Today, we’re talking about what to do when you’re feeling hopeless about dating. Because I know, dating is tough, it’s exhausting, confusing, frustrating. It’s the one area in all our lives where it’s so easy you just want to give it up because it hurts so much. It’s so painful when things are not working, to the point where you start to question yourself, you start to lose your own confidence, you start to question, “Am I good enough? Am I attractive enough?” And that’s when the questions start spiraling into, “Is this even worth it? Is this worth it to do? Is this even in my cards?” I want to give you about three steps here to hopefully help you in those scenarios to get you out of that hole, and hopefully proceed forward with dating when you feel you’re ready.
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Remember Your Why
The first thing I want to talk about is, remember your why. Why do you want a companion? a relationship and love? Be honest with yourself. Ask yourself that question. Here’s the thing, I don’t want you to just think about it for a quick second in your head and say, “Well, just because I want one. Well, just because doesn’t everybody?” No. I want you to really sit and reflect on it. Let me tell you this if you’re already thinking, “Doesn’t everybody want love? That’s just a human thing to want,” sure. Everyone can want love but not everybody has the same reasons for wanting it. I know it’s hard for you to see because you’re not in my field, but I’ve talked to hundreds of people.
Reflect and wonder
So many, almost every single person’s reasons are different when they really reflect and ask themselves why they want this. Why is this a priority in their life? Challenge yourself, and reflect and wonder why you want it. I challenge you to write it down, say it out loud to yourself, even better, say it out loud to a friend, or even comment on this video below, tell us your why. Open this conversation to knowing what your why is, so that way, your why is what gets you back up when you are feeling really low because if you think about it, we never really asked ourselves why until we’re about to give up.
Look at fitness, when people want to lose weight, people know their whys pretty easily because normally you talk about it with friends, people go to fitness classes, have a fitness coach, where they say why they want to lose weight, what the goal is, and what the reason is. In fitness, if you guys have experienced this, I know I remember I had a fitness coach once, and I’ll always remember, she made me do this last set of burpees, and burpees are the worst. I remember thinking, “Oh, my gosh.
This is so torturous. This is painful. Why am I doing this? Why?” I remember as I said that, immediately then, I thought on my why because I remembered it. I remember my why because I’ve said it to myself before. The reason was I want to live a long, healthy life and quite honestly, I feel confident when I look good, and I want to fit in cute outfits. That’s my honest truth. Because I remembered that, I actually pushed through and I did the full set. It’s the same kind of concept as dating, but you need to reflect on your reason why and making sure that it’s honest and powerful. That’s how you get back up.
Once again, I challenge you to actually write it down, comment below, so that it helps in the whole concept of accountability. It reminds you of why you want this.
It’s Okay to Take a Break
Now, once you recognize your why, I do want to make a quick note and say that, it’s okay when you feel burnt out, when you feel exhausted, to take a break. Take a break, it’s okay. However, an action step that’s helpful is when you do take a break, give yourself a timeline to get yourself going again, because when people don’t do that, they think, “Oh, I’ll do it when I’m ready.” And then, the ready go from two months to six months to a year to five years, and then they wake up one day thinking, “Uh-huh, it’s been a long time.
I really don’t know what to do now and things have changed.” You want to give yourself a pretty comfortable timeline that you hold yourself accountable to, to get yourself trying again.
The honest truth is no one is really ever ready. No one is. No one is really ready in finding love. It’s just about making sure that you feel good about yourself enough to take on a challenge. That’s all you need.
Don’t Allow Your Past to Hold You Down
From there, another thing I want to talk about is remembering to not allow your past to be holding on to your present moment. Do activities to let go and forgive what has happened. I’ve seen it way too many times when people don’t find success is because they’re already saying to themselves, “Well, I’ve never found success before. All women have rejected me already. Why should I do this?” They’re already having this negative mindset into anything else they try. They doubt every person and even themselves. That’s not going to give you success.
Do some practices to allow yourself to not allow that anger and that resentment to continue on any further. That could be through therapy, that could be through journaling, whichever technique. I suggest you figure out a technique to do so, so you can let it go.
Give Your Action Steps and Challenge Yourself
Last but not least, take action steps. Once you’ve done all of that, give yourself action steps to challenge yourself so you can push yourself out of your comfort zone. The last thing you want is to do all this and then go back and do the same thing you’ve already done. That’s just madness. If you’re doing the same thing over and over, you’re not getting the result, but that’s because you’re doing the same thing. You don’t want to go in that circle. Challenge yourself to do something that kind of scares you.
What is it that you haven’t done yet? That’s why some people have me. They’ve realized they’ve tried everything, and they realize they need someone who actually has been in the field over a decade and someone who’s actually going to hold them accountable. That’s why they call me. That’s not the only choice. You can challenge yourself to read a book, you can challenge yourself to approach strangers just so you can get confident in interactions again.
Go out of your comfort zone
Challenge yourself to go to meetup groups, meet people. Challenge yourself to talk to friends and tell them, “Hey, I’m ready to meet people, do you have anyone for me?” Do something that pushes you out of your comfort zone that you haven’t tried before. Once you do that, then the only thing that can happen is you will learn from there. If something doesn’t work, then you can do something again. But it is important to commit yourself, commit to an action. That is of a change that will push you out of that comfort zone.
Once you get all those steps aligned, it should at least help you overcome that hopelessness, and once again, it really starts with remembering your why. Then, it’s the action steps, then it’s committing to it.
But your why is what really drives you through all of it because you’re remembering, “This is why I want it. It’s because I want a family,” or it’s because I want to grow more. I know if I had the right person, I grow better as a person myself. Whatever it is, just remember your why. Remember why you’re doing this.
I appreciate you even reading this topic. It means that you’re really trying to learn and you’re trying to equip yourself with anything you can get. Keep doing that. Keep going and just remember, no one ever said that love is easy. It doesn’t. It doesn’t come easy, but it’s always worth it. Thank you so much for the time to read good luck.
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