“I have pretty much mastered the friendzone”, “I say give it a shot, if you’re unsure, do a group session first” Justin quoted, and that’s what made him decide to invest his time and energy into one of my group programs. He has a really great attitude towards it and made a great stride.
Justin has been kind enough to share his dating story though it’s a combination of either massive failure before getting the date or during the date due to nervousness. He also shares how my one-on-one program has helped him boost his confidence. Because, it allows him to see the things that he truly desires, realizing the most attractive things about him, and being able to appreciate differences while putting himself out there.
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Investing in my group program
Ruby: I have a special guest with me today. His name is Justin, and he is someone that has taken and given his investment of time and energy into one of my group programs. So, I’m excited to have him here, because I think he has a really great attitude towards it, and he’s made really great strides, and he’s here open to sharing his story with you guys. So, hi, Justin, thank you so much for being here. How are you doing?
Justin: I’m doing great, thanks.
Ruby: Great. Let’s just hop right in. If you can, can you just give a little summary of who you are, what you do, your dating experience before me, and just a quick sum-up of how you’re feeling now? Just so the audience can get a feel for you.
Justin: Well, my name is Justin. I live in Nashville. I’m a business analyst for a healthcare company. My past dating experience has been a combination of either massive failures before I can get the date or massive failures on the date. Either way, some of them have led to some very great funny stories. Because in my past, I would get a little bit— not a little bit but very nervous and approaching women just automatically getting myself rejected or friend zone before I would even approach a woman.
Ruby: Okay. How are you feeling now?
Justin: A lot different. Going through this program really helped boost my confidence, because some of the stuff that we worked on allowed me to see the things that I truly desired, the things that I also too realize that are probably the most attractive things about myself, and also narrow down what I’m looking for. Looking for common points of interest between me and a woman and then being able to appreciate her differences while putting mine out there, and having these talking points that we can both engage in and just really finding out what makes me an interesting person.
Ruby: Fantastic. All right, a lot of self-growth, you’d say.
Justin: Yes, absolutely.
The biggest obstacle he overcomes
Ruby: Great. Speaking of transition, what was the biggest obstacle you think you’ve overcome in this?
Justin: Oh, yeah. I have pretty much mastered the friend-zone, and there was a situation here, where– before I started talking, really discovered you, I’d started putting myself in these little challenges where I had to go make connections, and back in January, there’s this one woman I made a connection with. We hit it off, I got her number, and so I’m thinking, “Great,” she and I were going to have a shot at dating.
But long story short, the situation was really, really messed up, and I wound up getting friend-zoned. Throughout this whole thing, my godfather, my friends, who all saw it and heard about it, even my family, they were telling me this was a toxic relationship, and I noticed that even in some ways, it started affecting my self-worth.
Making a move
At one point, I actually expressed my interest in this woman a couple of times. When she basically said, she only saw us as friends at that first point, normally there’s that distance. Most women I’ve had that encounter with, put a distance there. They’re like, “We’re going to let this cool off, and then we can be friends later on.” Well, with her, we just started hanging out more.
So, I’m thinking, “Okay, maybe there’s a shot.” All my friends are able to see that I’m being led on, and when I saw Ruby’s advice on the situation, what wound up happening is one night, she and I, we were hanging out, and I decided to make my move, and told her, said, “Look, I still have feelings for you. I think we should date and give it a shot.” She said, “Well, I’m sorry, I just see you as a friend.” I just finally spoke up and said, “That doesn’t work for me.
I can’t stand by and hear you talk about how all your exes are jerks, the only guys who pursue you are jerks, that you can’t find a good guy while you’re talking to a good guy. So, this whole just friend’s thing doesn’t work for me anymore, and I cannot stand by and watch you end up with a jerk.” She said, “Well, what are you saying? Are you saying you don’t want to be friends?” I said, “I don’t know what that fully means. All I know is I can’t be just friends with you anymore,” and she said, “Okay.” I said, “Goodnight,” and I left.
Empowered in spite of rejections
Justin: So, while rejection in general sucks, I actually felt empowered, because I knew I needed to get away from this situation, but also too, I knew I needed to put myself out there, and I knew I needed to prove to myself I could walk away from a situation when it was not in my best interest. This whole thing was not in my best interest. I have not spoken to this young woman who says this happened, and this happened, I think, two weeks ago. Every story I post on Instagram, I notice she’s one of the first ones to watch it now. So, yeah, and it’s–
Ruby: You left an impression on her.
Justin: Yeah, something. But yeah, seriously, I will repeat. While I got rejected, there was something very empowering to me about that being able to put myself out there and walk away. One of the things I learned is rejection is not that bad. She says,” No,” move on. There are other women out there. As Ruby in one of our discussions, every rejection, every bad date, every breakup, puts you one step closer to the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. With me, she’s obviously not the one and I’m not going to sit here and just continue to hope and pine after her and hope that things work out, because that could actually prevent me from finding someone who’s even a better fit for me.
