Signs of a Catfish & What to do

It’s no secret that catfishers are very much present in the online dating scene. So what are the signs of a catfish you should be aware of? Read on, I’m going to be talking about catfishes, the signs of them, the term catfish versus scammers, and what to do when you actually meet someone in person and you realize, “Ah. She’s a catfish.” I’m going to be going over that today. 

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Catfish vs. Scammers

When it comes to catfishes, I don’t think anybody likes to be a catfish, right? Just like no one wants to be scammed. But the first thing I want to talk about is the difference between catfishes and scammers, because they are always used interchangeably, and they are quite different. Just to be clear, a scammer is someone who is manipulating you to give private information, or extort you, or change and affect your livelihood by taking your money and ruin your finances. It’s very dangerous. That’s why I made this big vlog here where I show you real texts of a scammer because this really affects your life. So, if you haven’t watched that yet, please, please, please, watch and how you can tell if someone is a scammer up above.

 

Catfishing Meaning

What is a catfish, then? A catfish is someone who is not who they say they are. I don’t mean, oh, they work in a completely different career. They live in a completely different city. No, no, no, like physically. Physically, they are not who they say they are and this could mean that they are a completely different person. Or this could mean that the images you saw on the dating app, the angles are a little odd and when you come to meet them, it’s their face, but you realize they do not look like their photos. It could be added weight or really, really, thin. But you can tell it’s her face. But still, you’re disappointed just because she doesn’t look like her photos. You really had an imagination or a visual in your mind, and that was not it. So, that’s the difference. 

Catfishes, quite honestly, don’t harm you too much, because they just build an emotional connection with you, if anything. That’s what’s hurtful. When that’s gone when you realize that she’s not the same person or looks so different, that’s what you would have to struggle with. But otherwise, there’s no threat to your livelihood and how you live life. It’s just that emotional connection is gone instantly when you realize they’re not who they say they are and that you wasted all your time.

 

Common Signs of a Catfish 

So, with that said, are there warning signs for catfishes? Obviously, catfishes happen mostly on online dating. Actually, it really only happens online. I don’t think texts come out of the blue, out of nowhere, and it’s a catfish. No, it’s always online dating. So, mainly the sign to look at is the photos. You want to see, does she have a lot of photos of her doing different things, doing different activities, full body shots, headshots with friends? Or is it five photos of her face, but it’s angled in a way where it looks like the photo is being taken up here? It’s kind of like a weird angle that’s very high but camera looking down on you or the camera is extremely below you, looking up. 

You don’t see her full self. And there are no friends, and she’s not really doing an activity. It’s just selfies. Guys, if you already see this, I hope you already have a little bit of a flag that goes up to take a little bit more precaution in what she could look like.

Now, there is a possibility that someone could use very old photos of themselves. Now, if the whole thing is consistent that it’s old photos, you would never be able to tell. So, that’s not your fault. But really look into if there are some photos where it’s a full body shot, she looks good, but you can see potentially that her face or her hair or something’s a bit different in that versus this photo over here with this angle you’re like that. Like, I can see the facial features are the same, but something doesn’t seem right. So, just look at the photos and look for odd discrepancies, inconsistencies, or consistently weird-angled selfies.

 

Hesitant to Meet

Now, if that’s the case, as you’re texting, really the big red flag with catfishes is that they don’t want to meet, ever. They really try to build that emotional connection with you. They don’t try to ask you for money, but they’re connected to you and this is where the draw comes in, because they seem like such a great person and you look at this photo, and she seems like such a great girl.

Now, here’s the thing. There are two ways to kind of potentially “fish” this out. You can take a selfie of what you’re doing during the day. And so, you’re playing soccer, you can have a friend take a photo of you playing soccer, send it to her, and say, “This is where I’m at. This is what I’m doing. What about you?” That way, hope she would send a photo back of what she’s doing and hopefully, it’s not angled again. You’re asking for her to show you a photo of her and doing an activity.

Now, that one’s a little bit harder to do because you can’t just request these photos. But that is a potential strategy just to get some more photos of her out. If she says she’s out with friends or she’s out rock climbing, you can say, “Oh, I want to see.” You can flirt and say, “Oh, wait. I don’t want to see a photo of the rock. I want to see one of your beautiful faces.” And see what she sends.

