Let’s go over the 3 big dating mindset shifts that will help get you dating success. These shifts can be utilized for any other area in your life. Honestly, I was really inspired to do this video because I recently fractured my arm. As I was adjusting and going through the pains of what happened, I realized that I was using a lot of mindset shifts that I was telling my clients all the time. So, I got inspired to do this video, and I hope it will help you, not just in dating, but in other areas.
Because your dating mindset is really important, it’s what really drives you to success in any area of your life. I hope this really stands out to you, and I hope you practice the tools given. It’s one of those undercover barriers that we don’t recognize or pay attention to, or even acknowledge a lot of the times, but that is the one thing that will create progress for you.
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1. Focusing on What You Can Control
The first of the dating mindset shifts is focus on what you can control. Remember, that you have control, that’s all we can really do. It’s very easy to go into a negative spiral when we feel we’ve lost control and when we ask all these sorts of questions, and we don’t realize that we’re not even doing anything. The only way we can do something is to remember and ask ourselves,
“What do I have control over?”
“What can I do right now that will help me move a little bit forward in the direction I want to go to?”
Especially in dating, when you have another person involved, it’s very easy to get sucked into only thinking of what that other person might be thinking, why that person would do this. At the end of the day, we can’t control them. All we can control is ourselves, our own feelings, our own reactions, our own behaviors.
Remember, it’s the number one dating mindset shift, “What do you have control over?” I didn’t have control over two fractures in my arms. So, what can I do now to make sure that I continue forward in my everyday life with this year? Because to sulk and to blame and to be negative about that just happened isn’t going to help anybody. Only focus what do you have control over and only do that.
2. Ask Yourself the Right Questions
It actually leads into the second of the dating mindset shifts, and that is…ask yourselves the right questions, knowing that you have the answer. Let me explain that a little bit. Once again, relating and relaying off of what I just said, it’s really easy to question the other lady, be confused about what you want, be indecisive about that. What happens is you start making a lot of statements, “Women are awful.” “Women always just don’t respond like this.” “I don’t know, I don’t know any of this.” “I don’t know the answer.” “I’m just confused.” You’re making all these statements. What that doesn’t do is help you be productive and take action to actually get your answer. A lot of it is because you feel like you don’t know the answer.
A shift there is ask yourself the right questions. Instead of making these blank statements and instead of saying, “I don’t know,” really think to yourself and allow yourself to have the space to know. If you think about it, if you keep saying, “I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know,” do you really think that’s going to help you get an answer? It’s not. It just narrows down the potential of you even believing in yourself to find that answer. When you sit back and just think, “Okay, wait, I can find my answer. I can find it.” If it’s a question about yourself, like what you want, or you’re confused on what you should do, you know the answer. No one knows you better than yourself. You know the answer.
You know the answer
The moment you shift your language into thinking, “I know the answer, so let me think about it,” you’ll realize all these possibilities start opening up in your mind. You’ll start to realize, “Okay, let me ask myself the right kind of questions. What do I want? What is it that I’m looking for here? Why does it hurt me so much? What can I do?” Back to the control concept… “What can I do to help myself here and make sure that doesn’t happen again?”
When you don’t know what she means
Then, if you’re asking yourself, “Why does it take so long to respond?” “Why are women so materialistic?” know you can get your answer. How? By asking her.
I get so many questions about what women think, what women mean, what that woman you’re dating really means by her actions, and I keep repeating the same answer, which is, “I don’t really know.” I can maybe draw up some conclusions, but once again, that’s an assumption because I don’t know her. The only way you can get your answer is by asking her. How to ask, because that’s really important, that’s in another video. For mindset shift wise, just remember, stop making those statements that don’t get you anywhere. Ask the right questions to get your answer and then take action to get your answer and know it’s okay to do so.
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3. Practice Reframing
The third of the dating mindset shifts is… it’s really important to practice reframing. Reframing is a shifting of a perspective of a situation. This is really, really big, because we give ourselves a narrative. We actually create the narratives of everything in our lives. When a situation happens, it is under our control to define it, or to drag us down for the rest of our life, or build us up and make us resilient, is our power. The only way that we actually create that for ourselves is when we look at it in another perspective, if it was negative.
If you’re putting negativity on online dating, because you tried it once, and it didn’t work, and then you say online dating sucks, or online dating is full of scammers, I challenge you to take those negative beliefs and give it another perspective. I’m not asking you to be positive or optimistic. It’s literally about seeing reality in another point of view. That’s realizing that online dating did not work in that one experience you had. What is it that you have control over? What is it that you can do to make it better? Try again. That one experience is not an absolute truth.
Making something an absolute truth is something to be careful of. “Oh, all women are materialistic.” I’m pretty sure if you actually say those things out loud, you know it is not the absolute truth, because you don’t know all women out there. That’s also saying your sister, your mother, your friend’s wife who seems a great person, they’re all materialistic. They’re all awful people that you can’t trust. I’m pretty sure you know, it’s just not the case. Reframing is so important because it allows you to just see there is another story here that I don’t know. Realizing that there is another story you don’t know, challenges you to get your answer, making this one of the biggest dating mindset shifts. That’s all we can do
Dating mindset shifts can impact other areas
Those are the three dating mindset shifts! I hope they’re really helpful. Once again, they can be used for other areas in your life. I definitely use that as I’m trying to adjust to this fractured arm. So, know that in the next videos, you’ll keep seeing this strap on me, but I’m doing my best. I’m remembering what I have control over. Always trying to ask the right questions to me when I feel really stuck, and I’m trying to reframe it. I’m not trying to sulk on this and be mad about it. It happened. I’m seeing all the great things it’s showing me, like mindfulness, and being grateful for limbs that we have that we don’t even look at every day. Know that these are really important, and I hope you really take it to heart, really reflect on yourself, and really start shifting your mindset.
In order to improve your dating journey you must learn various conversation techniques, however, unless you have the right mindset. Your mindset entails the idea that there are a lot of quality women out there even if you struggle with your dating journey.
Click here to guide you to reframe your mindset.