Most guys get stuck in the friend-zone for some reason, and being friend-zoned is not a good thing to happen to anyone. Just like what Jessie experienced long before he decided to work with me. Let me introduced you, Jessie. He’s been struggling with his dating journey for quite a long and has done everything on his own only to get friend-zoned. Below is the transcription of how Jessie got multiple dates after learning how to get out of the friend-zone. He was in the friend-zone for too long, now he’s out, and the topics that we have talked about.
- He’s Interests
- Dating struggles
- Seeking out
- Giving up Online Dating
- His progress
- Advice for the nice guys
- What to lose?
Ruby: Hey there. Ruby here with my very own, Jessie. He has agreed to kindly come on and share with you guys his experience so far with working with me. How are you doing today, Jessie?
Jessie: I’m doing good. Thank you for asking. How about you?
Ruby: Doing well. Okay, so let’s just jump right in. Tell us or you could just talk to me, tell us a little bit about yourself, what you do, what you enjoy, just a little bit about you really quickly.
Jessie: Let’s see. Well, sometimes I do stand-up comedy, so I like to do that. Also, I like to go hiking, running and a little bit of jujitsu in my spare time, as well as bowling.
Ruby: Awesome. All right. Tell us a little bit more about what got you here and deciding to work with me?
Jessie: Let’s see. I don’t even know where to start. Well, because obviously, as I’ve done things on my own in the past, obviously it’s not working, so I can use a little coaching, or strategize myself. Because over the years, if you’ve been in the friend-zone for lots of years, or something’s not working, then something needs to be done.
Ruby: Great. Okay. Tell us a little bit more about your past experience with dating and the struggles or obstacles you had in the past before you joined.
Jessie: Well, it’s been a fair amount of success. Lately, it’s been nothing but getting in the friend-zone. Sometimes, women choose another person over you for something that you don’t have, or what have you, or say that you’re in a situation where there is mutual attraction, but because of your past experience or mindset, it indicates that you can’t do anything because you’re afraid of failure, which pretty much indicates that your mind is telling you what to do instead of just following what you really want and at the end of the day, the girl feels disappointed and throws you in the friend-zone. Or, there are other situations where you try too hard to impress someone and it backfires, and you end up looking like a fool, or a person that you’re not. Those are some of the things that I’ve been struggling with in the past, but little by little, I’m trying to get back on track.
Want to get out of the friend-zone?
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Don’t know what to do
Ruby: Great. Yeah, seems to be a lot. Tell us a little bit more about if you were on dates at all, that you were getting before you started working with me or even talking to women in a romantic way.
Jessie: For the most part, if I’m lucky to even have a date at all, and even if I did, I wouldn’t even know what to do and what would be the next step, so I would end up second-guessing myself, or talking in general. You’re not picking their brains, you’re not focusing on curiosity, so eventually, they will get bored. At the end of the day is like they’re not interested in you. Or, they just don’t like you because of appearance, but it goes back to mindset.
Almost giving up the online dating game
Ruby: It’s a lot, a lot. Okay, and you were online dating before, right? You tried it before, and how was that?
Jessie: I tried it before, I didn’t like it to be honest. I wasn’t a big fan then, I’m not a big fan now. Little by little I’m actually slowly integrating, but the past experience with online dating, I haven’t had much success because I’ve been getting no responses, and even if I did message them, I would never get a response back or I would be ghosted.
Ruby: Okay. It’s a pretty big thing. I remember when you first started working with me, I was like, “We’re going to try online dating,” and he says, “No, it doesn’t work.” Then what did I tell you? I was like, “Nope, we’re going to do it. We’re going to do it anyway.”
Ruby: Tell everybody now what you’ve learned so far and the progress you’ve made and all that once you started working with me, till now?
Jessie: Well, with the online dating as much as I said, no, I kicked the screen to death, but you weren’t having it, so I gave it a shot. Actually, I’m not a big– it is what it is, and as much as I don’t want to admit it, but it actually does work because now lately even though I haven’t been getting that many messages, but I’ve been getting messages more than before, whereas I haven’t gotten a single response and you would get ghosted. I’ve been ghosted here and there, but now it’s like, I don’t see it as a big deal now with the right mindset. I’ve been getting more responses now and learning as I go along.
Ruby: Great. What is it that you appreciate about my help and working with me the most?
Jessie: Actually, you get straight to the point and you actually do call me out on a lot of things. If I try to make excuses, you won’t even let me fall into that. Holding me accountable, that’s mostly what I appreciate the most because if there’s no accountability, you’re going to do the same thing with a difference, you’re not going to get the results that you want.
Advice for the nice guys
Ruby: Exactly. Now, thank you so much for sharing all of that. Lastly, what would you say to anybody that’s thinking of working with me and about too, and just contemplating it? What would you say to them?