 

Video Chat If She Rejects Meeting In-Person

Now, once again, that may or may not work. If you’re still not sure about that, then it’s all about video chatting. Ask her the video chat first if you feel uncertain about what to do or if you still feel like she’s not who she says she is, this is really important because this will help in making sure she’s at least the same person. Once again, it doesn’t happen as much anymore at least when I hear from my clients. But if they’re a completely different person, like they used photos of another girl, video chatting is really important. Because if they resist that, they’re definitely a catfish.

If she resists video chatting and meeting in person and you texted her for about three weeks now, I would say, please, please, please, let it go. I mean, you are here to build a true relationship and you can’t have a true relationship if you don’t meet. And you can tell her that. You can say, “Look, it’s been really hard to meet with you in person or even via video and I know that might be hard for you, you may be slow to warm up, but I’m looking for something different. I’m looking for a relationship and it needs that.”

So, as much as I like you as of now if you can’t take that step, we’re going to have to let it go.” That’s it, be strong in doing that because once again, you cannot build a relationship with someone you do not see. So, video chat, try to meet in person.

 

How To Spot a Catfish

Now, let’s say she does meet you in person and this is the harder part. Let’s say she does meet you in person. No catfish will meet you in person. If the photo and who they are like completely different people, that just won’t happen. That’s what I’m saying. If you don’t meet for three or even four weeks, just let it go. She’s not who she says she is.

But It’s possible for some ladies with the odd angled photos to of course meet you in person because they do like you and they want to date. But when she walks up and you realize, “Oh, she does not look like her photos, I just can’t do this.” What do you do? You don’t want to be really mean, but you also don’t want to waste your time and spend 2 hours on someone that you already are not interested in.

 

Honesty Works

So, there are two ways to go about this. There’s the honest route, but the kind route. You don’t have to be mean. So, what would you state? You would tell her something along the lines of,

“I want to be honest with you because I don’t want to waste your time. I think I’m kind of surprised because your photos seem so different than who you are now and because I’m so caught off guard, I just don’t think we can build a connection here. And once again, I’m so sorry if this comes out in the wrong way, but I don’t want to waste your time. So, thank you so much for taking the time to come out today and I really wish you the best in this dating journey.”

I suggest this because you could potentially help her in the future. You could potentially kind of have a light bulb help her, have a lightbulb over her head to realize maybe she should actually take better photos or current photos. It may hurt her at that moment, actually, it probably will, but for long-term gain because she hears your honesty and she will probably change it.

 

How To Prove You Are Not Being Catfished

Once again, that’s not being mean. You’re stating your intent. You’re saying why you’re doing this. You don’t want to waste her time. It’s for her. You’re being honest, saying your photos don’t look like yourself. You’re bringing it back to yourself, saying you’re surprised. And because of that, there’s no chemistry or “I don’t think a connection can be built.” That’s one way to do it.

Another way to do it is just stating that you just are not feeling the chemistry already and you want to let this go, not to waste your time. So, same thing. But you’re just taking out the whole photo aspect. 15 minutes in, I would say at least give her 15 minutes, after that, you can say,

“Look, I am sorry to do this, but I just want to be honest. I’m really not feeling a connection here or any chemistry, and I just don’t want to waste your time and really try this for the next 2 hours. I really appreciate you coming out here, for all the texts that we’ve had. But I want to be honest with myself and with you and say that I just don’t think there can be a connection that can be built here. So, I’ll walk you to your car and I wish you the best in everything.”

 

Don’t waste your time

And that’s it. I know, guys. It’s hard to say things like that, but at the end of the day, I don’t want you to waste your time. I think it’s actually kind of ruder if you’re faking it for 2 hours just because, and you’re kind of brewing in this dislike or uncertainty. And if you feel like there’s a 0% chance, trust me, even though it hurts at the moment for the woman, afterward, you’ll think, “Well, at least I didn’t waste my time with that.” And that’s that.

That’s catfishing for you guys. I hope it answers all the different layers for you. But once again, it’s just kind of tricky because it’s just about how the person looks. She’s not really taking away anything from you except that emotional investment. But make sure you take steps to ensure she is who she is and just be aware of your own emotional tie and when to draw the line and let that go.

Please watch the scammer video if you haven’t already. It’s very informative so that you don’t get stuck in those situations. Otherwise, if you feel like this keeps happening to you, book a free call with me. Let’s talk about what’s happening because sometimes it’s about what you’re exuding on your profiles as well if you keep attracting catfishes or scammers or fakes and liars.