He knows his worth
Ruby: Exactly. As you were telling the story, I was already getting excited. I was like, “Yeah, Justin. Go.” Because people forget to value themselves and recognize what they really deserve. Even though like you said, of course, rejection hurts, but at the same time, you have finally really found your worth. You recognize that she’s not the end game. It’s only because it doesn’t work there, it’s going to just not work with anyone else, you just know what relationship that you want.
Continuing and moving forward after that, did you feel that that also helps you in moving forward– I know you’re talking about dates and things that happen, but do you think that before that happened, it stopped you or put you slightly behind on actually going on dates with other people being interested in them? And then, how is that compared to how you are now, and having that off your shoulders, and then seeking other women fully without her on your mind?
How he was able to get out of friend-zone
Justin: Oh, absolutely. The thing is when I was still trying to go after her, and I would go on these other dates, because again friendzone, trying to find a way out of it, I was not anticipating the dates as much, because everyone I had gone on the dates, I kept thinking it’d be more fun with her, and yes, she was on my mind. So, I didn’t even care about getting a second date with any of these women. The date that I have coming up tonight, I’m actually really excited about, and I think getting past this other young woman has put me in a state where I can actually look forward to going on dates with other women and actually saying, “Hey, maybe I can get a second date out of this if this one goes well.” So, the other one, I think, was sabotaging me.
Ruby: Mm-hmm. There you go. Great. Now, tell me where you’re currently at. How are you getting dates? Just so they can get a feel for how you find these women and the dates that you have coming up, and what kind of ladies they are.
Where is he right now
Justin: Okay. I’ve really been focusing on basically three apps. OkCupid, Coffee Meets Bagel, and The League. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a Tinder account, but that one I’m not taking seriously at all, because of Tinder. The date I have with the woman now, she and I met on The League. That one is one of those you have a waitlist before you get approved, but they make sure you’re an actual living, human, breathing person, and that you’re not some bot.
She and I, we hit it off, and we were talking about, I can’t remember how all of this discussion happened, but at some point, I was like, “Okay. Our conversation is going really, really well. So, might as well go ahead and ask her to coffee.” I was thinking coffee is a very good, safe thing to ask a young lady to and then she suggested going out to get some drinks tonight. I was like, “Awesome.” She was out of town when we initially started trying to set up the date. She was going to be out of town for a couple of weeks. We’ve been texting this entire time, and then she was the one who texted me like, “Hey, are we still going out?”
Ruby: Yeah, look at that.
The end result
Justin: Yeah, this other young woman I’ve met, there’s another date I’m talking to and potentially setting up. Oh yeah, I can’t remember what this other woman’s profession is, but she’s an actual professional 8 to 5 job. This other woman I’m talking to through Coffee Meets Bagel has been a nurse for 12 years. So, the end result of the course has definitely boosted my confidence has really, really helped me a lot. When I say helping me meet quality women, the quality women who are professional, have a head-on their shoulders, who are actually looking for something serious.
Ruby: Fantastic. Well, you summed that up really well.
Justin: Oh, okay.
Why he decided to work with me and the program
Ruby: Because as you know, that’s what I’ve been always telling people. I am someone that really tries to get you on dates, but quality dates. I’d rather you have some dates here and there, but you can tell these are fine quality ladies, not just someone that is just there to have dinner with you and things like that. Speaking of which, why did you choose me and this program?
Justin: Okay, well, I had looked at other dating coaches and other dating programs and there’s some of them that started off seeming really good, but then they revealed their true colors, where they’re basically just a bunch of pickup artists. That’s not me.
They would tell you, “We’re helping guys try to find everlasting, meaningful relationships.” So, you’re like, “Cool.” You sign up for their mailing list, and then suddenly they’re like, “Yeah, I had this one client, he totally got laid with this really, really hot woman. Here’s her picture.” I’m like, “Okay, this is not what I got into, this is not what I want.” That violates my own values. I don’t believe in using people like that. I think that’s just a very shallow life to live. Interestingly enough, one of those guys actually said that was a shallow life, don’t live that life, and promoted that lifestyle. Yeah, that still boggles my mind.
Justin: I found Ruby on Ted Talk
The thing that really drew me to Ruby was, I saw her TED Talk. Forgive me, I can’t remember the title of it, but the thing that drew me to it is living here in Nashville, just about every woman wants a guy who has at least six feet tall. If you’re like me, you’re 5’8” or 5’9”, you’re going to have to wear some really big shoes to hit 6 feet. That puts me out of the equation for a lot of them. One of the things Ruby harped on was, one of the things we got to get over is the whole height issue. I was like, “Oh, my gosh, this is awesome.”
Then, she said some of the other things that just really caused me to go, “Okay, I got to check out her website.” When I checked out her website, I started noticing that she’s not like the other dating coaches. She really is about helping, guys.
Good Guys, guys like us, find good quality women, who will appreciate us for who and what we are, and so these other guys, going through the stuff with Ruby has actually put me in a state where I don’t even have to listen to those guys anymore. Nope, I’m off your mailing list now. Stop sending me these emails, and then if they keep sending me the emails, they go straight in the trash.
