Attraction vs. Infatuation: Do I like her?

What is the difference between attraction and infatuation, or lust (is what some people call it)? This situation comes up more often when I’m talking to clients, and they’re dating this girl continuously and doing a lot of things for her. When they come to me and say they’re “attracted to them,” I ask them, “What attracts you to her?”, they can’t really say except that they just have this magnet. It’s like a magnet that is drawing them to this girl. That’s when I would ask them back, “Are you attracted or are you infatuated?” That’s where this video is coming into play and my inspiration for it. So, let’s figure out the difference here.

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Attraction vs. Infatuation

Before we actually figure out the difference, let’s talk about what they have in common. They really only have one big thing in common. There’s obviously that magnet that is there. Attraction, infatuation, that magnet that draws you to that person, you naturally have this desire to see them, hold them, be with them. You can’t explain it. It’s not something you can touch. You just have this feeling where you want to be close to them, near them whenever you can. That’s a healthy thing. Honestly, in a long-term relationship, when you still have that, that’s a great thing.

You want a relationship where you get excited to see that person, no matter how long you’ve been together. I would say so. So, that’s one thing, of course, they have in common and that’s not a bad thing. I’m engaged, and I still get excited to see my fiancé every day, even though we’ve been dating for years. That hasn’t stopped.

 

How do you know if it’s just infatuation?

So, what is the difference then? Attraction is when you are not only sexually attracted to them, that has to be there for all relationships, but you can tell me exactly the traits and the characteristics she has that have ignited more than desire. It’s not just the way she looks, the way she dresses, or the way she even carries herself. It’s the way she talks about her job and talks about her friends and family, how much she cares for them. It’s her actions that she takes every day to be a better person, or it’s her adventurous side, her adaptable side.

All those traits, all of them within her make you even more drawn to her and makes you feel like you can be continuously not only excited but safe and feeling like she is home. I know that sounds really cheesy, but that’s what it is.

You are attracted to someone when you can give me a list of 10 things you enjoy about that person. But also, a part of that list should be how they treat you. That’s an important part of the list too. So, yes, there’s that sexual attraction. I would hope there’s that there, it’s important. But there are also the characteristics that she has to appreciate. But also, a part of that is that way she treats you and that makes you feel once again safe and home, but you also still have an excitement because you enjoy her personality, her energy, every activity you do with her only gets better, and it only adds to the experience. And of course, that intimacy, emotional and physical, is there. When you have that, that is true, great raw attraction.

 

What is an example of infatuation?

Now, infatuation or lust, honestly, it’s purely based on that sexual magnet, that sexual desire. Because when you see her face, you are already thinking, “Wow, she’s gorgeous. She’s hot. She’s sexy,” whatever it is, and it almost makes you nervous to a point, even though, she didn’t say anything.

Now, this is why I’ve always said, it’s dangerous to be that early on sexually attracted to someone because you can get so fazed by it, that you change. You don’t know what you’re doing because you’re hypnotized by this kind of attraction so you start changing. You don’t even realize you’re not even learning much about her.

You’re just in awe of her beauty. An unfortunate thing about that is that’s how people get into toxic relationships when they get taken advantage of when they get emotionally drained and exhausted, and they don’t even realize it.

 

How do I know if I feel attraction?

Start to reflect

My question to you, when you’re struggling with this difference (or if not, save this question for the future) is asking yourself, what are you attracted to? Not just that, some people can get lost in that too, but how does she treat you? There needs to be an equal exchange here. A lot of times, a man can say that this woman with whom he is infatuated, has all these great things going on for her and that’s why he loves it.

But when he has to reflect on how she treats him, it’s not the greatest. He recognizes he does all the work, he does pay for everything, and he recognizes that he doesn’t get anything ever in return. It’s always on her way or no way. Start to reflect and look at that. But that is the biggest difference. Truly understanding who that person is constitutes one aspect, while the other merely involves being a sexual magnet, as I like to call it.  If uncertain, reflect, ask questions, and observe her behavior. I trust this discussion clarifies your thoughts. I hope you find someone you’re attracted to, and I hope she shares your feelings because that’s what you deserve.