Insecurity is good to some extent because it makes you work harder, but, if your insecurities make you feel little and hopeless to find a quality girl or start to doubting yourself, it’s difficult to start dating. This is why it’s important you have to have someone you can work with to help you build up your self-confidence, reframe your mindset about how you should look at your self and in dating in general, just like what Rohan did, who worries about how his baldness, short height, and his ethnicity is why he goes on and off on various online dating apps.
I’ve worked with Rohan not too long ago and I am so glad that he shared the milestone of his dating journey and now the wedding bells are ringing!
The transcription has been revised for clarity.
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Talk with Rohan
Ruby: Hi, everyone. Here we are with another inspirational story for you guys. This one’s really exciting to hear because this is a past client of mine. It’s been a couple of years, and he shared the great news with me that he is engaged. I’m excited that he is willing to hop on and talk about his own journey, even though it’s been a while, to hopefully encourage you guys that you can get there as well. Today, we have my client or past client here, Rohan. Hi, Rohan, how are you doing today?
Rohan: I’m doing well, given all the circumstances with the–
Ruby: Right. Everyone, we are talking– if you’re watching this later in the future, it’s 2020 and it’s still during the pandemic. So, he is probably doing his best to even plan a wedding at this time. Let’s hop right in, so the audience can get to know you and we’ll ask you some questions. Rohan, can you give everyone a little summary of who you are, where you started, and where you are now?
Who he is
Rohan: I’m now 40. I work in software engineering, mainly in the medical space. As far as dating before, it’s really very spotty. I didn’t really know what to do. Now, I’ve been dating my fiancée for the past two years, and we’re planning to get married in October.
Ruby: Awesome. That’s amazing. Just amazing news. During our time, what do you think was the biggest obstacle you overcame?
The biggest obstacle he overcame
Rohan: I think probably the biggest obstacle is the– I didn’t know how to do things. Even just the clarity of the type of person I was looking for wasn’t there. I think that those were the biggest things I got from your coaching.
Ruby: Got it. and remind me before, when you started with me, were you dabbling in dating apps and all of that before? You just hadn’t had luck or did you not do anything? Remind the audience of where you were before.
Rohan: Dating apps, off and on, I think I was on OkCupid mainly for the test. Then, I had another colocation app happen, but it was definitely dabbling and it wasn’t really anything serious there.
Ruby: Got it. Okay. Yeah, you’re trying, but it seemed like you weren’t really getting the results that you were wanting to see.
Ruby: In the beginning, or even during our time, what did you worry about? What did you think would make dating harder for you when you started?
A couple of things that he was worried about
Rohan: Probably a combination of just worried about height, I’m bald. I did maybe worry about ethnicity a little bit. I’m Indian, less of a worry in the Northern California area.
Ruby: Okay, got it. You were worried about those couple of things and how they might impact dating. I believe I even remember mentioning to you how the only thing that’s hard about online dating, especially with things like height, is that they see it. A lot of people will quickly judge with that, unfortunately.
Ruby: The only hard part about it, but we persisted, we continued with that, which is awesome. You obviously have continued it until you found the right person. Can you give everyone a little summary of how my guidance has helped you get the woman that you have now?
Rohan: Well, I think the biggest thing is just putting it in writing and getting clarity on who it is that I’m looking for and having my perspective there, I think that was probably the biggest thing. Instead of just– it seems very scattershot if you’re not aware of what it is that makes a good connection with someone.
Ruby: That’s right. It’s like throwing things at the wall and trying to see what sticks.
Focus and clarity is enough
Ruby: What it seemed like, and you mentioned even before is the focus and the clarity in each step of the way was already just helpful enough.
Ruby: With that, did you already notice when you were on these apps, and you probably found your fiancée now that you could already tell just by the few conversations that she was what you were looking for?
Rohan: Yeah. Also, when we started doing the actual dates, our sense of humor definitely meshed right away. I guess it would’ve been on the third date, actually, the first movie we saw together was Deadpool.
Rohan: I knew we had very similar senses of humor.
Ruby: That’s awesome. Great movie, by the way. Speaking of which, yeah, tell us a little bit more about how you’re feeling now. Tell us a little about even the story of the progression of how you guys dated, and even how you proposed, I actually don’t think I know that story. How are you feeling now?
Rohan: I’ve actually met her on Coffee Meets Bagel, which is an app that I wasn’t aware of until we worked together. You actually helped me make the profile for that. When she contacted me, it was an almost immediate connection back and forth. It was easy to talk with her. Within the day, we made plans for a date. The initial date was– she was actually going to come and see– One of my hobbies is doing some ballroom and swing type things. She was going to come to see the performance on a first date. That could be a little awkward, so let’s get coffee like two days before.
Rohan: …and then she did see the performance two days later. Then, the third during the pandemic was the next– I think the very next day, we went to see a movie and then had dinner afterward. Since then, a lot of the dates, things where I was meeting her friends. I tried to get her to come to the dance studio, and she’d meet a lot of friends that I had. Probably, the final stage was finally telling her parents. She has a very traditional upbringing. Basically, as soon as you tell your parents, that means. We ended up telling her parents last December. I met them in early January, our parents met each other in March. Then, as soon as we got back from that trip was when I proposed to her.
