Let’s be honest, dating is difficult. It’s confusing, frustrating, and it’s the one area in almost everyone’s lives where it’s so easy to give up when nothing is working. So if you’ve been wondering if you should just give this up and let this go, this post is for you. I want to share with you steps to take to figure out when to give on dating & finding love.
Have trouble getting dates? Download your free 5-steps to quality dates ebook below
Get your free ebook here
Get my dating secrets gathered from over a decade of being in the field (as a couples therapist, matchmaker, coach, and previous work as an eHarmony lead).
Remember your why
Dating drives you to the edge at times and gets you asking questions like:
Is finding love even possible for me?
Is there even a woman out there close to what I’ve before?
Am I literally trying out of insanity?
Am I crazy person for continuously trying when should I just give up?
So the first suggestion I have for you is if you’ve been thinking about this for a long time is first remember your why. Ask yourself “why do I want love? Why do I want a long-term relationship? Why do I want marriage? Why do I want my own family?” Whatever your goal is, ask yourself the big WHY.
Be honest with yourself, really reflect, and ask yourself “Why do I have this sort of value? Why do I want this in my life? Did it come from someone else? Is it from society?” Trust me when I say everyone wants love for different reasons. It’s easy to answer this and say “doesn’t everyone?” Sure…everyone wants love, but why? I’ve heard many different reasons in my time. It’s time to challenge yourself to really dig within to be honest with your real answer.
Write it down & say it out loud
What’s really important about this is you don’t want to just think about it in your head, write it down. Say it out loud. Repeat it to yourself in the mirror. I know that sounds really silly, but you can tell how true it is when you take it out of your own head. It’s not like friends sit around in a circle and ask everybody “So, man, why do you want love?” (I mean, if your friends do…props to you!)
It’s important to know yours because your why is what gets you back up each time. Your why is what gets you through all the obstacles and difficult moments because you’re reminded of it’s worth. It reminds you that love never comes easy. No one ever said finding love is easy. Even if you think it’s easy because you see other people in relationships. Relationships aren’t easy either. But, finding love is always worth it.
Know your goal
When you wonder when to give up on dating & finding love, it’s crucial to remember your endgame, your goal. Knowing your why helps you see that. Even if you can’t imagine your long-term goal because you’ve never had it, it’s important to be honest about it. Note: think about when people say they want a particular dream job, they still shoot for it even though they’ve never had it before. It’s okay to want what you want
Your goal can be anything like because you believe in marriage, you want a family, or you want to live a fulfilling life. Living a fulfilling life means you want to share your adventures and your success with someone else by your side. It’s so much better than doing it all alone.
Can be alone vs. can’t be alone
I do want to note that there’s a difference between knowing that you can be alone versus you can’t be alone. It’s healthy if you just don’t want to live a life alone, you recognize it’s nice to have someone in your life. But, it’s not healthy if you can’t be alone, that’s co-dependency which leads to a toxic relationship. If you feel like you can’t live alone, make sure you try to really reflect on that. Find your independent self, ask yourself why you need someone so much.
It’s okay that you don’t want to be 50 years old and coming home to yourself everyday. To want to actually share your adventures with someone is completely healthy and okay. So knowing your why is incredibly important, take your time to reflect on this.
Know why you want this, hopefully that will push you to the second step.
Be confident you’ve tried everything you could
Before deciding when to give up on dating, ask yourself if you’ve really tried everything you could. Have you really tried, literally, everything under the sun? Use resources that could potentially help you in this. This includes reflecting on your own behaviors and how you affected the results. Because, let’s be real, the common factor is you.
Look within yourself, first
Look at your mindset, if you have a negative outlook, or insecurities. One of those may be the reason why success in dating is not happening. Ask yourself the hard question
“am I too afraid to be uncomfortable? Have I pushed myself out of my comfort zone enough?”
Following up on those questions, ask yourself how you’ve been utilizing resources. And by resources, I don’t mean just reading this blog. There’s obviously so many courses out there on online dating, confidence, attraction, how to talk to women, and more.
Invest in those courses. If you’ve been trying to get help in dating and you still want to take everything for free… I’m going to be honest, that’s not going to get you anywhere. Think about health and fitness! Many invest in a fitness coach, in gym classes, in weight management products. Why? Because it holds them accountable to actually follow through, get the work done, and of course, get you faster to your results. This kind of investment is incredibly important because you’re investing in yourself.
So, look at the resources out there!
Courses or hiring a coach
If you don’t know where to start, I have all my products as well. But, I will add a disclaimer that the problem with that is they’re created for the general public. You don’t have personal feedback, someone telling you what you’re doing wrong, and how to fix it that a coach does. But, I completely understand a personal coach is a high investment. If you can’t afford a coach, but you know that’ll really help you, then save up! You have control and the power to make things happen if you want to.
I’ve had many potential clients come to me at the brink of giving up, they’re aware that they’re missing something and want to do something they haven’t done yet. And the truth is, almost every person I’ve heard that is about ready to give up…have NOT tried everything. They’ve been just guessing, continuously left with confusion, and that’s what makes them want to give up. Ask for help and guidance! Asking for help is strong.
Give yourself time to make it happen
Make sure that you’ve literally given a 150% in this, and if you really feel like you’ve done everything you could, and you’ve given it time to do (because once again it takes time). After you get the courses, or you do coaching, give yourself a certain amount of time like 2-5 years to really try it out. Give yourself that time line, and if things still aren’t working out, then let it go.
Accepting letting it go
The most important thing if you get to that stage is accepting you’re letting it go. Are you really okay with letting it go? Decide for yourself what will allow you accept it’s okay to let go and feel at peace with it. Because honestly, you can choose to try for the rest of your life. People always think that age is a problem but I’ve had a 95 year old client before (yes, I mean it) so don’t think that age can ever stop you. You can, literally, keep trying for the rest of your life, until you find that right person. It’s up to you! But by that time if you’ve tried everything, you gave yourself a timeline, that time has passed, then accept you’ll let go.
For example, for women, they may prioritize having a family. They want to find that right person, so they’ll give it their best shot until they reach a certain age. At that point, many women accept they can’t find their partner to have a family with. But, they decide to have a baby on their own and be a single mother. It’s all about what they set as a value, that boundary, and that limit for themselves. So figure out what yours is!
Taking action brings hope
So if you’ve been feeling like giving up, I really really hope that you know that you can find that hope again for you. It’s not a dead end, quite yet. This is why I’m here 🙂 I’m here because I love seeing my clients find hope again. Those clients decided to invest in themselves so that they can get the results, the question is — are you ready to?
I know dating is hard, there’s no surprise there, I’ve seen it all! You think it may be easy for ladies out there, you think it may be easy for other people you see on the street, but it’s really not. You don’t know their story and other obstacles. It’s about understanding dating is tough, but choosing to make a change to make it work.
I love doing what I do because I hope to bring more love into this World and I hope to bring more hope into your life 🙂 But, I’m also aware that sometimes it’s too much and it’s okay if you decide to let go. It’s all up to you, you can decide this for yourself. Hope you find time to reflect on all of this and ask yourself “what should I do next?” This is your journey, do what’s best for you, and good luck!
If you’re stuck with finding quality dates to start with, download your free ebook on the 5-steps to get quality dates below
Get your free ebook here