m leaning in.
Even though I’m not one on one talking to you, I’m moving. If I was on a Zoom call with somebody or when I FaceTime my friends, I’m doing the same. I’m leaning in, moving, coming in as if I’m trying to listen even more. I’m moving around, because that’s showing, once again, a little bit more expression, animation to your story, and it adds to the engagement. It shows that, well, you’re not too serious. Once again, number two that’s showcasing that they’re too serious is just the posture is so stiff. It’s stiff and you’re not moving whatsoever.
Move Your Hands
Last but not least, number three, probably the biggest mistake with non verbals in communication is in regard to hand motion. I don’t know if you guys noticed this. I move my hands a lot. Not too much, I’m not being too crazy. But when I’m talking in a certain way and I’m presenting something in a certain way, my hands are moving with it. It shows once again that in your story that you’re telling, it’s coming to life. If you talk about work and it’s so stressful, this is adding to the story. It’s adding to it. Watch your hands. Are you moving at all? Normally, when people have a posture like this, their hands are not moving whatsoever either.
They’re just sitting back like a robot. That is also what’s adding to the feedback of you guys being too serious. Once again, that’s normally the biggest feedback I get. My clients get that they’re too serious. They’re not connecting with these ladies and mostly because these ladies are seeing them as too serious. You’re not exciting, you’re not entertaining, intriguing, and that is because of those three non verbals. So, I challenge you to look at yourself in the mirror and I know it sounds odd to you, but tell a story, looking at yourself and see, are you smiling ever? Do you move your eyebrows? Do you move your hands? Are you leaning in a little bit and moving?
I don’t know if everybody has had to do speech class in college. I know I had to, and I learned so much from that speech communication class but I suggest if you don’t know any of that, you could enroll in a communication or speech class, because that is everything. These nonverbals are everything. If you don’t do that, you will not further dates with women unless a woman is like that herself, unless she’s really just to herself and still like this. But either way, guys, if a woman was like that, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be as interested either. But I was going to say, the only match I can see is if both of them like that. If both of them are like that and are very serious, that’s a good match.
But otherwise, most of you guys like a woman who’s engaging, fun, flirty, and has positive energy. If she has that, you need to at least match that a little bit. And the way you match that is starting with these nonverbals. I hope that makes sense for you guys. I hope you fully take this in and I really, really hope, if you struggle with this please, please, to yourself, look in the mirror and tell the story, and you already see what these ladies are talking about. Go practice nonverbals, use your hands, lean in, and smile once in a while. I know guys tell girls smile all the time too, but hey guys, it’s back at you. Smile once in a while.
To discover more about how to make your facial expressions, gestures, posture, and tone of voice more successful as verbal and nonverbal modes of communication. Click here!