His dating journey milestone
Ruby: Got it. Wow, it’s awesome. How did you do it?
Rohan: There’s a really nice seafood restaurant by the river here in Sacramento. That’s where we went and I proposed to her by the river, near sunset, I tried to time it at that time.
Ruby: That’s amazing. Congratulations. Look at that, how romantic. How does it feel to be in a solid, happy relationship?
Rohan: It feels really good. She’s probably the most supportive person in my life by far. Actually, she’s helped me gain the courage to take some steps to start my own business, and I’m actually starting to head down that road. She’s definitely the most supportive person in my life in terms of all those things go.
Ruby: That’s amazing. I feel like a lot of people, imagine when you are in a healthy relationship, it’s another person that helps you grow in work ways that you couldn’t by yourself. It seems like she’s doing exactly that. That’s what everyone would want for a companion. That’s really awesome, so happy for you. Many people are usually too scared to get help on such a vulnerable topic, it can feel shameful, especially with clients in mind that are Asian, Indian, doesn’t matter there’s a sector there probably growing up in a traditional family and it can feel odd. Can you speak to that and what would you say to them?
Rohan: Well, it’s only awkward at the beginning. I feel once you are going through it, it feels very comfortable just because there are specific things that we’re trying to do.
Ruby: In the beginning, of course, it’s always a little odd or even scary, but when you’re actually taking action to get help where you want, why would it feel scary anymore?
Why he decided to work with me
Ruby: What are the reasons you noticed in the beginning, you can think back and remember, that you notice made this investment worth it? When you first said yes, what was the reason why you decided to take this plunge and do coaching with me?
Rohan: I think you sent me a video of your example of how you were doing the coaching. I think that that’s one of the things that got me there. Beyond that, I didn’t realize this until much later, I think I had seen your TED Talk at one point, but it didn’t register as the same person until later.
Ruby: That’s awesome. What was it that made you actually say yes? You saw the videos and things like that, but what pushed you to be like, “Okay, I’m going to I’m going to do this?”
Rohan: I’m just seemed like it would work. I don’t know how to say it any other way. It just seemed like, “Yeah, I think this will work.”
Ruby: Got it. There you go. Okay, awesome. Now, one of the last questions, what qualities do you think one needs to be successful in this and be like you? You in a relationship, being engaged, and happy, what do you think someone listening to this, a future client would need?
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What it takes to be successful in this kind of journey
Rohan: I think being open to the early introspection process, just making sure that you really understand yourself and who you’re looking for. I think it’s probably– for me, that’s what I found the most valuable, like the clarity you get from that. Of course, the steps themselves of what to do, how to write your profile, and things of that sort, are definitely very, very helpful as well. But I think long term, just the clarity of understanding who you are and the connection that you’re looking for, and who would actually connect with I think, that’s probably the most important thing.
Ruby: That’s amazing. Yeah, I’m really happy to say that because I feel– so in general, you’re saying, being open to it, and especially being open to, well, looking within yourself, and seeing where you could grow and finding clarity in that way, and interestingly enough– Since we’ve worked together, obviously, I always fine-tune my own process and program. Now, I have everyone making sure they spend almost at least a couple of weeks or a month on just the internal work and the prep work because that’s so important before you even enter a relationship. People forget that. People always think like, “Oh, just give me the strategies and I’ll figure it out.” That doesn’t give you long-term guidance.
What I want to end this with as well is, I want everyone to know, and it’s awesome because he actually found his lady after our time. It was pretty close, I remember you said it’s pretty close to after we were done. But I think what’s so important to remember in regards to that is just because the success wasn’t actually within the time we were in, what’s more, important is continuing the practice afterward, no matter how long it takes.
What he can advise for those struggles with their dating life
Because at the end of the day, we work together to build that clarity and that focus and building basically like a system, so that you can keep doing it until you meet that right person, and that’s all it takes. I think that’s important to hear. I think that was a really cool part of your story. That it didn’t happen within the time, I didn’t know about her, it happened afterward.
Ruby: To wrap this up, usually, for anyone that’s listening to this are on the fence about doing one-on-one or getting guidance at all in this, just to wrap it up, what would you say to those guys listening right now and that’s on the fence?
Rohan: It’s invaluable when you find the right person that you want to be with. I don’t know what sort of price you would put on that. I would say definitely just give it a try. At worst, you learn something and at best, you find someone you’re looking for.
Ruby: Fantastic. Love that, it’s true! The worst really is that you learn. That’s it. You learn something new. You’ve learned something, that’s awesome. Thank you so much for sharing your story today. Thank you so much for being here today. I really appreciate it and I know you’re planning a wedding during this pandemic, but good luck to you both. Wishing you both happiness forever, and everything that you’ve ever wished for. Thank you so much for joining me today, Rohan, and have a good one. Thank you everyone for listening.
It is such a wonderful and inspiring story to read. I will always make sure to fine-tune my own process and program to help more clients like Rohan. Always know guys that we all have flaws, we just need to embrace them and feel good about them because how we look at ourselves is how people will able to see us.