Ruby: Oh, no, thank you. I really appreciate that message. I reiterated on probably my emails and all my Facebook Lives, but that’s what I’m about. The great thing is that, well, obviously you’re on this video because I consider you a really good guy. The good-hearted guy, who is just looking for that right partner, that’s obviously a quality lady as well.
His own thoughts about working with a dating coach
Ruby: With that said, this is an area that’s very vulnerable for a lot of people, and not too many people would think that they would get to this point in their lives where they could have a coach for dating. There’s a coach for everything else, but for some reason, in regards to dating, it’s so taboo. But for you, obviously, you joined these other mailing lists, you’re more open to that.
What do you have to say to people, you could talk about yourself, your journey, or direct message to them about things like that? What was your own thought process? Did you not think it was taboo at all for you, or what are your thoughts on that?
Justin: At first, I did. At first, I was like, “Oh, my gosh,” and you got to forgive me, but my thought initially was like, “Only a loser would need to do that.” Well, when I started thinking about it, I was also very opposed to therapy for a number of years, and I started going to therapy about a little over a year ago to work on some issues.
I hit a point in therapy where I realized– or before therapy, I’d worked as far as I could on fixing myself that I needed some external help. So, I started going to therapy, and my first therapist really helped then and then I changed therapists because my other one left the field. That got me thinking, okay, so, I do karate, I did the music for a number of years.
Life is compartmentalized
People pay for private lessons on karate, they pay to go see a one-on-one therapist, they pay for life coaches. So, we have all these areas of our lives where we’ve got them compartmentalized. We’re like, “Okay, we’ve got to improve our ability to ride a motorcycle, so, we need someone who has more experience.” We go through that, which is also something I’m into as well.
We have all these other aspects of our lives where we get advice from people, we go to coaches, and when it comes to dating, somehow we’re supposed to flounder all by ourselves, or we get advice from friends who are just as clueless as we are, even though, they might have had more dating relationships in the past or we go to friends who have horrible marriages.
Ruby: I think you mentioned that, it’s very true. Everybody asks their friends, “Wait, are you sure you’re supposed to be asking them?” Yeah.
Justin: Yeah, so I was like, we’ve got all these other experts in other fields that we go to, so why not dating? When I started doing, when I started looking at that, and I realized I needed to help in this area, because a lot of it, I just didn’t have the experience in the past that some of my peers have had. That got me interested and once I saw what Ruby offered that it was drastically different than everything else out there, I knew that she was the one I wanted to go with.
Ruby: Yay. Great. I know it’s quite a process, and I love all the comparisons you did, especially even therapy and things like that, oh, that’s even taboo for a lot of people. Lastly, once again, I really appreciate you being on here, and a lot of times people that are watching this video, they’re usually on edge figuring out if they will invest or sign up for my program.
Because of watching this directly, I want you to talk to them and say, what would you say to them if they were uncertain, and they need someone like you to tell them some message that would shift them one way or the other. What would you say to those guys?
Justin: I would definitely say give it a shot. If you’re unsure, do a group session first because I’ve seen the value of the group session. I’m actually wanting to go private, and get some private tutoring from Ruby now. While I did get a lot of benefits, and while for me, there’s a lot of– This is probably the greatest benefit I’ve had in my dating life. The last 10 weeks have been just phenomenal. It really has been going okay. I want to continue to work with Ruby because she helped me out with so much, I’m like, “Okay, well, let’s continue this for a few more months.”
Give a group session a shot
If you’re curious about it, I say give a group session a shot. But if you’re still on the fence, or you’re like “No, no, this stuff doesn’t work,” or “No, no, this stuff is crap,” the only thing I really say is to get that out of your head, because she helps. She’s not like a lot of these others who try to help you go after a woman or they’ll break them down like, “Okay, you got a scale of 1 to 10, go for the 9s and 10s.” What she will help you do is she helps you find where your value lies.
What makes you valuable, what makes you attractive, and so you start there with yourself, and then you’re able to work out from there, and when you find your self-worth, that’s where the value of the program really hit for me.
Ruby: Fantastic. Thank you. That was a very powerful message. I just want to pinpoint to everyone else listening too is that you just said, if you really don’t feel like this is it if you don’t believe in this, then this probably isn’t for you. I’ve always stated that I can only help you guys so far in regard to mindset. I was trained in therapy, but I’m not a therapist working with you.
All you need to get started
So, if you already don’t believe this is going to work, it’s not going to work. But if you at least have the attitude, like you said, of, “Let’s just try, let’s just do it,” then that’s really all we need to get started, and then from there, you’re absolutely correct. I’m not really going to push you out of your own values.
But at least you have that hope and belief and you’re willing to do the work, then it could work. But if your mind is not there and you’re negative, I’m sorry, I can give you all the strategies in the world, but if you can’t get yourself to do it, then it’s hard.
Ruby: All right. Well, thank you so much for joining me today. It was a lot of fun, and your story’s very inspirational. But as everybody knows here– I’ll be seeing you soon, now we’re doing one on one. And who knows, maybe you’ll see another video from him in the future. Thank you so much again.
Justin: Well, thank you. I appreciate it.