Seriously, “Why you’re still single?”. Do you hear these words most of the time? It’s a vulnerable topic and wanted to answer this in the best way I know how. This isn’t best to just write my blog or message in an email. Because I do feel that I am a better speaker, especially if I talk about something so vulnerable and close to your heart.
I think it is better for me to come on video and talk to you this way, especially when it’s about the three reasons why you are single. I suggest watching the low-quality (haha, such bad lighting and my hair is a mess) video for this answer. If you prefer, below is a transcription of the video.
“Is there no girl out there for me?”
That’s what they feared…
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3 reasons why you’re single
Allowing fear to overcome how much you want the goal
Now, I bet, if you may have read the topic addressing why you’re still single and thought, “Excuse me, what is she trying to tell me? This is heartbreaking. This is hurtful.” I don’t mean for it to be that way and I hope it just caught your attention. I feel that awareness of the reason why you’re probably still stuck in this spot is that you’re not aware of the barriers. If you know me, in all my training, and if you’ve ever worked with me, I always go through barriers and blocks first, because if we don’t overcome that, how can you get progress? How can you actually level up and grow? Let’s get to it!
What is the reason why I am still single?
The first reason why you’re still single is because of your fear. I still see a lot of people stuck in this kind of, I don’t want to say lonely, but yeah, in a lonely spot is because you’re letting fear overcome how much you want that goal. You’re letting fear get in the way of potentially getting that. A lot of people don’t even try because the fear is so big.
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This could be fear of rejection, probably mostly, and this could be fear of uncertainty. You don’t know what’s going to happen. I always hear it with people before they join or work with me. It’s scary, because, yes, I can’t guarantee a girlfriend, so you don’t even know what’s going to come out of it. You just know my work with you, but you don’t know the results. You don’t want to potentially feel that pain, which comes up to point number two…
Allow your past to make an impact on your present
A lot of the reasons why a lot of people stay single or are stuck in that spot are because they have a painful past and are letting that past be their block. That past pain could be from trying online dating, and you’ve gotten scammed or catfished. Maybe you’ve approached women offline, then they roll their eyes at you, and they don’t even pay attention to you. It hurts. It really hurts.
Or, you were maybe in a really bad relationship, whether that be six or seven years, whether that be for three months, but it was a relationship or a marriage that meant a lot to you. That experience was so painful that you don’t want to probably be in that again. So, the thought of dating again is great, but what if that happens again? Because the fear of that pain of the past is so overwhelming, and it’s so big, you don’t want to do it again, because you don’t want to get hurt. Stop allowing that fear to run your life!
Why is it so hard to be single?
Your mindset: The perspective you give to your situation
Point number three, on the reasons why you’re still single, is because of your own mindset. It’s about what you’re telling yourself, and how you are viewing all of this. I hear a lot of why things won’t work. I’m pretty sure as you’re probably reading my emails, or even reading/listening to this, you’re already thinking of the million reasons why it won’t work.
Let me be real….you’re still single because you’re putting yourself in that place already in your mindset. You are manifesting your own reality. If you keep looking for ways it won’t work and complaining about your situation, it won’t work. You will not be successful in finding love. That’s me being real. As you can see, I’m a very real and honest person. But if you keep thinking that, that’s what’s going to happen.
Challenge your mindset, start reframing
I challenge you to reframe your mindset and ask, “How can this work?” Instead of thinking and reading through blogs or articles and books and thinking, “This won’t work for me. How can it not work for me?” Think, “How can it work for me?” “What do I need to do to make this work for me?” “What do I need to overcome to make this work for me?” That’s all it takes.
What do you need to do to make this work? If it’s overcoming the fear, how are you going to overcome that fear? If you don’t know how, you found me! I’m a resource, you can ask me, don’t be afraid to. I don’t bite. I feel I’m pretty friendly 🙂
Is it normal to still be single?
Overcome the barriers
It’s normal to be single, and there are a lot of single people out there, some prefer to be single, but if you don’t want to be single for the rest of your life and just want to have a relationship, you should overcome the obstacles that stand in your way. After all of that, I’m discussing this because I want to give you hope. I want you to know that you can do this. You just have to try, trying something different because here’s the thing…if you try, you have the potential to get to your goal. You have that potential of that happiness that you’ve been looking for. If you don’t try at all, it’s not going to happen.
A lot of people are afraid of failure, just like how I am in many areas of my life (I’m human, too!). But I’ve realized that if I don’t try, I’ve already failed. I’m not going to ever, ever get that goal I’ve always wanted. But if at least I try, and if I fail, I get back up, and I adjust. Those who do that are the ones that find success at the end of all of this.
Maybe they’ve tried other things and it didn’t work, and now that’s why they found me and are trying something different. All I ask is that you try, it could be as simple as asking a question on my Ask Ruby Love Form, asking my group a question in my free Facebook group, responding to my emails, and telling me, “What’s so scary?” Or, what is a concern of yours, and let me help you through that.
Ask yourself “What is the worse that can happen?”
I want to leave you with this because this is actually something that one of my clients posted in his video testimonial that I think will help a lot of you. A great tool to help shift your mindset is “What is the worst that can happen?” “What is the worst that can happen if I started working with Ruby?” That’s what he asked himself. You know what his answer was? It was,
“I would have learned a lot. Even though through the process, I may get rejected, it may happen, but I know with her insight and her knowledge that I am learning more about myself, and I’m going to progress as a person. And it’s a self-improvement investment for me.” Even though I’m investing this dollar amount, which is, yes, a lot. I know, I’m very aware. I’m very aware of that, but that’s also why I work hard for you, too, because I know what you’re sacrificing and I know how scary this is. I’m here to support you in that.
The worst that can happen is, well, you gain me as a coach. Hopefully, I’m not the worst 🙂 Really, the worst that can happen is you improve as a person and you learn a lot more about dating and women. Even though you don’t walk out with a girlfriend, you would have learned so much about yourself, and is that such a bad thing? I hope not.
Will I ever find a partner?
I hope you can see my main message in this and what I’m saying, I hope you keep trying. I know dating is tough. It’s a tough world out there, but I’m here to support you, and this is my passion, and this is what I love to do. My mission is to really lessen one less lonely person. One less lonely, good person, good heart out there and help them out. If you have any questions, please feel free to email us (at [email protected]). There are a ton of people willing to help and that’s what I’m here for!
Confidence isn’t about the guarantee of success, it’s the belief that success is achievable. You can be confident in yourself and your ability to change, grow and improve, without having banged dozens first.If you’re having a difficult time figuring out how to gain confidence, click here to learn more.