How to overcome first-date nerves? I know it’s a common struggle that many men face. So I’ll go over about when you get nervous before the date, or on the date. You get pretty excited. You’ve had this buildup in getting to know this woman. And then when you’ve asked the date and she says, “Yes.” You’re excited. You’ve had it planned, you’re ready, and then all of a sudden, the feelings come up. You start realizing, “Oh, no, she is cute. I really like her. I really want this to go well.” And then all the nerves start coming up. What do you do? What do you do at that point? What do you do when you feel the nerves are coming on during the date? Don’t worry, I got your back.
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Let’s talk about nerves and getting nervous. Now, as you may know, as I said, I’m a dating coach, so a lot of the texts I get (similar to above), actually are when my clients get excited about dates, and then they text me, “Uh-oh, Ruby, I’m really nervous now. Oh, I’m building these nerves. What do I do?” So, I decided to make a blog out of this and help you guys out.”
What are the steps when you start getting nervous before the date? It normally does happen more so in preparation for the date, because you’re waiting for it to happen. Your thoughts are ruminating in your head. So, I want to go over this because the prep is the most important. When you’re on the date, you start calming down a bit, but it’s mostly in the prep. If you prep yourself well, you’re normally okay. So, how do you prep for a date and reduce your nerves?
How do I stop overthinking on a first date?
Know your intent & goal
Number one, know your intent, know the goal. Too many times, people put such high expectations on themselves, that they miss the actual goal here. The goal is not to get her to like you. The goal is not to get a second date. The goal and the intent is to connect. Connect with her. What does that mean? Connecting with her is being able to understand who she is, her journey, how she got to where she is, not who she is, but how she got there.
And then in return, you relate to that. You connect with that. You connect with her journey. You share similarities, relations to what she’s been through, and why she does what she does. That’s what you connect on. You connect on values. The look at life. Not just your interest per se, like, “Oh, you both play soccer.” But it’s really about the journey of you guys getting there. When you can get that from her, you can relate to so much more.
And I hope you leave the date thinking, “Wow, I connected with her through humor, through passion, through ambition.” Those are what we want to connect on.
Number one in overcoming first date nerves, first and foremost, is not to give yourself such high expectations. That’s what really kills everything and really levels up the nerves. Just make sure and remember, the intent is to connect. Now go connect with her. That is it. Nothing else. Not getting a second date, not getting her to like you, not making sure that the chemistry in the text is the chemistry in person. No. The intent is to connect. That is number one.
How do I stop being insecure on a first date?
See her at your eye level
Number two, see her at your eye level. She is not above you. She is not on a pedestal. Most of the time, nerves are really created because you already are looking up at her. You’re looking at her as if she’s above you, better than you, especially when she’s very attractive and very pretty. You naturally are already doing that. Just remember, you are trying to find your person too. You are trying to find a person that you want to spend time with probably for the rest of your life. So, you need to approve and accept them as well.
Let her prove to you how she could be a great person for you, potentially. It’s not about you only proving yourself to her. So, know that. Put her at eye level and recognize that she’s just another person. “I don’t actually know her quite yet, so I’m just going to get to know this person. This woman who so far seems interesting.” Not, “Wow, she’s so great, she’s so attractive. I need her to like me.” It’s like when you go talk to a boss, you see them as above, and you get nervous. Nope. We want to make sure she’s right here.
I talk about that in my other video about being nervous around women, just women in general. So, I highly suggest, if you continuously feel nervous around women in general, to see my advice on that.
Don’t be hard on yourself
Number three is just to not be hard on yourself, and to remember, do your best. That is all you can do. Do your best. Be your best potential self. Show up in your best self. That’s all you can do. Do not put so much pressure on yourself to be perfect, to make sure you speak eloquently all the time and very articulate. Don’t put pressure on yourself to flirt the correct way and do everything and respond the exact correct way. We’re human.
I know you are not trying to date a robot and she’s not either. So, with that said, the only point I have if nerves come up on a date, if it does because you’re just feeling your body, own it. If you mess up, if you talk fast, if you stutter, if you blank out, if you get anxious, say it. You can own it. You can own it and say, “Wow, sorry, I really blanked it out there. Hold on a second. Let me think.” Own it.
If you talk really fast, you start stuttering, pause and say, “Whoa, whoa. I’m sorry. I know I just talked really fast right there. I got so excited. Can I back it up?” That’s endearing that shows you are a person. It just shows you’re human. And it’s really enduring. When a woman knows you’re a bit nervous around her or you’re really enjoying your time or that you feel awkward, you can own it, if you feel awkward, that’s a lot better.
Do women have first date nerves?
So, that way she’s not guessing what’s happening. She’s not looking at you fidgeting and shaking and not realizing what’s happening. But if you’re like, “Oh, man, I just all of a sudden, my heart started beating really, really fast. I got distracted by something over there. I’m so sorry. Let me just recoup really second.” Own it. If you get nervous on a date, give yourself just a couple of seconds and say that. But that is basically the third point, kind of meshed into nerves on a date.
Do not put so much pressure on yourself. Just remember to do your best. Show up in the best way possible, and whatever happens, happens. And if you like her, say so at the end, and you will see how she responds. That is it. Too many times, mainly the nerves come up because there’s so much pressure and expectation. Just do your best, and if you feel like you haven’t been doing your best, if you’re unaware of how to be on dates or how to flirt, you don’t know the strategies with any of this. If you don’t know what to do on these dates, then I highly suggest hopping on a call with me.
And this is obviously where I come in with my clients. My clients know the strategies. They feel like they just got to execute and do it. It’s not like they don’t know they have the knowledge. So, all it is is calming those nerves. But if you really don’t know how to date, if you don’t know how to talk about yourself or converse, it’s a little hard because you’re going in there confused, and that’s just going to leave the whole situation confused.
So let’s make sure you’re not confused!
I hope this topic helps you guys. Just remember, breathe, stay present, do your best, and more importantly, connect.