It takes courage to approach a girl you are interested in and it takes a lot of practice to work up the nerve to approach a girl. So, let me talk about how to gain the courage to approach women. I did a survey on Instagram and asked how you guys felt about approaching women. And this is what you guys said. Majority of you, maybe you approach, but once you gain the courage to do so, and many of you guys still just don’t do it at all.
“Is there no girl out there for me?”
That’s what they feared…
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And maybe that’s because you don’t know how to gain that courage or enough courage to actually do it. That’s what I’ll be going to discuss, and the strategies on how to start gaining that courage in general, so that you actually start taking the action.
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It’s starts with your Mindset
Okay, so let’s get into finding this courage to approach women. There are two main points I really want to make today that really affect this. The first one, surprise, surprise (I don’t actually know if it’s a surprise for you guys), but it has to do with mindset. It all stems from there, when you’re not even in the moment quite yet to be ready to approach her. It stems from this narrative that you have built for a long time. And then when you’re about to approach a woman, all of those thoughts that narrative that you’ve created creeps in. What narrative am I talking about? I call them negative barriers. They are barriers that really hinder your progress or hinder you from doing what you want to get growth.
These kinds of negative barriers are almost assumptions that you give everybody. For example, you’re afraid that you’re going to be creepy if you’re going to approach her, you think that women don’t want to talk to anybody when they’re out and about. Women don’t want to be bothered, or you feel you are bothering them during their time. These narratives have just been created within you, stemming from whether that’d be society, or maybe friends talking about their experiences. They are all of a sudden, these thoughts that fill your head, and you guys are good guys. So, you really don’t want to have a negative experience or give someone that negative experience. The first thing I want to say to that is just to ask yourself. With these negative beliefs, “are they the absolute truth?”
Some woman doesn’t want to be approached
When you ask yourself that question to the negative belief of “No woman wants to be approached”, and think about the answer… You can’t say that because you don’t know every single woman in that store or at that event. Yes, there are some ladies who just don’t want to be approached, they just don’t. There are some people, women or men, who are just not friendly, period. So, no, they’re not going to respond. But does that mean every single person out there doesn’t talk to strangers? Doesn’t ever want to be bothered? No. I mean, I talk about that already in another video about how women, just don’t want to be approached by creepy people.
And then that’s another video about, if you’re being creepy or not, so that’s another story. But in regards to this, what I’m just saying is, if you feel you have a lot of those negative barriers, please, please, please start reframing them, start working on them, because they’re going to seriously affect your future success in dating. Mindset is everything.
Now, I can’t really go into that strategy here. So, I highly suggest clicking on this link for my mindset courses. There’s one that really encompasses all and gives you the strategies on how to overcome this, and how to reframe. So, you can start reducing that negativity, the assumptions, the judgments, the overthinking, because it’s not going to happen overnight. Now, even if I gave you the strategy now, it’s not going to happen overnight.
Reframe your mindset
You have to practice it, and you have to start really trying to get yourself out of that narrative and create a new one. That’s all reframing is, I’m not telling you, “Oh, be positive, be woo-woo,” that’s not what it’s about. It’s about realizing that there’s another perspective here. And it’s about remembering, I’m pretty sure you guys know, women give out their contacts, I’m pretty sure you know, there are guys approaching women at the grocery store, at a coffee shop. And you know, you have to know that there are ladies are freely giving out their contact. It’s not impossible. I am pretty sure you know that.
It’s just more so, about overcoming that fear for you, and then also making sure you really get that negative belief that you have, so, start with that, that’s number one. If you have all those narratives, start to reframe.
Regret doing it or regret not doing it
But the second thing I want to tell you guys, which is a more very specific strategy that you can use right now is having a lifeline. I call it a lifeline, a statement you throw to yourself to save you when you want to do something, but you just can’t get yourself to do it. It’s a powerful statement that pushes you to do the action.
This is up to you, you know yourself best on one statement you can use, it could be something as simple as just do it. Some people, they say that over and over and they end up just doing it. Some guys, remember their motivation: which is they want a relationship, they want to grow. They remind themselves, “I’m here to grow because I want a girlfriend,” that motivation is enough, and trumps over the fear to get them to do it. Some other clients’ life lines:
- “I would rather regret doing it than regret not doing it.”
- “Just do it, there’s nothing to lose”
- “If I don’t do anything, I wont’ ever move forward”
- “This is how I learn”
- “I will only fail If I don’t do anything”
For me, specifically, because I have a lifeline (not towards dating, I’m married haha) but towards any anxiety-provoking situation, I always tell myself, “what is the worst that can happen?” I know it may be a little odd because it’s question. But when I think of that and answer it, I actually think it’s not that bad. I think , in my head, I overthink and make it seem like it’s going to be the end of the world.
Let’s say I’m at a networking event and I’m afraid to interrupt any group. But then I realized, well, what’s the worst that can happen? I ask if I can join their group. They say no because they’re talking about something private, that’s it. And then I go on to the next one. I know I’m not being rude. I know I’m not being mean, or crossing boundaries. So, it’s actually not that bad. But that’s my lifeline.
Reflect and ask yourself
Look at your past, when you’ve been able to do something that you were so anxious about, ask yourself, what did you say? What was the motivation? What was the purpose? And I will tell you that what works for a lot of my clients is remembering what their goal is, how much do you want this relationship? How much do you want to change? How much do you not want to be stuck in the same place anymore? And because of that motivation, that desire is so big, that’s what trumps over the fear, and then they do it, because at the end of the day, even though you do it, and let’s say just doesn’t work, you have something to work off of.
You did something now you can learn from it. But remember, if you don’t do anything — you don’t learn. And if you don’t do anything, that is an automatic fail. Nothing happens if you don’t do anything, but at least if you do something, there’s something to work off of.
That’s that. I hope that helps you guys in finding that courage. Once again, if you know mindset is what gets to you, then make sure to check out my Mindset course. I worked really hard on it because I know mindset is a big deal for a lot of my clients. And then secondly, use the tool that I just said. And if you don’t know how to approach women, like if you don’t know what to say, check out this video.
It’s not easy to walk up to a girl and strike up a conversation, but if you have the confidence and tools you need, you’ll have no trouble doing so. If you do not have the self-confidence to approach women and you are looking for something that is going to really, truly help you right now, then