Today we’re going to be talking about what text you should send when she stops responding to you after you’ve asked her out. So let’s paint this scenario..you’ve been texting this girl awhile, there’s been great back and forth. There’s been great conversation. She’s obviously responding to you very positively with great response time. So you figured it’s time to transition and ask her out (remember, this could be to a video or phone, not just in-person date. Up to you)
But, something odd happens. When you finally asked, she stops responding. What happened?! This is so weird to you because she was responding so well before, why wouldn’t she respond? So you wonder, did I just get ghosted? What went wrong. Is there anything I can do to save this? Let me answer that for you.
Have trouble getting dates? Download your free 5-steps to quality dates ebook below
Get your free ebook here
Get my dating secrets gathered from over a decade of being in the field (as a couples therapist, matchmaker, coach, and previous work as an eHarmony lead).
Don’t jump to conclusions
The first thing I want to say in regards to this is being very careful of jumping to conclusions when you don’t get a response right away. When she stops responding to you after you ask her out, it’s easy to panic, feel irritated, and confused. You start thinking of all these possibilities of what could have gone wrong, but they come from an angry place. Most men start start concluding:
She’s just not interested in me anymore. She’s ghosting me. She must not care for me. She was using me for as a text buddy.
If you draw a negative conclusion quickly, I challenge you to view the other perspectives there could be. There really could be other reasons she didn’t respond to you. It’s actually more important to look at yourself and know what you have control over. The best you can do in this scenario is think “is there anything else I can do? Is there anything else I can do to get an answer or to figure out what went wrong?”
Yes, there is something you can do and that’s why I’m here to share it with you! So that’s the first thing, so making sure that you don’t react too quickly and throw in the towel. If she just didn’t respond to you, know that it is not a dead end yet! If you wonder if you’ve been ghosted, you most likely haven’t. You can read more about ghosting here.
Double check your transition is good
The second thing I want to talk about when she stops responding to you, to start answering “what did I do wrong?” You want to make sure that your transition is good. The way you asked for her number or the way you ask for the date is incredibly important to getting the “yes.” I’ll tell you right now, if you just transitioned abruptly during your conversation (like “so…what’s your number?”), most women will step back, hesitate, and probably not answer you. Make sure you learn about a great transition that will give you the higher chance of her responding and saying yes.
Send this text
So if you double checked and know your transition is good, you take the next step. When she stops responding after you ask her out, it mostly means she’s not sure how to answer and she forgot to answer. It’s okay to send a text to follow up and check in!
After half a day or a day of her not responding, send he ra text. The text should acknowledge what you said before, then coming from a place of concern or care, and doing a check-in. If you come from a place of wondering “did I do something wrong?” and wanting to dig into the problem, you can easily slip into interrogation questions like “where did you go? Why did you stop answering me? What’s wrong?” And that’s not the best approach. There won’t be any ladies that would receive it very well.
A more respectful text to send follows this format:
- Acknowledge what you asked of her and how it could’ve been out of bounds – “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable in any way by asking you to meet in-person”
- Reiterate your intention – “I have loved talking to you so far and I just want to get to know you more.”
- Invite her thoughts/check-in – “If you don’t want to meet in person, I’m open to other Alternatives also we can just do a face. How are you feeling?”
Many times women really hesitate if they think that you are only giving them one option and that’s the only option you want, but what if they’re not comfortable with it? And so they wander “should I even answer and say I’m uncomfortable? I don’t know how he’s going to react to that.” So when you give the option by adding to your preferred meeting method with a “if you want to do a video call, I’m okay too!” It allows the woman to know you’re flexible. It’s all about making sure there is trust and rapport built. When you offer the alternatives, allowing open and honest communication, with care….she will feel more enticed to answer.
This is where you’ll be able to understand the woman more because they feel more comfortable to say something like
If she says something similar to the above, it’s important to follow up with a sort of timeline so that she knows you’re not just looking to continue texting forever. That way, it won’t feel odd or pressuring if you ask her again the week after or the week after. A text similar to this:
It’s important to do this so you’re not wasting your time.
And that’s it, that’s the text to send ! When she stops responding after you ask her out, you do want to send a follow up text and it’s that simple.
Remember to understand what is going on, see if you can get her thoughts from her about any alternatives that she wants to do if she doesn’t feel comfortable with what you offered, and make sure she sees that you do care. Women want to know you care, women want to see you’re trying to come from a place of understanding. And if you see their pain, that really stands out to women when you have the ability to empathize.
Many women may not have felt uncomfortable, they may have just forgotten to respond. But, by playing it safe and making sure you apologize if boundaries are crossed, it’s transparent to her that you didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable. Allowing her to see your perspective will have her thinking, “oh, my gosh. Okay, that’s really sweet. I didn’t think of that at all. I just had something else going on. Okay, let me answer”
Don’t ever be be afraid to follow up and get your answer, as long as you’re coming from a place of care and understanding, offering to hear her thoughts, you’ll be okay. And, of course, if she doesn’t respond to you after that, then let it go. Obviously that woman was looking for a pen pal, just someone to text, and you made the move as you should have.
I always suggest to ask her out within seven days and if she doesn’t respond to you a second time, let it go. You didn’t do anything wrong as long as you know you did your best. That’s all you can do, right?
Know that you can always seek clarity, that your initial assumption of what happened may not be true, and reflect on what is under your control.
Learn the 5-steps that’ll take you from zero to multiple quality dates! Download your free ebook below
Get your free ebook here