Jessie: Give Ruby a try. What do you get to lose? That’s one thing I learned too is that I resorted to looking for someone else, meaning that I wasn’t going to give anybody the time of day, but you know what? I figured, it’s 2017, and basically, in the past, that hasn’t been working, so why not give it a shot? Which I did, and here I am till this day.
Ruby: Fantastic. We worked so well together, don’t we? It’s been a rollercoaster, but it’s been fun.
He doesn’t want to make the same mistake again
Jessie: Yeah, we have our differences here and there, but you know what, it comes down to, “All right, yeah, she’s right.” It goes with any other person. You’re stubborn, you’re set on your way, then that way is not working, obviously. I appreciate that you weren’t going to let me fall into that pattern and learn from it. What I’ve been doing is, I’ve been taking notes and listening to recordings of conversations that I take it in and I asked a lot of questions because I don’t want to make those repeated mistakes.
He wouldn’t go anywhere
Ruby: Right, and this is good. Lastly, speaking of which, where do you think you would be right now if I didn’t come into your life?
Jessie: I wouldn’t have gone anywhere. I would probably make the same mistakes, go out and dating, then get stuck in the friend-zone. I wouldn’t have gone anywhere. Just like any other guy who hasn’t had much success with dating or relationships, that would be another sad person depressed and being stuck in the same negative thought process such as, “Why do women hate me?” “How come I’m being constantly in the friend-zone?” “What does he have that I don’t have?” Those kinds of mentality, and you will resort to using negative coping skills that you shouldn’t be doing.
Ruby: Great, thank you for sharing all that with me. You’re totally right, I think the biggest thing and correct me if I’m wrong, but the biggest thing anybody, not even just men, realizes is that a lot of this is in your mind. A lot of it is a mindset. I think we’ve talked about this over and over. Any time even you get to a spiral or negative spin, I’m that person that helps you get out of there. Wouldn’t you agree? If I just left you in there, you would have stayed in this negative, almost hole, and then you wouldn’t do anything. It’s a dangerous, dangerous spot that I’m pretty sure you’re aware of.
Jessie: Oh, yeah, absolutely. If it wasn’t for you, sometimes you would be in that kind of situation where “What are you doing? Why are you thinking that way?” Sometimes, it takes a second or two to think that, “Well, it’s a click that I’m not doing what I’m supposed to.” Yes, in a moment, you’re not in the right set of mind but then when the dust is clear and you’re actually able to comprehend or focus on the situation at hand, then it’s like, “Yeah, Ruby is right,” then I really need to change it. It goes back to being held accountable that this is what’s going on, because you choose to have that negative mindset and how can we change it, and that’s something that I’m working on.
Ruby: Exactly. You’re doing such an amazing job at it. To end this now on probably the most exciting moments for you, I would even say, and you can tell them a little bit because you felt this. The moment that there’s one time we got off the phone, I believe, and then you got like two matches in a day or three, which you never get, that moment, and then you texted me about, “What is going on?” That moment. Then also, one of the ladies, she actually was pretty straightforward with you. She gave you her number before you even asked, that hardly happens for people. Can you talk about those two moments? You’re like, “Whoa, this is different.” How did you felt in the moment of those?
Jessie: When she first gave me her personal number, I was taken aback. At first, I was very hesitant, because–
In awe of realness
Ruby: You’re like, “Is this real?”
Jessie: “Is this even happening or is this one of those fake numbers?” I decided to call, I decided to text and see how legit the number is, and actually, it was a legit number, her number was legit. Then, the outcome was it didn’t pan out the way we wanted, but you know what, it’s the learning curve. At least I was able to FaceTime so that I think I take that as a big step.
Ruby: Definitely. Fantastic. What does that feeling, explain that feeling when it’s like when you receive the kind of any progress? Like, “Wow, this is working.”
Jessie: No, actually, it takes a little bit for me to sink in. “Wow, is it really working?” It’s happening. I would say persistence, and also have a little bit of patience too, because I think that’s one of the traps that I’ve been falling into is I have no patience, and it takes a little bit of patience.
Ruby: Great. All right. Thank you so much for joining me today, Jessie. Are there any last things you want anybody else to know out there? Any last comments before I let you go?
Nothing to lose
Jessie: Well, if you really want to change your dating life or get into relationships or marriages, from my personal experience, I say enough is enough from being single, so I’m going to do something, so do something about it. Unless if you want to sit here and complain about your dating life that is nonexistent, go to Ruby. What do you get to lose? She’s really great. She’s very passionate about what she does, and you can actually learn a lot from her and that’s something that you will– it’s worth it. If you want your dating life to change, that would be your beginning, your first step, is to reach out.
Ruby: All right, awesome. Thank you so much, Jessie. Thank you for sharing everything you did. Have a great day, and I’ll talk to you.
Jessie: Yeah. All right, sounds good. Thank you.