Am I annoying or bothering her? This question may seem to be bothering you. Honestly, this is a very common worry that can come at any stage in dating. It could be when you want to interact with someone offline, it could be when you’re online dating, it could be when you’re texting.
This worry comes up at any given point. So, I want to make sure I talk about this, because it’s a very common worry for a lot of my clients, rightfully so, because you don’t want to make someone feel that way. Even if you’re not intentionally doing so, you just want to make sure they’re having an overall good experience. So, let’s get into figuring out if you are bothering or annoying her. The first thing I want to talk about and an action step for you to see if you’re actually bothering her or annoying her is observing her.
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Are you bothering or annoying her?
You guys, I’m pretty sure if you really think about it, it becomes quite obvious when someone doesn’t want to talk to you. They give you one-word answers. They don’t respond at all. With text messaging, they completely disappear. They don’t answer you for days.
When you’re speaking with them in person, they seem really distracted. They’re looking away. They’re not giving you any sort of information to have a conversation. It is very obvious when someone is simply not wanting to continue a conversation with you. It actually becomes quite obvious.
Normally, when my clients have this worry, none of those signs are showing. They’re just naturally worried about it. So, be careful of overthinking. Be really careful of nit-picking every little things and transforming it into thinking she’s being bothered.
If she’s texting you and says, “I’m going to be busy for a bit because I have this really big interview.” Similar to this screenshot my client sent below:
Even if it is the next couple of weeks, she states that she’s busy, I hope that doesn’t rigger you to think “Oh, no, should I not text her, because I might bother her?” Similar to my client’s text below. He shared his thoughts after receiving the above text
I will tell you this now…..No, don’t go too far to assume she wants you to text differently. She’s just simply telling you about what’s happening in her life. If you look at the above text she sent, she’s just:
- Sharing an update of how her work and giving him insight into what she’s working on
- Yes, she rescheduled — but she didn’t just leave it there. She actually had a specific weekend “You mind moving our lunch to next weekend?” She did NOT give a vague response like “I’ll be busy for the next weeks, let’s re-schedule at some point”
And that actually leads to number two.
Be observant of her behavior
It’s Important during a date to observe her behavior. If you just observe, once again, it is obvious. It’s obvious because here’s the thing, Every person, just like you, has the right and the power to walk away, to say no, to say they don’t want to talk, to not answer you.
I’m pretty sure you’ve been in conversations before with people you just don’t get along with, you don’t want to have a conversation with. So, what do you do? You disengage and fall back. You don’t really ask questions, because, at the end of the day, we all have the power to control our own behaviors and our own actions.
So, just know that women don’t want to talk to you. They don’t. They just don’t. If they are cold to you just say “thank you for your time” and walk way too. If you ever feel confused about it (specifically for someone you’re actively texting or dating), you can ask her.
Be honest and ask
So, going back to the example, if a woman says she’s going to be busy for the next couple of weeks and you don’t want to bother her, so you want to understand how much you can text her if you can still date, ask. Ask. If she says, she’s going to be really busy studying for an exam and needs a little space right now, ask her what that means.
Ask her, “Is it okay if I text you in a couple of days, or is it okay if we still text or see each other? I just want to be clear.” That’s it. Just be honest and ask. Do not take one thing and transform it into something else. All of a sudden think you’re bothering her. If you don’t know, just ask her.
Once again, you’d be surprised by how honest people are. The reality is, if you don’t want to bother that girl in the grocery store, you ask her a question, if she doesn’t want to be bothered, guess what, she’s going to say so. She’s going to say, “Sorry, too busy, I can’t answer you,” or she’ll walk away. Remember that people have that power.
If they don’t really show that, if they’re actually talking to you and they’re responding to you and they’re asking questions and they seem pretty lively and they reciprocating it, don’t think too much into it. Don’t self-sabotage. That’s what tends to happen with this kind of worry.
Take everything for what it is and continue the conversation. If you don’t know or if you’re confused and what it means, ask. That is it.
Reflect on your own behavior
The last point I want to make with number three is reflecting on your own behaviors. Ask yourself. Ask yourself if you have this kind of desire to text her all the time, to wonder what she’s doing…ask yourself, where is that coming from? Is it coming from a negative emotion of fear, desperation, need? Honestly, only someone can feel bothered if they feel very suffocated and pressured.
Normally, that only happens when you, yourself, you’re feeling those negative emotions and this feeling then creates this kind of reaction. Where you’re bombarding her with all these texts and you’re asking her a bunch of questions, “Where are you? You’re busy, huh? Why aren’t you answering me? That’s rude of you not to respond to me,” — Basically, pushing for an answer NOW.
Most of you guys, most of my clients don’t do that. You always err on the side of really respecting someone’s time. But I just want to share with you that’s normally the kind of actions that start bothering women. Personally invading questions like “where do you live?” is so crossing boundaries but, I don’t think you guys would ask that. Questions coming from a reactive place most likely will bother her. Just remember, it’s important to reflect on yourself and your behaviors.
It’s about how you see yourself
Do you feel like you’re a bother? What is your intent? Do you feel like you’re an annoying person? If you think that, that’s something internal for you to work out and not for you to worry if someone thinks that because at the end of the day, we’re humans and everyone or someone is going to misinterpret and misunderstand us. What’s important is for you to ask yourself.
When you’re asking these questions, you’re curious. Wondering these things about her? the intent, you want to get to know her. When you’re texting her good luck on your interview or exam, your intent? you’re just wanting to give a positive note to her.
If that’s the case, you’re fine. You are fine. If she doesn’t like that, then that means she’s just not compatible with you. But you’re not doing it coming from a place of trying to suffocate her or be clingy to her.
So, if you really feel like you are simply approaching this woman, because you’re curious about her and you want to ask her what her thoughts are on this product that you’re looking at, don’t worry about being a bother. It’s more important to remember what your intent is to feel confident in that.
I hope that helps alleviate the kind of worry about if you’re feeling, like if you’re a bother or not, just know and remember this, reflect on yourself and if you ever feel confused, ask her. And then, as I said, as the first point noted, it is obvious. If someone doesn’t want to talk to you, they will not talk to you.
If you tend to overthink, over analyze, and question everything, then it’s key to work on your mindset. Let me help you shift your perspective so you can continue conversing with her without hitting any snags
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