Hey guys. Today, we’re talking about those dreadful texts. The ones that say, “I had such a great time with you, but I’m just not feeling the chemistry, I’m just not feeling the connection.” You guys know, texts like these:
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**Isn’t it kind of strange they all start with a “hey!”? Haha….**
Oh, and it gets so frustrating when you get those texts over and over because it’s so confusing. There’s nothing to work with when someone tells you they just don’t feel chemistry with you. It’s so much easier when someone rejects you because of a lifestyle choice, a value, or a personality trait because, at that point, there are only two directions here. It’s only one, you accept it, because you realize, “Yeah, you’re right. That is me. I realize that’s probably not compatible for both of us then.”
Or, you reflect and you realize, “Hmm, maybe that’s something for me to look at. Maybe it’s a habit that I can change,” and then it becomes a lesson. But when someone says, “There is no chemistry,” it’s nothing specific. There’s nothing for you to work on. And they always say, “You’re an awesome guy, though.” So, then you wonder, “What the heck? I’m an awesome guy, but there’s no chemistry?” So, it gets really tiresome, and confusing, and exhausting, and I’m here to talk about it.
In another video, I already talked about how to cultivate and create that chemistry for yourself. There is a way to create an environment where chemistry can potentially be built. This is more towards you. Because chemistry is important on both ends. I hope you know that. It isn’t necessary in a relationship. It’s not just about her, it’s about you. If you feel you struggle with feeling that chemistry or that spark with a girl, I suggest you watch that video.
But today, we’re talking about her. We’re talking about what it means when she says that, also if there are any preventative measures to not allow that to happen, and when she does say that, and she does send you that text, is there anything you can do at this point to figure out what you did wrong, what you could have done better? I’ll go through all that.
What Does It Really Mean?
The first question I will answer, which is a pretty simple answer is, what does it mean? What does it mean, when someone says there is no chemistry or spark or connection? That means there isn’t enough attraction, curiosity, intrigue, that desire to see the other person. It’s just lacking. That’s a part of relationships. Not just dating ship, but when you’re in a relationship, I hope you have the desire to see your partner. I hope you have that desire to be with them, maybe not every single minute of every day, but you definitely think of them. There’s that curiosity, that pulls to not only talk to them but to be next to them. That attraction, we want to kiss them, hold their hand, and cuddle them, have that intimate level, there’s this natural magnet. That’s what it is.
The reason why it’s so hard to measure is that it either happens internally and naturally or it doesn’t. It is not switched on or off. If it was, dating would be so easy and everybody could do that for you. That’s not the case. That is why there is a way to try your best to cultivate it, but it can only go so far. You can’t force it. So, that’s what it means. All it means is that pull, and that desire, that wants to cuddle, to be with that person all the time to talk to them constantly.
Now, of course, there’s a difference between attraction and infatuation, which is another topic we won’t get into, but it is similar to that.
You’re feeling that pull with them. Every time you talk to them, there are those fireworks that go off, there’s that gut, the butterflies in your stomach, and it stays. That is also what happens in a healthy relationship.
Ask What she Values in a Connection
Now, is there anything you can do to create it for her? Similar to my other video about how to cultivate chemistry for yourself? The best way you can try your best to cultivate chemistry is, let’s say by a first date. You are not too sure if she’s feeling like chemistry with you. It’s a good day, but you can’t tell because she’s not being too flirty, she’s not very close to you. So, you’re not too sure if the chemistry is there. What’s important on the first date is to ask her what she really values in a connection and ask her about maybe even previous dates, what happened there, and trying to better understand of what ignites her, what excites her, and what kind of dynamic does she really enjoy and fall into in previous relationships.
Now, this is not saying you have to dive into serious relationship talk on a first date. It’s just more about how has been your dating journey so far, how’s online dating been for you, and just asking her questions about what really excites her when she’s with someone.
Even if she starts talking about friends, that matters too because you do have chemistry with friends as well. Maybe not the super romantic kind, but there’s something that ignites you. If you start trying to embed those questions and understand what gets her really excited, then on the second or third date, do your best to create an environment to see if you have that quality, she’s looking forward to ignite, and excite her, and draw that desire. See if you have that even within your own personality. If she says she loves a masculine competitive guy, who just knows what he wants at times, and that really is attractive to her, put yourself in a game setting at an arcade and see if you have that within you. Honestly, if you know you don’t, then it’s okay. You don’t want to force chemistry.
So, that’s one way to prevent it. You’re just trying to switch up your environment on dates. Do not do the same date over and over. No dinner, lunch, walks all the time. You’ve got to switch it up a little bit to see if there’s any ignition of that kind of curiosity and excitement. That’s a preventative measure you can take so just listen to her, ask questions, see if you can cultivate that, flirt with her a bit more and see if that draws anything for her.
Ask for Clarification
Then, let’s say it just doesn’t work, and that’s fine. Once again, it’s not something you can force as long as you know you tried your best. Let’s say she does send you that “there’s no chemistry” text. At this point, we know she decided not to respond. We already know you have nothing to lose. The best thing you can do is send a text and ask her for clarifications. Sending a text like this:
All you’re doing is saying that you understand what she’s coming from, and you want to just seek some clarity for your own journey in the future. You just want to ask her, what do you mean by there is no connection, what part of our connection was missing? Or, is there anything you can let me know of how that chemistry didn’t happen for you? Is there part of me that you feel was missing to even make that chemistry happen? Ask questions like that and see. She may respond with a really helpful answer like this below, a real continuation of the text chain from above:
He had no idea that maybe they didn’t share the same values. That’s something for him to pay attention to in the future. But what I’m trying to say is, don’t just give up there, don’t just throw in the towel, and get more and more mad. At this point, you have nothing to lose and just ask her if there is anything specific you can not only just work with but better understand.
You can even say, “I thought we had a great time.” If you’re really confused, you can say, “I thought we had a really good time, and I’m just really confused. So, I just waynted to see, clarity. Is there something that you’re looking for that I’m missing?” Quite honestly, what’s the worst that can happen? She doesn’t answer, that’s really it. If you’re asking politely, she’s either going to not answer, answer, or just tell you, “I don’t know,” which is fine. That just means that she really doesn’t know.
If that becomes the case every time, then quite honestly at the end of the day, this is all dating is. All dating is going through these dates and finding that one person that sparks it for you. That’s it. As long as you have a good date that people aren’t rude to you or just awful, but if you feel like you’re really doing your best and cultivating this kind of environment, you know how to flirt, you know how to do all this, but you know that chemistry is just not there for her or you, that’s dating. But know that as long as you’ve tried your best and tried everything you could, that’s the best you can do.
I hope that helps. This is a little bit longer of a blog than most, but I feel like it’s an important topic. I hope this helps you. Once again, don’t be afraid to ask for clarity, and don’t be afraid to ask those questions.
Going on a date with a positive mindset is one of the main components. Find out below how you’d be able to overcome your internal barriers that have got in your way of dating. Find out here!