What is the difference between attraction and infatuation, or lust (is what some people call it)? This situation comes up more often when I’m talking to clients, and they’re dating this girl continuously and doing a lot of things for her. When they come to me and say they’re “attracted to them,” I ask them, “What attracts you to her?”, they can’t really say except that they just have this magnet. It’s like a magnet that is drawing them to this girl. That’s when I would ask them back, “Are you attracted or are you infatuated?” That’s where this video is coming into play and my inspiration for it. So, let’s figure out the difference here.
Have trouble getting dates? Download your free 5-steps to quality dates ebook below
Get your free ebook here
Get my dating secrets gathered from over a decade of being in the field (as a couples therapist, matchmaker, coach, and previous work as an eHarmony lead).
Attraction vs. Infatuation
Before we actually figure out the difference, let’s talk about what they have in common. They really only have one big thing in common. There’s obviously that magnet that is there. Attraction, infatuation, that magnet that draws you to that person, you naturally have this desire to see them, hold them, be with them. You can’t explain it. It’s not something you can touch. You just have this feeling and where you want to be close to them, near them whenever you can. That’s a healthy thing. Honestly, in a long-term relationship, when you still have that, that’s a great thing.
You want a relationship where you get excited to see that person, no matter how long you’ve been together. I would say so. So, that’s one thing, of course, they have in common and that’s not a bad thing. I’m engaged, and I still get excited to see my fiancé every day, even though we’ve been dating for years. That hasn’t stopped.
What is Attraction?
So, what is the difference then? Attraction is when you are not only sexually attracted to them, that has to be there for all relationships, but you can tell me exactly the traits and the characteristics she has that have ignited more than desire. It’s not just the way she looks, the way she dresses, or the way she even carries herself. It’s the way she talks about her job and talks about her friends and family, how much she cares for them. It’s her actions that she takes every day to be a better person, or it’s her adventurous side, her adaptable side.
All those traits, all of them within her make you even more drawn to her and makes you feel like you can be continuously not only excited but safe and feeling like she is home. I know that sounds really cheesy, but that’s what it is.
You are attracted to someone when you can give me a list of 10 things you enjoy about that person. But also, a part of that list should be how they treat you. That’s an important part of the list too. So, yes, there’s that sexual attraction. I would hope there’s that there, it’s important. But there are also the characteristics that she has to appreciate. But also, a part of that is that way she treats you and that makes you feel once again safe and home, but you also still have an excitement because you enjoy her personality, her energy, every activity you do with her only gets better, and it only adds to the experience. And of course, that intimacy, emotional and physical, is there. When you have that, that is true, great raw attraction.
Infatuation or Lust
Now, infatuation or lust, honestly, it’s purely based on that sexual magnet, that sexual desire. Because when you saw her face, you are already thinking, “Wow, she’s gorgeous. She’s hot. She’s sexy,” whatever it is, and it almost makes you nervous to a point, even though, she didn’t say anything.
Now, this is why I’ve always said, it’s actually really dangerous to be that early on sexually attracted to someone because you can get so fazed by it, that you change. You don’t know what you’re doing because you’re hypnotized by this kind of attraction so you start changing. You don’t even realize you’re not even learning much about her. You’re just in awe of her beauty. An unfortunate thing about that is that’s how people get into toxic relationships when they get taken advantage of when they get emotionally drained and exhausted, and they don’t even realize it.
Start to reflect
My question to you, when you’re struggling with this difference (or if not, save this question for the future) is asking yourself, what are you attracted to? Not just that, some people get can get lost in that too, but how does she treat you? It needs to be an equal exchange here. A lot of times, a man can say that this woman who he is infatuated by, has all these great things going on for her and that’s why he loves it.
But when he has to reflect on how she treats him, it’s not the greatest. He recognizes he does all the work, he recognizes that he does pay for everything, he recognizes that he doesn’t get anything ever in return. It’s always on her way or no way. Really start to reflect and look at that. But that is the biggest difference. One is truly about who that person wholly is and then the other is simply a sexual kind of magnet is what I call it. Once again, if you ever feel that way and you’re not too sure, just reflect and ask yourself those questions, but mainly see how she treats you.
I hope this topic helps and clears that up, and I hope you find the person that you’re attracted to and she’s attracted to you right back because that is what you deserve. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this blog.
Being conventionally attractive has its benefits but if you are having a hard time pinpointing exactly what are the attractive traits, I’d be glad to show you how to find your exact attractive traits through a logically and efficient way.
Find out here!